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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Surrounded by blood, gore and dead bodies....
Now ain't that the most romantic scene ever?
8574711
Th was awesome need more
"Release restraint level one..."
At least two of the gryphons survived *loves gryphons*
The get together was kind of cheesy. But the ‘get together’ is probably the hardest part to write. Also, not all guys are jerks. Just putting that out there.
8615527
Tell me about it, cheese gravitates to those moments.
Jabbar is/was meant be portrayed as a 'asshole' at that point it was needed for the story however please know there are many guys in RL and this story that are not assholes and will not be portrayed as assholes.
Was that arabic turned latin that I just read?
8636671
Not sure about latin, but it was Arabic. Although I don't speak it, so if any native speakers read this and have commentary on that I would love to hear it, google can only get me so far.
Enter the heat of battle!
FIGHT!
What the hell is a schimiter? Do you mean scimitar?
Also, to the characters, do not EVER leave enemies alive. It will always come back to bite you.
el macho
Loving the story so far - but - you really need to get a decent editor in here to do some clean up work on these chapters man. Also, you seemed to have skipped over what could be a really thorough plot point - Ari has just seemed to throw caution to the wind in regards to accepting a strange foreign culture, I mean she literally got dumped on an alien world, transformed into a pony and had her gender changed. I'd think that would be creating at least -some- measure of personal confrontations, and I'd have imagined (personally) that she wouldn't be so ready to dive into a relationship, let alone physical interactions.
capitalization
"An" although in dialog it would be determined by the level of education the one speaking has.
"I'm"
Please for the love of god get an editor, I can see you editing earlier chapters yourself, but the amount of uncapitalized "i"'s are breaking me!
Ari is God's gift to mares.