Tummy troubles
Sundance awoke to the blurry sight of a burro that stared at him with intense, sad eyes, and upon his arrival into consciousness, his heart ached with sympathy for what had to be the most miserable looking creature that he’d ever seen. The colt’s long ears hung limp against the sides of his face, which gave him the appearance of a melancholy rabbit. More than a little befuddled, out of sorts, and brain-fogged, Sundance tried to make sense of this sad new world that he found himself in.
“What time is it?” he asked.
To which the burro colt replied with a shrug, “Morning.”
“Morning?” How could this be, Sundance wondered. Morning was quite a revelation. Somehow, he’d slept the afternoon, the whole of the night, and missed the dawn. His body ached, it needed a good stretch, but he didn’t feel like moving. After a yawn and a good ear waggle, he asked, “Why are you in the infirmary?”
Tarantula, who sat on the next bed over shrugged again, his head tilted to one side, and he pointed at his stomach with his left front hoof. “Tummy ache.”
“Tummy ache?” Sundance lifted his head from his pillow, which was far too warm to be comfortable. Yes, this pillow needed to be flipped over, so the cool side could be enjoyed. He did so without taking his eyes off the colt, and then found that much to his dismay, the other side was just as warm.
What a terrible way to start the morning.
“Worry,” Tarantula said, as if one word explained everything.
Sundance shifted his body around and began to flex his achy joints. The hot shivers, is that what Paradox had called them? He had a vague memory of sweating buckets while his teeth chattered. It was an unpleasant flu-like experience and he wondered how unicorns dealt with it. He almost flung his blankets off, but then thought better of it.
“So you’ve worried yourself into a tummy ache?”
The tiny colt turned away.
“No, no, it is nothing to be ashamed of. I’m trying to help.”
Tarantula returned his sad eyes to Sundance.
“What has you worried?”
“Everything,” the young colt replied.
“Oh.” It dawned upon Sundance that this was no mere worry, but anxiety, which concerned him. This was his big issue in trying to talk to foals: one had to guess what they were actually saying, which meant that one had to pay extraordinary attention to everything said, and every little detail. “What has you worried, little guy?”
He saw the burro colt raise both forelegs and shrug.
Not one to give up, Sundance tried again. “Talk to me. What has you worried? You can tell me. I won’t be upset. I just want to help you.”
Tarantula hesitated. His mouth opened, he inhaled, but then no words came out. A low moan escaped him, he rubbed his stomach, and then squirmed around on the bed. Sundance watched with a neutral expression, and hoped that the little colt might share his troubles. After all, he didn’t want to answer to Twilight Velvet—or Fluttershy for that matter—so it was important that he did his job as a caretaker. The issue, as he saw it, was that he had no clue what to do.
“Holly keeps hugging me.”
“Oh.” Sundance nodded to show that he listened. “And that bothers you. Do you want me to ask her to stop that? I mean, she might not listen to you, but she’ll listen to me.”
“I kinda like it,” the colt said in a low whisper. “And I kinda don’t.”
“Oh.” Suddenly self-conscious that he might perhaps say ‘oh’ a bit too much, Sundance wasn’t sure what to say. “Um…” No, that wasn’t much better, and he cut himself off. “Uh…” The third time had no charm at all, and Sundance wondered if there was something wrong with his brain.
“Flutternice hugged me too. She sent me away.”
This time, Sundance didn’t even make an attempt.
“When Holly hugs me, I get scared. Don’t know why.”
“Tarantula”—Sundance chose his words with great care, as if they were the most important words he might ever say—“Fluttershy did her best to heal you and get you ready for your new home. She had to send you away. That’s just the way of things. This is your home now. Look… Holly, she has her problems, but she’s a great mom. That’s kind of her thing. I’m pretty sure that if something tried to take you away from her, she’d fight them. What I’m trying to say is, if she’s hugging you, it’s because you’re hers now.”
“I want to belong,” the colt said in a voice that broke mid-sentence.
We all want to belong, Sundance thought, but didn’t say. He thought of Turmeric, then Corduroy, and then himself. He thought of school—a time when he didn’t belong—and whilst he sorted his thoughts, it occurred to him that he belonged here, of all places. It was only here, in the hinterlands east of Canterlot that he found a place where he belonged—and found himself. A place where he was comfortable in his own skin.
“I want to like it,” the colt said as he tucked his chin against his chest, wrapped his forelegs around his tiny middle, and hugged himself. “I don’t like being alone. Everything scares me. I want to feel safe. But when she hugs me I worry and my tummy hurts.”
“Things will get better,” Sundance found himself saying without much thought. “They’ll get better, I promise. You won’t be sent away. I know that it is hard right now, but you have to let Holly love you. It’ll get easier. For all of her faults, she’s a good mom. She’s your mom now—”
Tarantula’s head lifted suddenly. “That scares me.”
“Look, it’s scary, but you need to let it happen. It’ll probably be weird, and scary, and uh, it’ll probably feel strange and there might be some tummy aches. You’ll probably wonder if she really wants you, or if you’ll be sent away, or if you’ll be neglected again. I don’t know how to get you through those tough spots… but Holly probably can. If you let her. Of course, she might just smother you and refuse to let you go until you come around… which now that I think about it, might make things worse.”
“Something wrong with me.” Tarantula raised his right hoof, tapped it against his head, all while his eyes welled with tears. “Not right. Not good. Not wantable.”
Sundance wasn’t exactly sure what had been said, and he tried to understand the colt’s words. He thought about them, with great care and consideration, and after several long seconds, he asked, “Are you scared that Holly won’t want you because you get scared and worried?”
“Not fun. Not happy. Not like others.” Tarantula collapsed into a heap and curled up into a tight fetal ball.
“I think”—Sundance was fearful of his own words even as he said them—“that you being just the way you are makes Holly want you more. She has a need to nurture, that mare. I don’t know much about her, but I do know that. Look, little guy… what you have is called ‘anxiety.’ Lots of, uh, creatures have it. Having anxiety doesn’t make you bad, it just means that you need a little help… and some ponies”—he corrected himself—“some creatures, they want to help others. Like Fluttershy. That’s their thing. It’s what they do. It is what gives them purpose. Now, I can’t say for certain, but I’m pretty sure that Holly is that way. So she’s going to want you because you’re troubled.”
Nothing. No response. Tarantula remained curled up and the steadfast silence held. Sundance tried to think of more to say, but the well had run dry. Perhaps the problem was that he was trying to discuss this like an adult, and Tarantula was most certainly not an adult. It was hard talking to foals to begin with—but this moment in particular felt impossible. Sundance wanted to get out of bed, and go over to hug the miserable little burro, but he worried that doing so might actually cause the little guy to feel even worse.
Thankfully, reprieve came in the form of the door opening, and Corduroy returning. Sundance was eager to see her. She appeared well-rested, which was good, and he saw the look of intense concern that she typically wore. Today, she wore a blue smock, along with her patchwork beanie, and the blue was a nice contrast with her bone white hide,. She crossed the room, hunkered down beside Tarantula’s bed, and gently poked him with her paw thumb.
“You alive?” she asked.
“He has anxiety,” Sundance said to his nurse.
“Yeah, thought so. While I feel that it is better to sort these things out and deal with the cause, I think I’ll resort to a little medication—”
“Medication?” Sundance lifted his head and for the first time, realised that he needed to go. He wondered if there would be spiders…
“Oh, nothing too strong. A calming tea, I think, with mild sedative properties. Something to take the edge off while he adjusts.” She turned her attention to Sundance. “How do you feel?”
“Like I have the flu,” he replied.
“Paradox said you’d feel like that. She says the first time is typically the worst, but then the body adjusts. Hmm, it’s not like you to stay in bed.” The fretful diamond dog rubbed her chin with her broad thumb. “Stay put. I’ll bring you breakfast. And tea. And something hydrating to drink. I’ll be right back.”
And without another word, the diamond dog departed.
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And it's a nice chapter.
Poor Tarantula. Shy about being hugged, yet being so eminently huggable.
This is a nice chapter, shows how people without anxiety might try helping someone who does.
Kid, Holly hugged you, she has now imprinted on you, you are now hers forever.
I'm not so sure about that, especially when it comes to her children.
Nice. I wonder how long it's been since he made the leader board. I'm guessing maybe 3 weeks to a month, after rereading the story over yesterday and the day before to refresh.
Now I kinda want to give the burro a hug.
Tarantula has a long rough road ahead of him and Holly will be a huge help in time.
9902191
Yeah, but doing so would cause anxiety. He would wonder about if you actually liked him. If he had any actual value. If you were really being nice to him or if you meant it, or if you were just trying to win his trust for some reason. And he would wonder what that reason might be. The very thought of it all would twist his guts into knots. He would wonder what might happen when he stops being cute and goes back to being neglected, and how much it might hurt to suddenly be alone again. This, and more, is what goes through the little guys's mind.
Poor little guy. Wants hugs and affection but doesn’t know what to do with it, or how to process it
Good chapter. :)
Tarantula... you are adorable.
just wondering if Sunflower will be getting a visit from Flicker Nicker , Hennessy and Piper or Mister Nut and Potato Blossom
after all the Sunflower bureau would be a grate place to relax or train.
9902191
Me, too. But, I don't think that would help in this case. Which makes me sad. :( I'd probably offer him a blanket to curl up in or sit next to him to let him know he isn't alone but he doesn't have to be hugged, if he wanted to lean into me, I'd tell him he could.
Calming tea is probably a really good idea.
Clearly we see his Past Trauma with his Future Hope battling for Supremacy.