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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I'm surprised Celestia and Luna didn't have a more negative response to Ari's letter. I mean, he's basically telling them their jobs are harmful, and unnecessary. One would think the two sisters would get much more defensive than what was portrayed in the chapter.
Good progress, looking forward to more chapters.
8597876
My understanding is that they not only don't believe his words to be true, but that he has been mislead by whatever god brought him there.
I would bet on them thinking they can correct the 'misunderstanding' when they meet him.
Hard choice, children or keep their jobs, status and power as avatars of the celestial bodies. Lucky for Ari they have never been in heat before so they will most probably cave to his demand of the release of the sun and moon. And with a magical contract making it permanent.. It is dirty but it could work.
Celestia and Luna we're a little OOC in this chapter, I didn't really feel their reaction to Ari's letter was;
A. Believable
B. Appropriate to Ari's extremely rude and condescending remarks.
So I ret-con this chapter from my memory, may it be rewritten at the earliest convenience.
I always look forward to new chapters for this story every day.
Huh, they took it well.
8598384
Adding a little more angst and anger to it now, although it may not be to the level you expecting.
At 3am I think my brain was not all there.
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Edited now.
What you had read was the result of 3am writing.
this is the kind of chapter to just stop and think about every thing that is going on.
this is a vary good chapter with so much to think about.
8597876
It has been edited since then, on re-reading it I noticed some character issues.
3am writing
8597923
True good point.
8598557
Ah now I'm curious
Hmm, good chapter. You can see Crysi's influence. A few pokes and prods, a few insults for funzies. An now she has two more mares to fight off. That is not going to be fun.
8598529 Yeah, much better now.
I wonder if this Celestia will turn out to be Xenolestia or just terminally dumb not to have noticed the effects of their magic on other countries.
8600835
Terminally ignorant, most likely. Not dumb, just......unobservant. She even stated that they haven’t left the country in a long time, and that the planetary magic was made to help EQUESTRIA’S economy. Apparently they didn’t take into consideration the other countries economies.....or lack Thereof considering the changelings have been flooded to death with sulphuric water, the Minotaur’s fields have been turned to swamps, and the griffon’s mountains have been turned into mudslide city........yeah, I would be mad at them to...........
So this pretty much confirms my theory that this is gonna be one of those stories where the ponies don't really give a crap about anyone other than ponies or near-ponies (like the zerbas or horses of Saddle-Arabia), especially given the wording of Celestia's affirmation that their parents wouldn't do anything to hurt other ponies.
This also probably means that even if Chrysalis hadn't tried invading them, they're probably not gonna be too happy to find Ari already in a relationship with her and a half-siren.
This chapter was very enjoyable, and helped confirm, or at least lend credence to, several theories I've had as to happenings of this story.
While reading Ari's letter(which was clearly tinged with Chrysalis' bias), Celestia mentioned that Ari might be being lied to by Faust. Thinking on it, that might actually be true, at least partially. It's made rather clear early in the story that Faust isn't the nicest 'god' of the bunch and has made very obvious the fact that he views the ponies and other mortals as playthings, and despite him doing a 'nice' thing by sending Ari to save Equestria, it definitely isn't being nice about it. This leads me to believe that Faust is simply using Equestria's peril as an excuse for something far less 'nice' and that he didn't give Ari all the facts when he said Celestia and Luna were effectively destroying the world.
Consider replacing "when" with "after" maybe put "had fainted"
"his mind created" maybe, not really sure how to fix this to be honest.
remove "been"
the world where I came from was like.
capitalization
capitalization
Capitalization
an act that we would have to remedy
That's all folks.
Fuck you. You put Changelings in a volcano, denied ponies democracy, messed with nature and countless other offenses and abuses.
One slight issue with this chapter.
Paying people to have kids doesn't work. People will have kids sooner, but they won't have MORE kids. This is true in every nation that has attempted this. This also requires money, which would increase taxation
Other than that this is great
10006111
Democracy is an inherentlyflawed system
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As an American, Winston Churchill gave us one good ass way to summarize why. "The biggest argument against democracy is a chat with the average citizen."