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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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this turned from a save the world to a SOL and i love it.
feels like home
8627402
Thank you, there is definitely more SOL in the further chapters, although there is still plenty of flank left to kick. Hope you enjoy and happy holidays!
Great chapters, seems like someone's trying to kill Ari by making it look like an accident, and that smoothie was probably poisoned.
8627435
correct.
8627435
Well yeah, the scent of almonds is typically pointing to cyanide. Though that does bring to question if he can even be killed by it, let alone be affected by it.
So our boy's been upping his danger meter, things that usually kill with brute force, peaked at the hydra, now he faces the more subtler dangers of assassination.
8627405
Thank you! and to you too!
Other than the fact this story needs a fair bit of cleaning up, i like it.
wot wot two foals this is grate.
Welp, I guess Ari is too ignorant to die.
8629281
Thank you!
I am in the process of editing it, any areas that stood out as particularly bad? Or anything that bugged you that comes to mind?
Any suggestion appreciated.
Sigh, i was dreading this, Ari-sue fate's little OP bitch. Not criticizing how this was handled, normally the scene with the hapless hero fumbling through the death traps via hand of god comes across as cute. But in this story god is an active participant, having Ari unknowingly avoid death makes me feel like Ari is untouchable. Now the fact that Faust is at war with other gods could keep the tension up. But from the scene with Luna it feels more like they are protecting Ari. I'm hopeing that Ari's god troubles are alot more complicated than they appear. Normally I dont like seeing gods interact with mortals it makes things overly complicated. Its better to have the protagonist dealing with emissaries and avatars as they are a little less OP.
Anyways sorry about the rant, it just feels like Ari is ignoring some pretty heavy emotional shit and its all going to come due at the worst time.
8629868
It is ok to rant, I appreciate the honest review.
Thank you I was aiming for comedy but as you pointed out that is hard to do with the god involved. I really hate including Fate in the story but couldn't see not including him due to the final arc, he will be literally on the playing field then, but it will come at the cost of his power in the final arc but getting there is the time consumer, if you are curious Zeus hasn't taken notice of this meddling yet and he is a not going to be impressed.
I agree with interacting with gods being overly complicated definitely not going this route for a while again, next story no gods! Way too much work working with gods.
Curious as to what you think is going to happen, not sure if I threw out enough foreshadowing.
8629585
The whole story in general. Missing/misspelled words mostly, for instance 'so' only has one 'o' in it not two unless its being drawn out. I'm not trying to be rude, I'm really not. I'm just bad at phrasing things to where people don't get offended or take things the wrong way.
8630377
I don't find it rude, by 'in general' did you mean plot or the distraction of the frequent grammar/spelling issues disrupting the flow of the narrative?
8630420
The frequent grammar/spelling issues, those always throw me out of my immersion.
8630429
Thank you, I hope they are appearing less, I'm hoping I get them all during this mass edit.
8630501
no problem, happy to help in any way I can.
Wonderful story! Even with my inner spelling/grammar monster constantly rearing its ugly head, your tale has captivated me and I hope to see more.
8627435
Enough to drop a bull elephant or three if there was enough cyanide to overpower the normal smell of the drink. You should not be able to smell that unless you're looking very hard. The run away hay wagon and beam-to-the-neck might have been kidnapping attempts but cyanide? Really clumsy assassin.
8703568
You are however also forgetting his now enhanced sense of smell.
8714410
That hasn't been mentioned or confirmed yet only hinted at in his behavior, all we know from his internal dialogue is that his sense of smell is better than when he was human. However when it comes to poisons they are only used if the target species can't smell them, which in this case is equines. Also a more sensitive nose would mean all the other scents from the drink are also stronger and would still mask the odor.
Though I refer you to my follow up comment two chapters after this one when it is mentioned, by the assassin.
8714630
It was confirmed in several of the early chapters though the best example I believe was when he was helping Azure for Barium's sake.
See the wording of that would make me suspicious. The bitch attacked you and only relented when forced to do so, then she words something like that in a town where slaving is common? DUH! I have not finished the chapter, but the progression here is obvious! She has an Alicorn, A Changeling, and a Siren asking for magic inhibitors which could be used on them. Way to offer yourself on a silver fucking platter!
So, what is Kapera, exactly? She's called a Mongofu, but I can't find any information on what that is. The description here is either too vague, or applies to too many things to narrow it down.
9249200
Kapera, a mongufu, is a mongoose based species that I invented for part of my elaboration of the Zebrican country.
9250156 That also explains the Pirate King later in the story. Thanks.
how my mother