Carrie is teleported to a world very unlike her own, filled with actual unicorns, pegasi, and magic. A whole new world lies before her. So, what does Carrie do?
She takes a swing, that's what.
Chapters (1)
RhetCon
Joined 14th Mar, 2015 ·
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Who couldn`t get that reference? This is actually pretty funny, good job!
Ha ha
8013353 Which reference? Shark Tale?
8013377 he he
Heh, silly and amusing story. Loved Starlight's portrayal and the Persecutor is a delight. Judge was well a judge
of Kangaroo court, Twilight was Twilight and easy to sympathies with Victim. Although I had no idea Carrie can be guys name. Simple to the point story, silly humor that I liked and characters work well.As for story structure and grammar well I am no expert but here are few things that caught my eyes.
Bit confused about the "you do you" part. Does that mean he... oh my you are a naughty one.
Think the Twilight's quote and Starlights action should be different paragraphs since this way it is a bit confusing.
There probably are other things to work on such as more detailed prose but I definitely am not someone to criticize that. Also maybe I am imagining but I feel the words said and asked were used quite a bit often, yes that is to be expected but there are ways to kill them, I mean avoid them. And a lot of sentences start with "I *verb*..." which could be avoided with more use of passive voice instead of active voice. Stretch the boundaries of English language!
Also damn you for making me chose between hitting like and playing with flamethrower. You are a cruel cruel person. I do hope this comment is helpful to you.
8013902 Thanks for the comment, although...
She most definitely has a vagina. I'm pretty sure I said she most of the time.
The phrase, "You do you" basically means "do what makes you happy".
Nice adventure time referance at the end.
8014151 Someone realized my meticulously placed easter egg!? This is... UNACCEPTABLEEEEEEEE!
8013882 "One million years dungeon" Did you not think that was a reference to something? If you didn`t know daz okay
8014545 I actually forgot about that one until dj-pon3fan told me about it.
8013994
This was the quote that made me think Carrie was a guy.
...
Now I don't know whether that really was unaltered footage or not.
8014821 Whoopsiedoodle. I'll fix that right up. Thanks.
8014936 Ahahahah.
Hahahaha.
Haha...
Ha?
8014994 Similarly to the amount of licks it would take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop, the world may never know.
She dropkicked Starlight?
...I'm okay with this.
Oh, and funny fic too.
8015589 ...
You're funny.
P.S: submitting your story to more groups will help it to get noticed.
Hey, hey Twilight... I gotta hand it to you, you can really take a punch.
8016403 *High Five*
8016405 *High-fives back*
Ya know ya gotta keep an eye on that hand of yours cause you wouldn't wanna go waving that near our all-knowing, omnibenevolent goddess that is the Princess of Friendship, Her Highness, Princess Twilight, you might end up flipping her.
I'd pay three bits to see you do that. Just don't tell the Princesses I told you, see? Otherwise, someone might lose an eye, see?
Also, you can't really legally prosecute alien lifeforms anyway.
Twilight took a ride on Knuckle Airlines, bitch class!
" there was a fly I swear to God!"