• Published 11th Jan 2018
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House of the Rising Sunflower - kudzuhaiku



Hard work is its own reward, and competence can be one's ultimate undoing.

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The soft sound of muffled laughter graced the infirmary. Sparrowhawk, now wide-awake but still rather groggy, was completely and utterly fascinated by Tarantula. While it was adorable to watch, it caused a lot of tension for Sundance, who was afraid of all of the awful things that could happen. She touched him, stroked him, petted him, and even sniffed him. While Sundance watched with apprehension, Twilight Velvet and Copperquick appeared to do so with relaxed ease. Tarantula seemed to enjoy the attention and the affection, and wasn't scared at all.

But the little burro hadn't been bitten by the pegasus filly.

Foreleg throbbing, his guts knotted from stress, Sundance wished that he could just relax. That he could unwind. Unkink. But this day, as long as it was, wasn't done with him just yet, and there was still a lot of day left to go. There were earless ponies, a testament to Sparrowhawk's ferocious nature, and Sundance did not want a burro with a missing ear. Yet, for all of his fear and apprehension, he could not deny that she was gentle—though she was clumsy.

"Sparrow"—the tone that Copperquick spoke with was one uniquely suited for speaking to foals—"when was the last time you were allowed to play with another pony?"

A dark cloud passed over the filly's face and something about her demeanour momentarily changed. She shrugged, but was quick to recover. Reaching out, she grasped Tarantula's fetlock, held it, and then began to examine his hoof as if Copperquick's question had never happened. Twilight Velvet and Copperquick exchanged a glance with one another, and then the both of them looked over in Wormwood's direction.

"Sparrow… tell me… do you feel safe right now?" asked Copperquick.

Eyes bright, curious, she looked up from Tarantula's hoof and her eyes darted around the room. Copperquick and Twilight Velvet were given quick, cursory examinations, and then she moved on to Corduroy. This didn't last long either. When she looked at Wormwood however, her eyes lingered, and her lower lip half-puckered in concentration. Then, at last, she looked at Sundance, and blinked at him whilst she shrugged.

"My friend over here"—Copperquick gestured in Wormwood's general direction as he spoke—"would very much like to have a look inside of your head. He would like to see what has happened to you, so that we might be able to help you. We need to know what was done to you."

Keen intelligence glittered in Sparrowhawk's eyes, even though her expression remained groggy. She gripped Tarantula—hard enough to make him whimper for a second—but her sudden embrace wasn't violent. No, Sundance saw it for what it was: protective. This was a defensive action. All of her feathers bristled and piloerection caused the hair along her spine to rise into fluffy curls. When Tarantula realised that he was safe, and that everything was fine, he relaxed and leaned into Sparrowhawk, who encircled her forelegs around the smaller colt's neck.

"Well, this is a good sign," Twilight Velvet whispered, "she's capable of empathy."

"Will they get in trouble?" Sparrowhawk's question was somehow vague yet also right to the point.

"Yes, Snugglebump. We want to get them into trouble, but to do that, we need to see what they've done." Copperquick's tone was one of urgent trust and infinite kindness. "We're not going to do anything to your mind. Nothing at all. We just want to look."

Unable to stop himself, Sundance voiced his objections. "I don't know if this is right. We're… this… we're getting her to agree for the wrong reasons."

"She's consenting—"

"Mrs. Velvet, I know. But it feels wrong to get her to agree out of… whatever this is."

"Revenge?" Twilight Velvet suggested.

"Yeah, it feels like that, but not like that."

"Sundance… are you going to override her sense of free agency because you object?"

"Uh… well… I don't know. I'd really rather not. Look, I know how this makes me look. I'm the one that said something about making sure we have her consent. I just wish that we got it for better reasons."

"And you're a good pony for having those concerns," Copperquick was quick to say.

"That doesn't make me feel better," Sundance said.

"Wormwood joined me so that he could help foals that have been hurt or abused. Not all of them can talk about it." With her lips pressed tight together, Twilight Velvet inhaled, and then continued, "This is our primary means of finding out. Sundance, what would you like for us to do?"

"Keep going," he replied after a brief moment spent on internal debate. "Don't mind me. I've had a rough day."

Sparrowhawk relaxed her grip on Tarantula, but not by much. The colt didn't seem to mind however, if his pleasant smile was anything to go by. Sundance watched the pair and did all he could to sort out his own feelings. All of them. There were so many of them. He was no parent. Why, he wasn't even in a relationship. For most of his life, the only life he'd been responsible for was his own, and now, the lives of many had become his responsibility. It felt as though he'd skipped a step of development. He'd gone from one extreme to another, with no period of adjustment in between.

"If I don't get my medicine, I'll get sick," Sparrowhawk said with abrupt suddenness. "I don't wanna be sick."

"Are you starting to feel sick right now?" asked Twilight Velvet.

The pegasus filly nodded, then replied, "They gave me a lotta medicine when he arrived."

Lips pursed, Twilight Velvet adopted a thoughtful posture.

"They did mention that whatever they gave her was wearing off," Sundance remarked.

A light sheen of perspiration could now be seen on Twilight Velvet's brow.

Sundance, unable to bear it, spilled out of his own bed, scuttled across the floor, crawled up into the bed beside his, and then scooped up the two foals. Sparrowhawk seemed a bit startled, but had no adverse reaction. Tarantula however, did not mind at all, and yawned as he got resettled. Sundance, who felt the need to spread his wings and puff out, somehow managed to restrain himself, and lay on his stomach with the foals situated in front of him.

"Alright, Sparrowhawk… we're going to begin. I am going to ask you a series of questions, and my friend Wormwood is going to peek inside of your mind." Copperquick's voice was a flat, soothing monotone. "Now be a brave girl…"


The sun raced westward at a snail's pace, as the sun was wont to do. Sundance—shaken like a proper maretini—looked to the west and tried to make sense of everything that had happened today. His worldview was forever changed, though for the better or worse was unknown. To his left, Twilight Velvet also watched the sun as it sank towards the distant horizon, and she seemed no less shaken than he was. She didn't even try to hide it, which was somehow comforting as well as troubling.

On the ground, the lengthening shadows reached for them like greedy fingers, and Sundance's own shadow was distorted beyond all recognition. They stood together atop the promontory point where the old lord's tower once stood, which gave them a spectacular view of everything in all directions. From up here, one could see for miles, and even the majestic Canterhorn was clearly visible. It acted like a sundial and cast its shadow down upon the plains below.

"I don't know if I can help her," he said at last, unable to bear the silence. "She needs professional help."

To which Twilight Velvet replied, "I think that filly has had enough professional help for a while."

"She hasn't seen the sun for years," Sundance said, almost whispering, almost whining. "Drug addiction… I don't know a thing about drug addiction. I mean, other than all the stuff my mother has said about addicts. When you gave her a cookie, she didn't know what it was. All she's eaten for the past few years is grey goop. There is no way I can fix all these things."

"I believe that you can—"

"What if I can't?"

"Sundance, I'd hoped that you would have learned something today," she sighed while she cast a sidelong glance in his direction. "If you get in trouble, the cavalry will come. If there is ever a point that you cannot help her, help will be sent. You've proven yourself, so you are a partner now. An ally. If professional help is needed, then professional help will be sent. But… for now… she needs some time to adjust. Foals are resilient, Sundance. What she needs is to learn how to be a pegasus, and she can learn that from you."

"I'm not much of a pegasus—"

"How dare you say that about yourself," she snapped in return.

"It's true. I don't go around acting like a buffoon and trying to show off my wingspan to everypony I meet."

"Prince Gosling would be mortally wounded to hear you say that."

"See, that's my point."

"Fluttershy isn't like other pegasus ponies either," Twilight Velvet said to Sundance. "She's the Element of Kindness… which pretty much defies every stereotype about pegasus ponies being brutes."

"You should have her look after Sparrowhawk."

"As reasonable as that sounds… no. No. No, that's not going to happen. Because I'm not going to let another student do your homework for you. Sundance, you have a lot to learn."

"Learning involves mistakes," he said with the hopes that the stubborn mare beside him might see reason. "Sparrowhawk isn't some project. Well… she's been a project… they cut her open and poked around inside of her brain… my point is, she deserves better than some fumbling goof that doesn't know what he's doing. I'm in way over my head right now."

"Have you considered that it might be a good thing if Sparrowhawk was more like you and less like Prince Gosling?"

In response, Sundance replied, "Prince Gosling would be mortally wounded to hear you say that."

"Like it or not, she's imprinted on you. That can't be undone." She paused, bit her lip for a short time, and then added, "Well, it can. But I won't allow that to happen. If she's imprinted on you, it's for a reason. I don't want to come right out and say that it's destiny, but it's probably destiny related."

"Fine. Whatever. If that's how things have to be… then here I am. The Yes-Pony at your service. I'll have you a second Yes-Pony to do your bidding, right away, ma'am."

With a snort, Twilight Velvet's expression turned deadpan.

"Is there a problem?" asked Sundance.

"I didn't get what I wanted," she replied.

"Well, what exactly did you want?" he asked.

"I wanted the pony that strode into some dank asylum and then emerged without significant violence. He's an incredible pony and shows a lot of potential. Equestria needs more of him."

Defeated, Sundance slumped. His back sagged, his ears dropped, and his wings hung limp against his sides. His surrender came out in the form of a soft sigh, and his tail swished around to slap at flies that were not there. Though he would not admit it—not aloud, anyhow—she had a point. And that point was as stabby as it was painful. It was an unpleasant point and Sundance was keenly aware of it as it pierced his heart.

"Buttermilk did her wellness checks, and interviewed the wee ones in your care… as well as the prisoner. It's a little early, but we were here. The wee ones in your care are happy, well adjusted, and want to be here. None of them want to leave. As for your prisoner, I think we can safely assume that she is reformed. She has purpose now, and she is starting to come around to a better way of thinking as well as behaving. Like the little ones in your care, she has no desire to leave. She understands her importance here."

In silence, Sundance listened; defeated as he was, he had no words to say.

"In light of all that, and for your service to the Crown, I am giving your barony Prefered status. It means that you are a competent caretaker. With this new status, you'll be rewarded—"

"Please, don't reward me for just doing my job."

"You are doing your job, and that's the point," Velvet said in a firm voice. "If more ponies did their jobs, this wouldn't be necessary. I wouldn't be necessary. My job wouldn't be necessary. Today, you met some ponies that weren't doing their job… which means we had no choice but to do ours."

She sidestepped closer, raised her head, and glanced upwards at Sundance.

"With this new status, you'll be incentivised to do better. Prefered status is the bottom rung. You'll be getting supplies and resources. You've earned them. Crates of books, toys, educational supplies, arts and crafts supplies, and several tons of food and nutritional supplements—"

"Tons?" he interrupted.

"A guesstimate," she said without annoyance. "It has to last a year. You have a lot of young and elderly in your care. You'll get cereals and vitamin-enriched drink mixes. Snacks and sweets of a healthy sort… things like apple chips and pear chips. Dehydrated fruit snacks. A whole host of nutritionally boosted convenience foods."

He nodded in acknowledgement.

"With Prefered status, we'll expect more of you. Our demands will be higher. This means education. Cultural enrichment. Going beyond just basic care and sustenance. Do all the right things and you'll have Important status, which means even more food and resources allocated to you. It means that you can be trusted with these resources, and that these resources will actually help those in your care, and not be used for your own enrichment or betterment."

"And the third?" he asked.

"Trusted status, which none yet have."

"Cactus Creek?"

"What about Cactus Creek?"

"I'm surprised that they don't have it," he said to explain himself.

"They're close, but no. Trusted status means at minimum ten years of perfect, trusted service."

"Oh. I see."

A half-smile finally appeared on Twilight Velvet's face.

"Sundance, for you to have Trusted status, that would be a crown jewel for Princess Celestia. It's something to work for. You have a good caretaker. And you… you have a unique opportunity with Sparrowhawk. You have the land and the resources. There's nothing stopping you from trying. But not for Princess Celestia's glory… though she would be very proud. For your own. Consider it. Please. For your own sake."

"This is not the direction that I thought my life would take," he said, mostly to himself. "Honestly, I never expected any of this in my life. I am just allowing things to happen. Maybe you're right. Maybe I should set a goal… for myself. Something to work for. So how do I get up to the next rung? I'm clueless."

"Start a sports team. A chess club. Have your gang of tenacious tykes clean up garbage in a park. Do something noteworthy. Have them excel. Start up a Harmony Scout troop and earn every merit badge to be had under the sun, and a few secret ones that only exist under the moon. Have an artist with appreciable skill. Orphans have dreams… desires… they're just like other kids, but are severely disadvantaged. Help them overcome those disadvantages. Have just one of them achieve something extraordinary. That's the next rung."

Restore Sparrowhawk to normalcy, he thought to himself.

"I'm a treacherous mare," Twilight Velvet said with a broad smile spread across her face. "Truth be told, I'll probably use you again. You'll be compensated. Sundance, things have to change, and we can't fight fair. All of the attempts to fight fair have changed very little of what needs changing. Today, we fought dirty, and tomorrow, there will be tremendous fallout. Some bad things might happen in the short term. But in the long term, we've done good. And I couldn't have done it without you."

Then, after a moment of consideration, she added, "Well, I probably could have. But it wouldn't have been a peaceful resolution. The events of today were the best possible outcome, I feel. The plan was made up as we went along, but it worked out. Due in no small part to you. I'd like for us to continue working together… and with that said, I'd like to confess to you that I'm a difficult mare to work with."

"You might be," Sundance said, agreeing, "but I understand why those closest to you are so loyal. At least, I think I do. You might have sent me into the lion's den, but you had a plan to get me out. Which does make me feel better. I do want us to work together. As partners."

"I would very much like for us to be partners," was her warm response.

"Everypony has their own plans for my barony," he said. "Did that come out wrong? Maybe it did. Anyhow… Rustic wants to build resorts and spas. And that's fine. We have to make money. The Crystal Empire will be building a hospital complex. Which is a good thing. For both of us. Twilight, your daughter, she wants to use my barony to secure her vision of the future… and I'm fine with that. While I've had a hoof in all the planning, and I am the administrator that makes everything happen, none of these are my plans. Not my projects.

"But as you were saying… it might be nice to have a long term goal of my own."

"While many of the nobles assist me, and offer help in a variety of ways, none of them are truly aligned with me," she said in a low whisper. "It's a cause worthy of charitable galas and grand social events. Break out the best wine and cheese, let's have a jolly good gala and congratulate ourselves on all the great things we're doing for the young of Equestria. I'm sickened by it. I've grown weary of parading around in pretty, frilly, lacy gowns and smiling my best, most practiced smile. While I am grateful for all that is done… I truly am…" Her words trailed off with a soft side to side shake of her head.

"Canterlot is changing though, is it not?" he asked.

"It is," she replied in a half-whisper. "But not fast enough to suit my needs. Gosling gets it, because he's lived in the inner-city. So he understands my urgency. But he's also buried beneath responsibilities. I have a few trusted allies, but they cannot fully commit themselves to my cause. It's frustrating. There's so much more I want to do. The coastal cities are rife with corruption and are in dire need of change."

"I've already committed to so much," Sundance said to the older mare beside him. "I'm pulled in all directions as it is. But I will help you however I can. I can offer land, which is perhaps my best asset. If you build here, it will be in the heart of Equestria where you have the most control."

"That… is extremely generous and probably more than I deserve after what I've done. Thank you, Sundance."

"I understand why you did what you did, and even though I'm still a bit miffed, I can respect you for doing it." Then, Sundance reached down deep inside of himself, explored all of the dark, unseen places, and in a low voice that was little more than a whisper he added, "As lord of the land, we play by my rules. Do things my way. My way means accountability. I want ponies like Wormwood posted here for the sake of accountability. I'll not have sneaky, wretched, abusive stuff going on during my watch. If we build some big orphanage… and that's a big if… but if we do, the caretakers will be kept under total surveillance. This might not be the way my Great Grandmother might do things, but this is how I do things."

"We have to trust ponies to do good—"

"After today, I am short on trust," he said with a somewhat raised voice.

"We can work something out," she said in return. "Ponies like Wormwood are in short supply."

Sundance thought of the changelings and wondered how loyal they were.

And then he wondered if they could take the form of innocent, helpless orphans.

He smiled.

That was a drastic measure, and not one that he would necessarily take.

But if the situation demanded it…

"How will you get home?" he asked.

"I have a portal gem," she replied.

He didn't know what that was, and he didn't bother to ask. There were too many other things on his mind. It would be a long night for certain, because he had plans to make. There was a lot to think about. The faint rumble of thunder distracted him, and his head swiveled about so that he might spot the storm. After a quick glance around, he saw no clouds, no dark skies, but he did see an ever-expanding circular rainbow spreading through the skies of the southeast.

A fraction of a second later, a rainbow-maned and rainbow-tailed pegasus mare stood on the ground before him, and she folded up her wings with daredevil nonchalance. With a flick of her tail, she had a look around, was clearly not at all impressed by what she saw, and then she turned to face Twilight Velvet.

"It took me a few seconds to find this place, otherwise I'd've been here sooner," she said.

"Miss Dash… really. Must you boast?"

"Yes," the rainbow-maned pegasus replied without a second of hesitation.

"What brings you here, Miss Dash?" asked Twilight Velvet.

"Well, today turned out to be pretty boring," the sky blue pegasus replied. "The Mare Do Well was all set up to fight an asylum full of goons and mooks. She was promised that there would be mooks. But that turned out to be a wash." With a stomp of her front right hoof, she turned to face Sundance. "I suppose this is your fault. Good job."

He couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not.

"It wasn't a total waste of a day though," she said. "By sheer chance, Captain Equestria and the Mare Do Well stumbled upon some of Ahuizotl's mooks that were scoping a place out for a heist. Captain Flower Power recognised one of them because of a very distinct burn one of them had. He went over to say hello and that was when the trouble started."

"And where is Mister Teapot right now?" Twilight Velvet asked in a tone short on patience.

"Giving a statement to the police," the blue pegasus replied. "I don't have the patience to deal with the police. All that paperwork and interviewing. I flew off and left him with the mess."

"The Element of Loyalty strikes again."

"Hey!" the pegasus whined. "That's unfair. That stuff is really boring. Bores me to tears."

"He recognised a burn?" asked Sundance, who just had to know.

"Yeah…" The blue pegasus grinned. "Dropping a burning piano on a pony leaves behind some very distinct burns. It's the red-hot piano wire. Leaves behind a bunch of lines."

"A burning piano?" Twilight Velvet shook her head in horrified disgust.

"That was Vinyl's fault. Look, we were having a party to celebrate some major literary award that Miss Yearling received, and we were having a good time, and then all of a sudden a bunch of Ahuizotl's goons showed up to crash the party, and Vinyl was tipsy, and she cast a fireball, and then the piano was on fire, and then Tarnish shoved the burning piano off of the edge of the mezzanine and right onto a monologuing mook that just had to give us a big speech about his nefarious plans and told us in explicit detail what he was going to do to each and every one of us."

"I suppose the piano cut him off," Twilight Velvet remarked.

"It did," the pegasus replied. "In the worst way. Made a terrible ruckus. Plus, we didn't get back the security deposit from the hotel. I paid for most of that out of my own money. You know, come to think about it, I'm still kinda upset."

"I would imagine so, Miss Dash."

"So, how did you manage to get out?" asked the blue pegasus. "Did you pound their faces into pudding?" She punched the air with one of her front hooves, and then made a few jabs. "Was there incredible violence? Did you get to throw down and make your daring escape? Did you turn mooks into mook-jelly? Did you get to show off your hoof-fu?"

Shrugging, Sundance replied, "I just talked my way out."

"You threatened to cram a mare's head up another pony's posteriour." Twilight Velvet's deadpan expression revealed no emotion, absolutely nothing at all.

"A pegasus has got to do what a pegasus has got to do. And this pegasus needs to get to Manehattan. I have a busy night ahead. See ya!"

Before Sundance could respond, he was almost sucked into an implosive wake, and so was Twilight Velvet. Both of them stood there, blinking, manes mussed, and trying to recover from the abrupt departure of the blue pegasus, who was now a faint blue speck heading northeast. Rippling rainbows trailed behind her, and a dull thud shook the barony as the mouthy mare rainboomed away at rocket speed.

"I was unaware that Mister Teapot brought a friend to extract you," Twilight Velvet said to Sundance. "It's probably for the best that you talked your way out. She would have talked your ear right off and given you all kinds of terrible advice about what to do in that situation."

"What do you think she's off to do in Manehattan?" he asked.

"I would imagine that some ponies are about to have a bad, bad night," was the middle-aged mare's response.

"I think I need another cup of tea," Sundance said to Twilight Velvet.

"I think I do as well," she replied. "And afterwards, I think I must be going."

Author's Note:
THow To Win Enemies And Influence Ponies
It’s a dangerous business going out your door to attend a party…
kudzuhaiku · 2.8k words  ·  269  9 · 2.7k views

There are a ton of story callbacks in this chapter. I linked to one of them. You're welcome.

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