Epileptic-autistic eldest of four, artist, creative, and horse crazy girl who is obsessed with entertainment media and history among other things.
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When Shining invites Twilight to the Canterlot Comic Con, she happily agrees. After all, they haven't done anything together really since they were children and they can both agree this will be some nice quality sibling time for the both of them.
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One BIG thing... Show, don't tell.
Don't tell us "She talked with her brother and Cadence", show us the conversation. This is more of an outline of a story than an actual story.
8345665 👍
As Valhuir said: dialog dialog dialog! Get into the world, tell us what is going on and what is being said.
Also, I highly doubt Twilight would go to a comics convention and not take Spike. Spike is as big a comic fan as Shining is, and even if he didn't ask to come Twilight would probably invite him anyway. If you don't want him along, you should at least spend some words explaining why he isn't going.
8345676
Spike's there. It says his name in here. He just went with Rainbow instead of Twi.
8345764 Ah, so I see. Sorry, I could only get through the first chapter. Even then, Spike generally accompanies Twilight everywhere, and to think of her going to a comic convention and not even talk to him about it is very out of character.
8345772
I'm just trying to write an enjoyable brother sister story. At least some pony still took him to the con even tho it was Rainbow instead of Twi.
8345665
I've started spreading into the 1000 word area, more conversations definitely help the story flow. Thanks for the tip.