It's no surprise that Ponyville's education lags behind the systems of Canterlot and other major cities. It's already hard enough for Cheerilee to handle the entirety of Ponyville's single-school education system, but when a certain mare comes into her life, everything may just fall into place.
Or Not
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Actually not half bad. Nice work, Evictus.
Though, I feel like you could've eased up a little with Cheerilee's temperament in the earlier bit.
8471681 Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! Sorry about Cheerilee's temperament
8471703 Uh to be honest somebody did help me with this story I'm sorry I didn't ask you
8471710 Thanks I'm glad you liked it
And now, we wait.
Then we will see who auto-downvotes, and who actually reads the story first.
Alright, very first rarilee ship story.
8472157 It seems like their down voting it without giving it a chance :/ oh well
8472185 I hope you enjoyed it!
8472214
Sure seems like it. Well, there's only one way to turn around their assumptions of your stories...
8472218 And what's that way exactly
8472220
Keep improving!
8472185
Actually there's this.
8472223 Oh okay!
8472243 I know! You can edit for me!
8472245 I'll have to think about that
8472246 I know it disappoints me :/
8472252 Thanks!
Welp. Still seems like people are downvoting without giving it a read. A bit of a shame too. It's pretty well written compared to your previous stories.
8472497 :)
8472499 Good
8472500 It is :(
8472501 :)
8472528 It is a shame as it's pretty well written
8472546
Yup.
8472561
Yup.
8472553 :/ I know
8472216
I didn't read it yet. But, I will tonight. Tonito.
8472216
I'm kind of surprised you didn't put a picture for the cover.
8472903 Good! I think you will like it
8472990 I was thinking about putting something for it but I just wanted to get the story done, maybe later on I'll put a cover on it
And now, upholding my end of the experiment, I've pushed out my own story for publishing; a sequel to my old PoE story.
8473134
I got a picture for you already.
http://pre14.deviantart.net/350e/th/pre/f/2013/052/6/d/cheerilee_by_hampshireukbrony-d5vpgin.png
8473543 Okay good! I'll be doing a story today
8473642 I'll think about putting it on. I appreciate you finding a cover for me :)
Despite my better judgement, I read this. I decided to give some wholly undeserved benefit of the doubt. And, for those who are curious of what this story is like without actually reading, I'm here to chop a few fables
This story isn't very good. It's not awful, and it's certainly better than 90% of what Evictus writes, but it is by no means good. It's pacing is off, it's characterization is flat at the best of times and wonky at the worst, and it has no real personality. It's boring. It has no real ending. And it's chopped all to hell.
I notice a few comments saying that people are downvoting without reading, and that's very possible. That said, can you really blame them? When you put out about 200 stories straight with no real tangible progress, why wouldn't people assume that the story you just wrote is equally terrible? So, I agree, there are a lot of people who are likely downvoting without reading. But don't make it seem like this is some hidden gem being unjustly persecuted. This is a meh-at-best story put out by a decidedly mediocre writer. It's getting about what it deserves.
I'm actually quite impressed. It's a huge improvement from your other stories.
Good work on it, Evictus.
...holy crap...this is...actually really good.
Like, decent. The writing is eloquently put in areas, the dialogue doesn't feel as forced as it did in the past, everyone's reactions have purpose; oh my Lord, I think you did it! This isn't just good, this is GREAT.
Unfortunately, this only proves that a majority of those who gave this story a thumbs down didn't even READ the story, which is a shame. Love and tolerance, everybody.
Granted, this isn't perfect. Some of the things did feel a bit forced, but this is probably your bet story to date!
Bravo! 8/10!
Hmmmm an acquaintance post something and telling that this story is very good with this fiction however, there is some upsides and downsides to it that makes people upset... Although I truly think this is a great improvement. Questions about it and make sure you ask your self example.
Parts that needs improvement.
1. Is it morning (I'm pretty sure it has to be)
2. The second part where Rarity looks at the window (how hot is it outside or is it windy?) Try asking your self these questions.
3.your missing lighting effects but, sometimes it's required such as (the lights are on in the room.)
4. your using too much of the (HR) it's always good to have at least none or at least one or three
Improvements on your success
1. Expressions and character developments. I like how Cheerilee very tried on entering the room.
2. you put some good details on the pony actions.
3. Characters used and the outcome of the story.
4.the romance... however, it needs a little more feeling to the characters which is a decent success.
I have to say I like this fiction so far... your ideas are there it's just the other details that you need to put effort in.
I read this story and OMG improvement $.$
8471703
8472546
I'll try to explain this as best I can.
When it comes to details... If you miss a detail and the reader reads it. The image is transparent or an animation failure on how the person does it. such as...
1. this person puts back a toy car... how did he put it back?
2. Going outside. morning, afternoon, evening? Snowy, rain, windy, chill....
Hopefully this is the best explanation at this point.
8475186
Yeah it's almost like the author is totally full of shit and publishes nonsense most of the time on purpose
This is just a change of tactics
8475275
Or perhaps it was a collaboration between EV and a secret, second author who had literally zero experience whatsoever in romance and shipping.
8475186 I'm sorry I'm very terrible I tried to make this story a bit better than my others though
8475191 Thanks! I'm glad you think so!
8475206 I understand I have to push myself in order to put more substance into it
8475217 What did you think?
8475239 Thanks! I appreciate it
8475272 I understand
8475500
Once people began to actually read it, that's pretty much when the upvotes began rollin' in.