The mane six are called by Princess Celestia to investigate anomilies that are happening throughout Equestria. Upon the journey they meet a colt, Revenant Soul, who is connected to the anomilies and may have the solution to the problem. While trying to help out the mane six, Revenant is also searching for something that he has lost and hopefully begin a new life. Can the mane six help aid him as well as rely on his help fix Equestria or will the new colt be the catalyst that changes Equestria?
A story filled with adventure, average days in ponyville, new insight to the world of Equestria, lessons of life and friendship. and some love or heartbreak. Teen rated for mature situations, some language (if needed, but it may not), and a touch of macabre (but there only a few situations will have it). Other than that, first fan-fic, mostly rated for anypony to pick up and read so I hope you all enjoy.
I have a feeling this will make the sponsored box, so... FIRST
Man this took awhile to get Chapter 3 going but I got it still
. Anywho to my readers hopefully this one makes up for the delay, and to any new readers if it feels as though the story starts out slow keep on reading because it will only go up from there. As for other comments, thank you for the positive amount of views so at least I know I'm doing something right
. I dread myself for saying this but this is my first fanfic so I'm open for comments and hope to draw more readers into the story
This has great potential.
Keep up the great work!
This chapter was really fun :) I liked it how he gave the lesson to the fillys
Interesting End. Is there going to be a sequel?
1347545 Yes there will be a sequel that is I'm already working on. This one will take some time because I'm trying to see what my flaws were in this story and plan on improving my skills as a writer. I also have a couple other stories in the woodworks that plan to be released as well. Thank you for reading it all the way through, I hope I got your interest.
1347953 I wouldn´t ask if i am not interested
1348100 Ah that is true :derpytongue2. If you wouldn't mind I would like to hear your thoughts on the story such as: plot, style of writing, and anything that you had an issue with. Anything benefits me on future works
1348107 I think I can do that
I am just a writer by myself but bad circumstances I dont have the time for that atm...but I can spend some time to tell you what I liked at your story and I can give you some constructive vritics too
1348211 I would greatly appreciate it. Please be brutal so I know where I need to improve the most. This was my first to test my writing skills and honestly I had fun with it. I know for sequel and other works I'll fix my mistakes. Sorry to hear that you can't push anything out but I can try and help you in any way possible
1348377 I pmed you my critics :)
Hokay this is where my stop. I've been enjoying the story so far, you need some grammar and spelling help but it's minor stuff. There's plenty of groups on here that Will happily help if you ask.
That said the reason I'm going to stop reading is with the Twi and Rev thing. He lost his soulmate and child in a brutal war a few months ago and he's already chasing Twilight's tail? It really makes him seem like he didn't actually care for Terra all that much, which then makes his story and tears feel very hollow. If someone loses their soulmate and child in a brutal event, they can certainly pick up and keep going but they're really not likely to start liking someone new after only two months. Usually it takes months or years to get over that sort of loss and think about moving on. To make it so short makes it seem incredibly insincere. It makes Revenant sort of feel a bit bipolar, one minute he's sobbing over his loss and the next he's kissing Twilight like Terra never existed.
I would suggest one of two things. Rewrite those chunks so Twi likes him but he rebuffs her due to not being ready for a new relationship or extend the time of when he lost them to at least a year or more. Then it makes sense that he still has moments of sadness and missing her but can still pursue Twilight and have it make sense.
The other thing was them saying they loved each other after a few short weeks. To say one is in love after that short a time feels fake, that's too short a time for them to truly get to know each other deeply. To say they like each other certainly but to say love feels too strong and feels like a high school crush.
This is meant to be constructive criticism and I say it because I want the story to be as good as it possible can be. Please know none of this is meant to hurt or offend.