Marble Finds Freedom
The day’s events passed slowly. Pa admonished Marble and Ma to keep an eye out around the property for any of the glowing flowers. Limestone and he both took bags filled with fire prevention gear in case anything happened at the quarry. Also in case they spotted anything from the quarry and they had to rush to help. The day was frantic for everyone but Marble.
Marble took it in stride, and recognized that this was just the way things had to be. She had come to the realization that beauty was created by destroying something else. In her carving, she stripped away the outer layers of the rock to expose the beauty she saw underneath. In painting it was the oils, dyes, and watercolours that were extracted from other things, be it plants, minerals, or animals. Every bit of beauty in Equestria, even herself, were destroying things to survive and be beautiful. Fire was no different.
The next day, there was a fire at a house again. Everypony, Marble included, arrived to see Jagged Bluff’s house go up in flames. Jagged Bluff was fine, but his sickly father succumbed to the smoke, and in his weakened state, died despite being pulled to safety.
This time, Marble had a front-row seat to the beauty of her flower as it grew to maturity. It towered beside the smaller shack, pulling flame and heat from it, the orb atop it glowing white-hot before the seed-pod finally burst, destroying the flower as it released hot winds to blow the seeds to parts unknown. The sight was better than Marble had imagined, and her breath was taken away by both its searing heat, and destructive beauty.
Several members of the community came prepared for the explosion, and the swiftest ponies were sent to catch the seeds wherever they might land. Marble didn’t expect many of the seeds to survive their flight, but she was happy all the same. It had grown, it had bloomed, and it had shown the world what it truly was, unapologetically. What ponies did with the results of that mattered little to it now.
Marble worked with ponies to help salvage whatever they could from the remains of the house. Much of it was beyond rescue, as the heat had melted tools, destroyed wood, and consumed crops. Jagged Bluff would be in as sorry a state as the others, and Pa would never consent to marriage while he was homeless and destitute. Marble was completely safe from marriage for now.
For now…
Marble hadn’t even considered what would happen after she got rid of all potential suitors. Pa certainly wouldn’t stop. He was intent on marrying her off. Until he was certain she was going to be ‘taken care of’, as he was so fond of saying, he wouldn’t stop searching for suitors. Maybe he’d even go so far as finding a suitor from a nearby city. Appleoosa wasn’t too far, and he could send letters. The pony of ceremonies in charge of the Pairing Stone would know of suitors from all over. Anypony who knew about the Pairing Stone and was still interested in this sort of archaic matchmaking would know about it, and she was eligible as they came!
Marble’s joy over her successes were all brought crashing down around her at this realization. She only had so much time until Pa went on a crusade to find her a new husband. Ma might even help, and Limestone too! They all wanted her to be ‘taken care of”, as though she couldn’t do it herself.
They returned home after Pa once again admonished everypony to keep an eye out for any of these flowers hidden anywhere. They ate dinner, talked about the fires and the cause, and slept.
The next morning was business as usual, but with Pa looking exceedingly tired. He had woken himself up again during the night to check for fires. Nothing had happened near the house, but there were reports of smaller fires starting elsewhere. All had been snuffed out quickly, but it was still running Pa and many others ragged.
To her surprise, Jagged Bluff came by to check up on them, and offered to run the rounds of their area in Pa’s place, giving him time to rest. He just needed the supplies, but he could handle it.
“I know you’re usually in charge, sir, but I lost everything in that fire, and if it will help keep other ponies from suffering the same fate, I’ll gladly dedicate my time to it,” Jagged Bluff said. “All I ask for is food, water, and shelter until we’re certain this is done with.”
“Very well. It won’t do for me to work myself until I pass out.” Pa motioned to Marble. “It’s the blue bag, Marble. If you could fetch it here for your fiancé, he can head out to work. If that’s alright with you, of course, Jagged. You could use a new family after losing yours.”
Jagged Bluff looked surprised, and looked downward, looking contrite. “Thank you, sir, but we’ll have to wait until this mess is dealt with. More pleasant things can wait. Once we’re safe, then I will gladly marry your daughter.”
Marble gaped at the exchange. Right in front of her, and Pa was still going to force her to marry! His audacity knew no bounds! Jagged had come expressing nothing more than a desire to help, and Pa saw a golden opportunity to promise her to this stallion!
Marble knew, right then, that she would never be truly free of this with Pa breathing down her neck. Her brand new “fiancé” was off to murder the beautiful flowers she loved so much, just like he would murder her beauty with his demands for foals, and food, and care, and so much else! No, she had to nip this problem at its source.
Jagged Bluff took off across the fields, looking to help anypony in need and protect everypony from fires. His valiant efforts and desires had earned him Marble’s hoof in marriage, but by the time everything was done, Marble would be free of him and his wants.
She stayed at home with Pa, helping Ma where she needed it, and running back and forth between home and the quarry as a messenger for Limestone and Pa so Pa could keep abreast of the business. When she finally found some time to herself, Marble disappeared into her workshop with her little tumbler. When she was safe inside, she opened it and peered at the contents.
Two little seeds were left. Three had been given new life near plenty of fuel, and all that was left were these last two. Marble knew what to do with one of them, at the very least. Pa needed to be dealt with so she could be free.
Marble needed freedom.
She got a hammer and ripped up one of the floorboards in her workshop. She scraped up a small amount of dirt, and planted it directly under the house. That way nopony would find it until it was far too late. She covered it up, replaced the board, though without nails, and hoped nopony would notice. She was usually the only one who came into her workshop, so she didn’t think it would happen. She was safe.
She stayed in her workshop a while, working at some carvings and essentially just killing time. She went to have dinner with her folks when they called, and Limestone talked about how work was going while Pa encouraged her to do better.
Jagged Bluff came by at the end of the day, and Pa invited him in. They talked about what fires had been found and how they had been dealt with, and Pa nodded and smiled more and more. He was pleased with how Jagged Bluff had managed the daily affairs and invited him to stay in the guest room for the night.
Ma nudged Marble toward him and Marble frowned. She didn’t want anything to do with this goody-goody stallion who thought he could just come in and take everything she had. He was getting smiles from Pa! He was getting conversation about something other than marriage and how art wasn’t enough! He was getting acceptance from Pa, whereas all she got was disappointed sighs! All that he was getting because he didn’t do art! She’d show them beauty! She’d show them art! She’d show them the results of all her efforts in making things beautiful!
Marble waited in her room until deep into the night. She waited until she heard either Pa or Jagged Bluff to make the latest round of the house, and gave him ten minutes to fall asleep again. She crawled out of bed and put on her slippers, then padded downstairs as quietly as she could. She passed by the guest room and slipped into her workshop, then pulled up the board to look for her seed.
She found it, lying there in the dirt, with just the barest hint of a sprout coming out of one end. It was so small, and weak, but capable of such beautiful destruction given half a chance. She was going to give it that chance.
Marble fetched a brush from her workbench and held out the bristles to the seed. They glowed for a moment, then lit on fire, and the seed pulled the flames into itself. It shivered and glowed, then the sprout grew.
She held it there until the bristles had all been burned off, and it was starting to catch the wood of the handle. She put it down next to the seed and went to get another one. She fed that brush to the flower as well, and set that down next to the flame. The flower was growing larger by the second, its roots had dug into the soil, and it had reached the bud stage and was almost to the point where it was going to bloom.
Marble heard hoofsteps.
“Hello? What’s that sound?” Jagged Bluff said. His hoofsteps approached the workshop.
Marble panicked. She couldn’t let him ruin her flower before she’d even had a chance to see what it was capable of! She grabbed a chisel from a nearby bench and hid behind the door. She waited until he opened it and stepped inside, then struck!
“What th-ghk!”
He only had a second of surprise before she jammed the chisel into his throat. He fell to his side, gurgling. Marble grabbed him and pulled him into the workshop and shut the door, then locked it. She laid him out next to the flower, close enough that when everything caught on fire, he would burn as well.
Marble was shivering, though from excitement, horror, or fear, she did not know. Her flower had bloomed into a beautiful small bloom, the orb seeming to look deep within her as it crackled.
She grabbed the tumbler from its place on a workbench and dumped the last seed into her hoof to cradle it close to herself. It sizzled and burned her, but she ignored the pain.
“You can be that beautiful one day, little one,” she said to it. “As long as you let nopony tell you what to do and order your life around for you, you can be that beautiful. Even more beautiful, even. You can grow to amazing heights and blazing glory, and when you finally let go, you can spread seeds that will ignite the hearts and minds of ponies around you, making them into your true children. Children who will burn just as brightly as you did.”
The flames had caught on the wooden floor, and Jagged Bluff’s corpse was beginning to smolder. The smell of burning hair was terrible, and Marble could feel intense heat on her fur. She stayed seated, waiting and watching as the flames grew. They burned to the door, and were starting to climb a nearby workbench. When they reached the top, and hit some of her chemicals, they blazed up. One of the bottles burst, dousing Marble in drops of liquid. The liquid caught fire as it flew, burning her skin.
Marble didn’t scream, nor did she panic. Screaming would wake the other ponies up, and she couldn’t have that. Panicking might cause her to drop her last seed, and she needed to protect it. Instead, she walked calmly to a window, opened it carefully, then crawled outside, seed in her blistered hoof.
Marble stepped away from her house, watching through the window as the flower grew in size. The burning spread quickly, feeding into the flower as it crackled through the ceiling and raced through the rest of the house. She heard screaming as Limestone noticed, and shouting as Pa called for Jagged’s help. Their voices were quickly overtaken by the crackling and burning, and Marble had no idea if they made it out.
She didn’t care.
Marble’s mane burned off, and small flames continued licking at her fur, but they eventually stopped. Her head stung, and patches where she had been burned hurt intensely, not to mention her severely burned hoof. Marble made not a sound, though, and walked away from her burning house.
She limped out to her little tunnel, where she had first discovered something truly beautiful, and sat down. Her lungs ached, and she hurt all over, but there was one last thing she needed to do, now that she was free.
Marble needed to be beautiful.
Her carvings would never be enough again. She could never hope to truly capture the beauty of these flames, and could only make weak copies. She’d shared their beauty with other ponies, and despite their reactions, she was happy to have shown them how truly destructive beauty could be.
Marble looked down at the seed in her hoof. Her hoof’s flesh was peeling, and the keratin was cracked and black. It hurt to move it, but Marble lifted it up to her face to look closer. It roiled and glowed, radiating heat, and she sighed in contentment.
Marble lifted it to her lips, opened her mouth, and swallowed it.
It burned as it crossed her tongue, and she choked and gagged as she tried to swallow it. It hurt–Celestia did it hurt!–but she swallowed it. It burned her throat, and as it entered her stomach, she could feel its negative reaction with the contents of her gut. She curled over, clutching her stomach. It hurt so much! She squeaked in pain as heat radiated from her midsection. She felt it climb up her throat and fill her skull, heat burned behind her eyes and every breath she took felt like fire! Light filled her vision, spilled out of her open mouth, and for the first time, Marble felt truly free and beautiful.
The End.
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Wtf did I just read
8381007
Marble Pie becoming an arsonist.
I'm gonna power read this tonight.
Looks good!
Wow. WOW. I might quibble over her descent being quite as fast as it was, and the end is definitely dark and horrifying, but this was effective and moving. It certainly evokes a sense of horror, especially towards the end. I suppose the one quibble that lingers with me is that Marble wanted to continue creating beauty through her art, and the way she ends things precludes that. Although I will concede that there's more than a bit of setup for that.
Overall though, excellent job with this!
8384080
It was a bit fast, yes. I tried to create pressure that would help push her down her path a little bit faster than you'd expect. Sort of a "Now or you'll be sorry!" kind of feeling. The speed with which Pa urged her to get married was there for that purpose, and to make you feel like she had been hearing it for a long time before this.
As for the ending, she has no home and no family anymore, but... I didn't say she died, now did I?
8384862
I suppose you didn't 100% confirm that she died. I feel like it's pretty hard to read the ending any other way, though. Certainly what she's doing reads as openness to suicide, even if it's not totally confirmed that that's how it ends up.
Nevertheless, I found this quite compelling overall, and a review I've written of it reflects that.
8385101
Oh, sure. That's the point of the ending. Interpret it how you like, because it's much more entertaining that way. I'm glad you liked it.
8390623
Absolutely, and we should do that. Not just one of these days... like someday soon.
This was very compelling. I think it probably deserves a tragedy tag in addition to the others. The whole destroying what would have been your best chance at happiness because you've become obsessed with not letting others make those choices for you because they could possibly destroy your chances at happiness... It's reminicient of the Oedipus self fulfilling prophesy that you cause to happen by trying to avoid it, and when it happens, you rip out your own fortune telling eyes.
I think the pacing is superb to start, and superb once things get rolling. The buildup invested me in her character and her dilemma. I wanted to see her succeed. The downward spiral at the end is suitably death-spirally.
The only trouble I had was with the roller coaster transition. Slow buildup, followed by sudden drop can be good, especially if done a few times. Only problem is that there was only one drop, and it was a big one. I think her descent into madness might have benefitted from having a few plateau points. Like if she had been trying to only cause property damage with the first suitor, then being surprised to find that she was more relieved than distraught at finding out they had perished. Then, having reluctantly committed to attempted murder/murder for the second one, she finds them still alive and finds herself wishing they had died. By the third one, I think you were spot on for her having lost it, having killed so many already, and blinded/corrupted by her own actions. Note, that's just my opinion for a pacing fix, and it didn't spoil my enjoyment of the story, like I said, the pacing to start and spiral out of control were phenomenal.
You had me so invested in Marble's character that I actually wanted to yell at her to stop, that she had already done the unspeakable, that she had won. That's good writing. I don't get invested in characters easily, but Marble was easily understandable and relatable in motivation and conviction.
8390695
Aye, I would agree. There was no reflection on what she was doing, and that is a flaw in the story. I spoke with CoffeeMinion about it and he gave me some places where it could have been improved, so I will remember it for next time. I'm glad you liked it, and thank you for the critique.
Good read! Not quite scary enough to land on my horror shelf, but definitely good enough for a fave. My only problem is the pacing issues others in the comments have already pointed out. Otherwise this is a very compelling read!
Damn, son.
The pacing was a little frantic nearing the end, to be quite honest, and I'm not really certain if the horror tag really fits this. Though I suppose the latter could just be due to my traditional view on the subject matter.
Other than those two things though, this is a wonderful story. I really enjoyed it.
Despite the pacing, you captured the descent into insanity, and her enrapturement with fire, quite well. It all felt very real, and to be quite honest, I became very invested in the character as the story went along. I was really rooting for her to win, to the point where I found myself silently cheering her on from behind the screen, and even sharing in some of her emotions. That's the classic mark of excellent storytelling.
I realize this is more of a personal preference, but I'd rather she went on to keep spreading her beauty and my muderboner
Again though, that's just me being invested in the character. I look forward to reading more of your works when I find the time.
That story was absolutely amazing.
I get the feeling Jagged really would have been good for her. But at that point she was too far gone. Though I can sympathize, at the same time I feel pretty bad for the poor guy...
You can has review!
Paul's review brought me here. Great work overall, my only real nitpicks are that, as he mentioned, the genre tags don't really line up with the content. And also, it's a bit predictable. Once Marble found the flower, I was sure she'd end up destroying everything around her with it. I even somehow guessed that she'd swallow a seed in the end.
This is what happens when you push bullshit "girls exist to be married off to men" shit in a world with magic. It's not okay to do anywhere but with magic the victim can bite back at you.