Big Apples on a high pole

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Comments ( 10 )

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DarthSylar12

DarthSylar12 #1 · Dec 1st, 2017 · 1 · · 1. painting the barn ·

Color me intrigued. FlutterMac is kinda my favorite ship, so anything that has a inkling of it, get my attention. This is definitely an odd take on it but one I'd be interested in seeing more of in the future.

Akataja

Akataja #2 · Dec 1st, 2017 · · · 1. painting the barn ·

8582719
Thank you, I'll take that as a compliment ^^
It is always nice meeting other fans of Fluttermac. I get the impression that there are a lot of people which don't like this ship or even hate it... but I will sail on it until the end ^^

Lord Cipher

Lord Cipher #3 · Dec 4th, 2017 · · · 1. painting the barn ·

This story was...less than stellar. It was quite bad to be honest.

Akataja

Akataja #4 · Dec 4th, 2017 · 1 · · 1. painting the barn ·

8589368
maybe you want to describe to us why it was so bad?
I really like reviews, which help me get better as a writer, but just "it was bad" did not help and just seems like someone had a bad day :D

abbymcvey87

abbymcvey87 #5 · Dec 5th, 2017 · 1 · · 1. painting the barn ·

I caught a few grammar mistakes for you to fix. I know you said English isn't your first language, so if you want me to explain something, I'm happy to help! But the story was really good overall.

"But little did they knew about him" in paragraph 2 should be "But little did they know about him"

"Over the time" in paragraph 3, you don't need the word "the"

"this world which don't give him" in paragraph 3, "don't" should be "didn't"

"he just had trade one of" in paragraph 4, make "trade" past tense

"his sister came down" in paragraph 4, should be "come down"

Ok, that's just a few things I noticed when casually reading. I'd be glad to look it over more carefully though, if you'd like Again, though, it's very good!