Slowly backing out of the room as one's mind silently screams in terror.
Spike slowly lowered the scroll and blinked his strained eyes. Eyes dry and fatigued like he had just tried to insert a couple bricks into his head via his orbital sockets. He turned towards the pony who was looking at him with a wide smile and eyes filled with anticipation. "Twilight, I think you might need to lay down."
This somehow elected an enthusiastic nod from the Princess. "I know! I feel overwhelmed just watching you reading that scroll and remembering what it was like to be there on that day!" Twilight closed her eyes and cooed out a sigh. "I remember it as if it just happened today."
Spike raised an eyebrow. "Maybe because it did? We had lunch at Canterlot Castle before coming back home!"
"...And yet it's still just a memory..." Twilight murmured in a wistful melancholy like a pony who knew she had experienced the best life had to offer and that her existence could be nothing but downhill from that point on.
Spike's brow tightened in confusion before they returned to the scroll. "Okay... but..." He let out a heavy, gravely sigh. "You of all ponies understand how sentences work, but whatever I just read was some sort of mental assault to parse that simultaneously savagely attacked my eyes." He shook his head. "I mean, I expected more from—"
Twilgiht suddenly lunged at Spike, placing her forehooves on his shoulders as she locked her mulberry eyes with Spike's emerald ones. "Okay Spike, but you weren't THERE!"
"Uh..." Spike couldn't help but avert eye contact as nervousness slowly crept onto his face like a black cat from the shadows. "I literally was, but—"
Twilight continued, trampling over Spike's sentence as impassioned words poured from her word hole. " I mean... Did you feel like you were there?! There watching Princess Celestia?! There watching the most perfect ruler in all Equestria eat cake?!"
"Uh... Sorry, Twilight, but I'm getting the picture it was somehow a more transcendent experience for you than me..." Spike looked down at the scroll again and quickly ran a claw over the words as he mumbled to himself. "I'll at least grant you that I appear to be holding roughly a picture worth of words though."
Twilight let out a weighty, nearly soul-crushing sigh as she released Spike and trotted away. "No, you're right, Spike..." She rose a forehoof to her forehead dramatically. "Words can't do that moment justice! Even writing this piece I felt oddly hollow compared to that singular perfect moment where I watched that small piece of cake in the enviable position of becoming one with Princess Celestia!"
Spike said nothing, instead opting to slowly back away from Twilight.
Twilight gasped. "Perhaps if I can use a spell to make that moment a fixed point in time that I can visit again and again!" She let out a chuckle that came out equal parts mirth and madness. "I can relive that sublime scene as many times as I want for as long as I live! Maybe eternity!" Her smile grew in both happiness and hysteria. "Maybe I can even share the joy of that moment with all of Equestria! No! The world! NO! ALL WORLDS ACROSS ALL DIMENSIONS! " With a smile so wide it threatened to crack her face, Twilight looked around the room once more. "Spike?! Spike... Oh, nevermind. I bet Starlight could help..."
Speaking of help, the word, though in big, bold capital letters, was soon scrawled into a magic journal over and over again, filling page after page. This continued until Sunset Shimmer crossed dimensions just in time to close a reality rip that threatened to destroy all of existence, as both ponies and humans know it, via unraveling the very concept of time. Sunset's success was celebrated via an experiment regarding how many newspapers she could fit into a magical ceremony room minus the volume of one lavender alicorn and one lilac unicorn.
She also celebrated with some delicious, moist cake.
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Please tell me I‘m not the only one that has no idea what just happened...
What the...
8509766
Welp, this story seems to take place in continuity with A Newspaper Solves Everypony's Problem. Spike, in response to Twilight going manic, has called Sunset to once more come forth and do battle with the forces of Bad Ponies That Just Need A Smack.
Twilight knows that alcohol can inspire, and caffeine can motivate. Twilight believes in overclocking. Twilight drank jagerbombs for inspiration and then took cocaine while writing.
Was not expecting another Sunset Newspaper situation this morning. I love it!!! Please keep up the good work.
PS - Has Sunset discovered if a newspaper whacking solves problems in the human world?
How come Sunset didn't show up in the movie to hit Tempest on the head with a newspaper?
8510140
They had to pad out the length somewhat. It'd be silly to do all this advertisement for the movie to have it last ten minutes.
Seriously though, I have a fic that explains what happened to Sunset (as well as a pair of other magical unicorns!) I've just been busy with all the other fics I've been writing.
I warned ya!
8510162
Giant wall of text aside, there were actually quite a few more. I just can't bring myself to go through that again. Sorry.
8510296
I tossed it through a different spell check and fixed a few things., though it seems Grammarly simply refuses to read it in this case.
8510305
You probably broke it.
Hollow
cap neither or both
And, of course in this cluster fuck of a mind rape, 'moist' had to be the penultimate word. I'd clap, but I'm preoccupied with holding an ice pack to my head with one hand, while the other supplies the precious, precious alcohol to numb my mind.
Well done.
You glorious bastard.
Did Twi fall in the Mirror Pool or is that a long unknown twin?
8510140
My guess is she and Discord were hanging out in the human world. It's the only explanation I can think of for Discord not showing up at any point and solving literally everything.
8509807 Of all the "this is how the MLP Movie should have ended in 5 minutes" ideas I've heard, Sunset with a Rolled Up Newspaper is the best one.
8509766
Twilight wrote smut fanfiction between a cake and Princess Celestia.
(Internally screaming in incompetent rage at life, the universe, and everything.)
(In a good way... somehow.)
Love this bit of Justice-madness.
The second chapter actually redeems the first, and actually makes for an enjoyable crack-fic. Well done
Sunset + an interminable supply of newspapers = shit getting done, and a very happy Lord-of-Rhodor. Kudos, fine sir!
"If you want a vision of the future, imagine a horse chewing on a slice of cake, forever"
—Princess Twilight Sparkle
That wasn't purple prose. That wasn't even ultraviolet. That went all the way to X-ray. Thank goodness Sunset has there to take them...
Wait, this isn't Ranger. Never mind. Thank you for the absurd bit of experimental fiction.
Was this intentionally sixhundred and sixty 6 words?
8987638
I got fairly lucky with the count there... I might have quietly encouraged that count, but I certainly got VERY close on my first draft.