Bureaucratic discussion
Though somewhat bitter and medicinal, the tea was still eminently drinkable. Sundance found it soothing, and halfway through his first cup, the jittery sensation subsided a bit. The fog that dulled his senses parted and the blessed sunshine warmed his body—metaphorically speaking, of course. He sat in a worn wooden chair, his eyes closed, with his steaming cuppa held with both wings to keep it steady.
It was strange to associate something faintly bitter as comforting, yet tea was exactly that. Not only did it keep the hooliganism away, but in moments like this, there was just something about it, a certain special something that could not be put into words. It wasn’t just the comforting warmth, or the immediate relief it brought, but rather, it was something greater than the sum of its parts. A gestalt of goodness that soothed the body and soul.
“If I may speak openly—”
Sundance opened up his eyes just enough to see Twilight Velvet.
“—you’ve caused me some considerable distress, Sundance.” She tapped one hoof against the edge of the table with perfect metronome timing. “Corporatisation of your barony has caused me a lot of concern. I’ve been forced to face a great many of my own fears. Industrial orphanariums and workhouses are horrible, horrible places. After I took over this position”—there was a pause and a somewhat haughty sniff—“I took great satisfaction in dismantling these ‘houses of charity.’ They were… abominable. In doing so, I learned things… saw things… discovered things that I fear have forever stained my very soul.”
He sipped his tea in silence.
“Now, I find myself placing foals and little ones into a corporate sponsored orphanage, and I keep asking myself what am I doing… this… this hasn’t been easy for me, Sundance. While I trust the good that you do, I do wonder just what it is you’re doing turning your barony into a corporate entity. I associate only wrongdoing with—” Her words trailed off, her barrel rose, fell, rose again, and then sank while she slowly exhaled.
She struggled whilst he watched, and while he wanted to reassure her, he had no words. He barely understood what he was doing; Rustic handled the business end of things while Sundance dealt with the barony end of things. They were like a phoenix reborn, and that was just about the whole of Sundance’s understanding. Twilight Velvet had invested in his barony, which made her current state of discomfort even more confusing to him.
“Make no mistake… I do trust you. Perhaps you’ll find a new way of doing things. You have Twilight’s attention, you know. She’s placed you off-limits. Nopony is allowed to try and discourage you from your course of action. Twilight is interested in what you will do, and what good might come from it. She was always a bit of a risk-taker, Twilight, even if she denies it. My daughter likes to go out of her way to find unconventional, or even unorthodox solutions to problems. I think that might be why Princess Celestia chose her to rule. And you… you’ve definitely veered off of the beaten path.”
Another slurp of tea trickled down Sundance’s gullet.
“I asked Twilight why she trusted you the way she does, and she told me that it was your friendship with your retainer, Cucumber. She says that she trusts that.”
At the mention of Cucumber’s name, Sundance shuddered. A dreadful pang of loss caused his heart to cramp, and a tiny flicker of grief kindled within him. What would Cucumber think of all the changes? Faithful Cucumber… loyal to the soil. Cucumber… who murdered the very lord that he was sworn to serve. Surely Cucumber would approve of all the changes, all the improvements, and everything so far accomplished.
Sundance’s eyes stung horribly while he had himself another slurp of tea.
“Equestria changes rapidly. Not that long ago, a noble title practically identified a socialite. Now, more and more, a noble title, rank, and peerage indicate a dedicated public servant. Ponies who work for the public good—only they get a lousy salary.” Twilight Velvet leaned over the table a bit, chuckled, and levitated a piece of shortbread to herself. “I don’t get a salary myself, and I have a whole flock of demanding bosses that I answer to. We have that in common, Sundance.”
With his teacup held level, he nodded his acknowledgment.
Twilight Velvet lifted up a blue folder, pulled it closer, opened it, and then set it down upon the table before her. Meanwhile, Sundance crunched on shortbread; he tried to be polite about it, but he very much wanted to pour the entirety of the plate down his gullet. Would he choke? He might. The shortbread was just a little dry. But the desire was strong. Just as Twilight Velvet had said, it did help.
“Integration is a complex issue,” Twilight Velvet said while she placed one hoof down flat upon the open blue folder. “In the past, there’s been far too many failures to count. Some successes too, don’t get me wrong, but far too many failures. Diamond dogs bear the brunt of these failures. We take them in, our system processes them, they get placement, that typically doesn’t work out, they go back into the system, grow up, problems fester, and when released as adults they do not have positive outcomes.”
Her eyes flashed with hard kindness.
“I suppose not every diamond dog is like Corduroy,” Sundance said with a mouth mostly empty of shortbread.
“My daughter, Twilight, along with Mrs. Oddbody and Mister Quick, proposed an expensive solution.” Twilight Velvet lifted her hoof, leaned back in her chair, and sighed. “Princess Cadance supported the idea, and so did I, but the Crown budget bureaucrats had fits over the idea of spending so much money on diamond dogs when there were so many ponies in need of help.”
“Seems to me that those bureaucrats forgot that diamond dogs can be Equestrians too.”
“Thank you!” Hoof extended, Twilight Velvet’s face broke into a wide grin. “It does my heart good to hear you say that.” She lowered her hoof, rested it upon the table, and then continued with what she’d started to say. “A little fundraising happened… outside of government expense control, and we hired behaviourists. We started to condition our charges, with mixed results.
“One such example is Runt.” She tapped on the blue folder before her with her hoof. “His mother, what little time she had with him, taught him to be brutish. Violent. When he came into our care, Runt knew only violence. Just like so many of the little diamond dogs that have come into our care over the years.”
“Might I ask what happened to his mother?”
Gaze leveled upon Sundance, Twilight Velvet replied, “She was a slaver. Worked on the outskirts of the city of Las Pegasus. Foal snatcher, mostly. Catch them young and then beat the fear into them. She resisted capture and was killed.”
“That’s awful,” said Sundance.
“It is.” The unicorn mare’s tone was flat, devoid of feeling, but her eyes were sad. “Runt was raised to be just as brutish… a danger to our kind. Our team of behaviourists went to work on him, and there was extensive reconditioning. Oh, not the dreadful kind. We set standards. Princess Cadance sent envoys in her stead to watch over the process, and shepherd it along.
“We feel that he is ready to be released into a controlled environment. He is gentle, caring, and good natured. But because of his formative years, he’s not terribly bright. I don’t want to say that he is stupid, but he is… developmentally challenged. He can read a bit, write a bit, but math will never be a strength for him. We feel that Corduroy will be a good role model for him, and your barony is an ideal environment for him to continue his development.”
“And he won’t be a danger to the other little ones?” asked Sundance.
“Goodness no,” was Twilight Velvet’s hurried response. “Fluttershy went to work on him quite some time ago. He smacked her a few times… even bit her. Somehow, she revived his sense of guilt. Now, he howls if he thinks he’s hurt somepony. Fluttershy left a lasting impression on him, as she tends to do. We feel confident that he is not a danger to others.”
“The issue,” Sundance said, “as I see it, is that there is a shortage of Fluttershies.”
“You’re not wrong.” Twilight Velvet grinned, but there was an air of sadness about it. “She can only do so much. As you’ve no doubt figured out on your own, it is why Tarantula had to be placed. Fluttershy must move on to other projects.”
It must be rough to be the Element of Kindness, Sundance thought to himself.
“Runt is ready for placement. He’s clumsy, so expect some bumps and bruises. The little guy is strong, he’s a natural digger, so maybe cultivate his strengths. As much as I am loathe to bring this up, he loves to play fetch. If you throw a stick, he will chase it, and bring it back to you. He will do this for hours without tiring. This too, might very well be an asset.
“I am aware of Corduroy’s quirks,” Sundance said to Twilight Velvet. “I find them endearing, and would never demean her for them. She gets excitable and chases after butterflies. Sometimes, she even barks. I think that she’s embarrassed about it. Not a word has been said, but I try to be supportive.”
Then, when the craving could no longer be denied, Sundance crammed a wafer of shortbread into his mouth and chewed. He hoped he wasn’t being rude, but his body needed the somewhat-sweet snack. It was buttery, kind of crumbly, and there was something about how the dry wafer transformed once inside his mouth.
Mid-chew, he wondered if he smelled…
“Of course, we also have problematic environments,” Twilight Velvet said while Sundance chewed his shortbread. “Were Runt to be released in a big city, which is the typical outcome, a variety of factors might reduce him to mere survival”—she paused, uncomfortable, and her eyes fell to the folder before her—“what I am trying to say is, adults of any species make poor decisions when desperate. There is a great deal of bias held against diamond dogs, as I am sure you’ve learned. They don’t get the same chances to succeed as our kind does. Your barony has fairer odds. A more level playing field. Runt will have a chance to make something of himself… a chance he might not get in the city.”
After he swallowed, he replied, “I also have Corduroy. She’s a fine example.”
“She is,” Twilight Velvet was quick to say. “Corduroy comes from a community of fine examples, and we discussed sending some of our successes out that way. We probably will. But… eggs in one basket and all of that.” She sighed, and for a brief second, extreme weariness marred her fine features. Not mere fatigue, but crushing exhaustion. With an eyeblink, she recovered her mask, and was more or less normal again.
“You’re seeding.”
One fine eyebrow arched and both of Twilight Velvet’s ears pivoted forwards to face Sundance. Her brows furrowed, her eyes twinkled, and thin, tiny wrinkles appeared along the bridge of her nose while she spent a few moments in thought. After a few seconds, she then said, “You’ve spent a lot of time around farmers. It shows. But you’re not wrong. It was my daughter Twilight’s idea to spread our successes around. She says she borrowed the idea from the nocturnal pegasus breeding programs scattered about Equestria. I’m not sure if I agree with her yet, but time will tell. Myself, I think that if we kept them together, they’d be able to offer support to one another. We could exploit pack mentality. But I also see the wisdom in my daughter’s ideas.”
Another square wafer of shortbread vanished into Sundance’s mouth.
Across the table, Twilight Velvet now seemed lost in thought. Sundance took this opportunity to collect his own thoughts and organise them. While he wasn’t the smartest pony, he saw the wisdom in what Twilight was doing. Equestria was not a safe place. Cities were sometimes attacked—sometimes almost leveled. Smaller communities dealt with monsters. Sometimes, an owlbear showed up from out of nowhere with a hankering for delicious peasant.
In a secure Equestria, one safe from all harm, the community where Corduroy came from might very well be enough. A diamond dog homeland of sorts, a slice of Equestria that they could call their own. Corduroy left it behind for her own reasons, but Sundance saw a bigger picture—he saw Twilight’s picture, though perhaps not at the same scale she did. If the diamond dogs were to survive and have a future in Equestria, they needed preservation, and beyond that, a place where they could thrive.
While entertainment was a priority of his, security was now more so.
A single owlbear could ruin all of Twilight Velvet’s investment into the future.
“Twilight Sparkle seeks conservation of endangered species.” Sundance said his thoughts aloud. “In this instance, civilised diamond dogs. How few are too few? Equestria has who knows how many millions of ponies. But how many diamond dogs live here and call our nation home? How many of them are just like Corduroy?”
“I don’t know,” Twilight Velvet replied, “and I am not sure that anypony does.”
“Surely somepony must care enough to find out.”
“Sundance, there are those that care. But we are a minority. Getting an even somewhat accurate count takes financing. Resources. That would be a major undertaking. Princess Celestia told me that we have a better idea of the number of ferals that exist within our borders, because they pose a threat—”
“But we don’t know how many peaceful diamond dogs act as our allies?”
Dismayed, Twilight Velvet shook her head from side to side.
“So am I to understand that efforts are beginning to improve things?”
She nodded, then replied, “Princess Celestia began these efforts decades ago. Not long after Equestria’s Civil War. She tried to include them as part of the reconstruction efforts, because so many diamond dogs battled against the Separatists. Her efforts were stymied by the bureaucracy though. Now that bureaucratic reform is in full swing, Twilight has picked up where Celestia was forced to leave off.”
“So, it is a matter of bureaucrats establishing new policies.”
“To some extent, that is correct, Sundance.”
“And I am a natural born bureaucrat… or so I’ve been told many times over.”
“Celestia says that you do have that way about you. Some pegasus ponies have legendary endurance and make heroic stands against impossible odds, and do battle with endless legions. You seem to take the same stance against paperwork. If I may say it, Celestia admires your bureaucratic fortitude. So does Raven. Sure, you’re no Commander Hurricane, but you have your own silent admirers.”
“You’re not joking.” He blinked. “I can’t detect any teasing. You’re either very good at what you do, or you are actually serious.”
“That’s because I’m being serious right now. Commander Hurricane had the strength to help found a nation, but not the wherewithal to run it. Everypony remembers his strength, his bravery, his command of the battlefield. What ponies gloss over is the absolute disaster that was his attempt to rule. Pansy’s quiet determination, soft words, and attention to detail laid out a legacy that still serves the Pegasus Pony Tribe to this very day. But nopony remembers the bureaucrat that organised Equestria and cemented the government in place.”
This gave Sundance pause.
“Back to the subject at hoof.” Twilight Velvet pulled the pink folder closer, opened it, leaned forwards, and focused her calm, collected stare upon Sundance. “Actually, if I may say one more thing on this subject… Equestria has need of more than heroes. Equestria needs bureaucrats. Civil servants like Buttermilk and Copperquick. Ponies like you. It isn’t glamorous, the pay is lousy, the hours are terrible, but it is a job that must be done.”
Somewhat overwhelmed, Sundance agreed with a single word: “Indeed.”
“Our second success for today is a little pup named Bonk. Like Runt, she was violent and brutish. A natural clubber. Our behaviourists reconditioned her to channel all that violent energy into music. Now she’s a natural drummer. Bonk’s a little sweetheart now that she’s been properly reconditioned. She loves performing, wants to be the center of attention, and craves praise more than anything. Bonk shows signs of intelligence, at least to some degree. She has a little trouble reading and writing, but she is young still. We feel that is natural.
“What makes her exceptional is the fact that she’s started reading and writing music. While she has trouble with letters, she’s a quick study of music. We’ve tried to encourage that in her. For all we know, she might just be a musical prodigy. Time will tell. We’ll be sending you home with a crate of musical primers, picture books, and other things to assist in nurturing her gift.”
“Alright.”
“Also, expect visits from our team of behaviourists.” Twilight Velvet closed both folders, stacked them atop each other, tamped them against the table to perfectly align them, and then set them down. “Runt and Bonk are very close. Like, sister and brother close. Besties. Bonk is clearly the brains, while Runt is… well, Runt is Runt. Poor little guy will always be rather slow, I fear. Without somepony, or somedoggy, as the case may be… without someone to tell him what to do and how to do it, Runt is rather lost. His lumpy, misshapen skull is evidence of his mother’s abuse. Sundance, I am trusting you to provide him with a good, meaningful life. Even the simpleminded deserve that.”
“I’m almost certain that Corduroy would leave lumps on my skull if I did Runt wrong. She’s a pacifist, or says she is, but I watched her go and maul a turkey-sized spider in the shitter. Totally changed how I saw her.”
Twilight Velvet’s expression turned deadpan. Her ears splayed out a bit, rotated sideways, away from Sundance, and her head tilted off to one side in the typical ‘curious pony’ position. He saw the corner of her mouth twitch, but only once, and then her face returned to absolute stillness. No reaction could be read and Sundance could feel his anxiousness as it crept through his guts.
“None of the little ones go to the potty alone,” Sundance said, because he felt the need to explain himself. “We have a strict policy where they are are accompanied by an adult. I’d like to think that we’re proactive, and focused on safety.”
“Well,” Twilight Velvet said at last, “I should hope so.”
“The wilderness is dangerous,” Sundance said, still hoping to explain himself.
“Once, a long time ago,” Twilight Velvet began, “little Twilight went off to a Starswirl themed summer camp for young wizards-in-training. I wasn’t going to let her go, but my husband, Night Light, he promised her that she could, which of course left me without a leg to stand on. Twilight and wilderness are two words that should never be in the same sentence.
“To make a long story short, Twilight went into an outhouse and had an encounter with a tiny, harmless snake… which pretty much scarred her for life. We had to charter an airship and go out to retrieve her, because she would no longer go potty in the wilderness. She wanted a safe, secure proper bathroom. When we arrived, she was practically ready to burst.”
Sundance covered his mouth with his wing. “Oh my…”
“She got better, but still has a phobia of snakes.”
“I think some of my peasants are afraid of spiders,” Sundance remarked.
“Perfectly reasonable,” Twilight Velvet replied. “So, would you like to meet the pups? I had them flown into Canterlot. They’re in unfamiliar surroundings and are in an excited state. Try to keep that in mind when you meet them. It is my hope that they make a good impression. We taught Bonk how to curtsey. Say something nice when she does it, because we want to reinforce that sociable behaviour.”
That was a lot to take in, but Sundance nodded, ready.
“Feeling better?” asked Twilight Velvet.
“Much better.” Sundance shifted in his seat. “I’d like to meet the pups. Is there anything else I should know?”
“We’ve printed you out an instruction booklet. A sort of primer on conditioning behaviours. It will tell you everything you need to know. Come along, don’t worry about the mess. Some poor intern will clean it up. It’s getting late, and we need to get you on your way before it is truly dark. Bonk is scared of the dark… which is why you need Runt around. He keeps her calm. It’s all in the instruction manual.”
“Oh… well… a little light reading will at least give me something to do...”
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9909937
Care Bear stare.
memestatic.fjcdn.com/pictures/Big+bonk+crush+smol+dex+smalli+usually+go+for+a_0c3695_6810017.jpg
big bonk
9910005
Unsupported format.
The image shows up in the image window, but not as a comment. Hold on.
img.ifunny.co/images/2fa5a2aaf146fc9f7844d41fb8e3ce0ffe88395238b4ee585eab6141d196b9d7_1.jpg
Here's an Ifunny copy
More kiddoes for the barony! Looks like they're doing a good job building a future for themselves.
Dark Souls memes are funny as fuck, my dudes
A lot of this stuff might be boring if we weren't so frequently reminded of all that is at state here, on both a personal and a national level. Hearing about how Twilight is trying to spread the Diamond Dogs out so that a major attack doesn't wipe them out is a great reminder that this world is in serious peril while also showing us how this one small community can be an asset for protecting it, even if it is just in small ways for now.
Honestly this is doing a good job of showing why this kind of stuff shouldn't be boring.
9910059
Thanks. That is what I was hoping to convey.
i find none of this boring. i actually find all of this really interesting. just had to throw that out there.
Incomin puppies. Brace for drum solos.
9910059 9910066
Yeah, i love these little calm, mundane moments that passively highlight the momentous background workings of the world.
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/593/405/eb5.jpg
Also, I agree with 9910094
It's not boring - in my opinion these details make your stories unique and interesting.
the two pups sounds sweet.
this is going to be a challenging.
Could use more of the Element Bearers in general.
In case I haven't said it before (but I think I have), Corduroy is great and awesome. One of my favorite characters.
I can visualize Runt being a good, young hand (paw?) to the older ponies when they are farming. He likes to dig? He'd be a help there.
I always kind of like the in between (aka "boring") stuff. I find it is the building blocks of what is to come.
9908164
You aren't wrong. That is very descriptive (if gross). I can picture easily in my mind. I kind of want to mention that description to my brothers and, maybe, my dad. They'd get it.
Corporate ‘charity’ is particularly soul-destroying. They charge you, take all your benefits, deny your autonomy, infantilize you, order you to work for no pay in dangerous conditions (or be kicked out), physically abuse you or allow you to be abused, and then call you ungrateful when you call the police or leave.
What do you mean, not exciting? This is fascinating and even instructive.
okay i may be odd but i like the boring bits makes the story more fun and full
Ohhhh! I LOVE it when you bring in Psychology into your stories! <3
wonder what would happen if Runt got a bass.