Nightmare Moon survives the Elements' power and takes Twilight as her prisoner. Now, the alicorn queen must establish her monarchy and defend her rightful place as queen against those that oppose her.
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Sorry can't find more words for awesomeness.
I CAN FEEL IT IN THE AIR! ATFN HAS UPDATED! -proceeds to read in the midle of a League of Legends game-
upppppdattttteeeee! gonna read it later tonight when my parents arent awake and thus arent around to fuck up my life for the moment!
YEAAAAAAAAAH!
Best pony, right there.
Sweet. That was as good a chapter as I have come to expect. I did kind of wonder about Twilight's horngasm, as it just made it seem like she got off on being beaten, but we know that isn't true. I look forward to the explanation next chapter and more action , cream, and suspense. Keep up the great work. ALL HAIL NIGHTMARE MOON!!!
That was awesome It would seem Nightmare's punishments followed by other activities and Twilight's developing feelings toward her had certain psychological side affects, that or Twilight had such inclination all along...or something else is going on...
What's with the chapter name?
Defeated by horngasm...
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(Pun intended)
Lol what a way to lose a fight. Tyra really is an airhead, and i love the Jahurl is portrayed. Cant' wait for the next chapter. As for a way to "Convince" peppy to write I've always been a fan of tossing cacti at people.
> Hah.... I was beaten, by an orgasm...."
Best. Line. Ever.
Ok, I'll assume Twilight's magic came (hehehe... came) back in the middle of the fight and it proved to be pleasurable. A DRIPPIN THAT SAUCE.
Torture methods, you say? Hot coals are kindergarten. Use plastic splinters. They won't kill you (if it's non toxic) and the body can't dissolve it like it will a wooden splinter. The plastic also has microshrapnel that causes extreme irritation while having the added effect of making them hard/impossible to fully rewove. I've had one before, and I'd never wish it upon anyone else.* The question is... Where do you stick them? Location, location, location...
* Distracted Peppy aside.
528568 528683 FOKIN FINALLY! Was wondering when somepony would notice That is the title I used when I was testing out the import from google docs thing. Figured it'd be entertaining to leave it as such.
528598 Just figured I'd leave this here... Cactus Attack!
528759 scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3700-Fluttershy_Window.gif
528782 Oh, she would've won either way considering her magic came back, but I thought it'd be sooooooooo much better with hornjizz.
update!!!!!! (starts to do the yes dance)
great update seems quite a while, so keep it coming
as for for a way to keep peppy writing, lock up the cupcakes, or start giving him stock treatment every time he slacks
Peppy you magnificent bastard. I READ YOUR BOOK... I mean story.
Great work Peppy, really enjoyed this chapter. Good to see Nightmare recruiting two city states to her cause. Now if only Nightmare could convince the Zebra or the Changeling to aid her.
good one. as always.
most excellent... and if you need a way of keeping focus.... SHOCKY MONKEY!! give a monkey a cattle prod, and have him watch over Peppy... if Peppy starts slacking... SHOCK
The fans demand moar chapters
huzzah! another great chapter peppy! now a magical orgasm... wow... that's just... really... I dunno...
Seen ATFN updates,
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up..date yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes damn twi just went apeshit on Jahurls sister damn i also got a laugh from what twi was doing and i'm also suprised that she didnt notice that twi wasnt exited no it was all on the dagger. lol or was she getting off on it
cheers you sir are genius now to wate on ND then this one again. also next one nmm and twi get back. and no its not much of a spoiler knowing that its been said already by the characters nontheless. and damn flutters must have a nice flank to get hit on soo much.
dude there is something so wrong with you. I mean you made somebody defeat somebody else from an orgasm... Dafuq?
I mean it was the highlight of the chapter but...
WOOOOOO!
Finaly a new chapter! I must say, I've been excited since they ran into the minotaurs. I've always had a soft spot for the moocows
I realy hope Tyra gets to be a more permanent character after the war. I think she's realy cute.
Hmm.. That brings up an idea. What would happen if, once they get back to Equestia, if she finds out that somepony has a crush on her
Lock Peppy in an iron box with a laptop and only give him food when he finishes a chapter. For added effect, place the box over a gas fireplace.
Man, Twilight sure has shown her commitment to Nightmare Moon hasn't she? Epic update, I love this story so much.
Okay, the way I imagine Jarhul now is as a really dangerous guy. One of those who appears as an old pervert, though a harmless one, and probably is such, but also has hidden goals that he can hide with his friendly and relaxed attitude.
I finally understood that they have some kind of viking culture... I thought all the time that you'd completely created your own race. I really like how you described the minotaurs, a lot of love for details.
Also, Twilight probably is no total masochist, unless I'm lucky, but it would get interesting for the clop part of your story if she were :)
Finally, I wonder if Nurse Tenderheart is the next pony to try and kill Queen Moon. I see something sly in her character... maybe I'm right, maybe not.
It's always so funny to guess how your characters develop. You're awesome :)
Spontaneous magic-gasm. You know, I expected the return of her magic to have some sort of stimulating effect. Sudden feeling of warmth and tingles washing over the body, that sort of thing. Just goes to show how powerful Twilight truly is if it provided that much stimulation.
Honestly magic horngasm??? Wanted a little more of a conscious Twilight bad ass actionā¦ And Borea sure knew a lot about how unicorns seems to get off, especially since there are supposedly a secluded people. Other than wanting more bad ass Twilight stuff and that Nightmare Moon seemed to bow down a little too easily in front of Borea I loved this chapter. Rainbow seems to be getting in gear, and Fluttershy... Well she's cute is always so no issues there. Keep up the good work Peppy!
No really... Keep them coming, I can already feel another ATFN withdrawal fit coming onā¦ Huuunnnnnnnnnggg!!!!
Great chapter as always you really gone far with this fic, but I am wondering, are going to attempt to include shining armor an princess cadance in this fic?
Horngasm... In battle...
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Serial, though, can't wait for the next chapter, wooooo!
Okayā¦ I read the battle scene againā¦ Why is a Nightmare taunting Borea about the fact that she just got beaten by a pony who entered the battle already injured and with poison streaming through her body??? It's got to be worth rubbing that salt in her wounds. Or will she be told later? Can't wait to see the look on her face!
529536
And the difference between between this and how the changelings where defeated in the season finale (other than the love birds were 'doing it') is?
531110
hmm i concede this point to you...
:::WARNING INCOMING WALL-O-TEXT WARNING:::
Okay, now that I've read through the story, I feel I can give a better review. First of all, the problems (few that there are). My biggest problem has to be Twilight's characterization, especially in the first ten or so chapters. Nightmare Moon must have her mojo set to "Patty Hearst", because this is the worst case of Stokholm Syndrome I've ever seen. Seriously. Here we have one of the two nicest ponies in all of Equestria, and she not only saves the life of Nightmare, but actively defends her from attacks. And this was AFTER she kidnapped and sealed away her long-time mentor/surrogate mother, being kidnapped, raped, and tortured by her as well, seeing her literally tear apart innocent ponies who are only trying to defend their Princess' kingdom from a usurper, and that's just in the first few days. I know you explained both in the story and in posts that Twilight was trying to keep everyone alive, but not even she would try to keep Nightmare alive at the cost of other ponies' lives. I just find this point hard to wrap my brain around.
Secondly is Moon Beam. As much as she's grown on me, as much as I love the little tyke, I can't help but think "Mary Sue" every time she shows up. Everyone loves her (at least in her filly form), she's incredibly powerful, nigh indestructible, and has managed to worm her way into everyone's heart (including the readers, or at least, mine). Now, I'll grant you, your use of her has been fairly sparing, which goes a long way to mitigating her Mary Sue-ness. Introducing powerful new characters to an established canon is always a delicate balancing act. When she first appeared, my first thought was "Oh, here we go. Here comes the Author Avatar," but as the chapters have gone on, and I stuck with the story, I can see that she's less important to the story than I had initially feared, so I applaud you for that. Stay the course, and try to keep her cute-o-matic puppy-dog pout to a minimum. That thing is diabetically lethal (pun intended).
Now that the bad is out of the way, on to the good. Stokholm syndrome aside, the burgeoning romance between Twilight and Nightmare is very well written. Their devotion to each other is adorable, and every time they find something to love about the other deepens that feeling. The cloppy parts are getting better. If you still want some euphemisms, but don't want to read adult stories on the internet, try these: box, cloven tuft, crease, happy valley, quim, or (one of my favorites) velvet glove. There are literally hundreds out there, some of which aren't even offensive. You just gotta go look for them. Just calling it a "love" all the time is a bit boring, and kinda distracting. I keep thinking you're talking about the emotion, rather than a body part, which takes me out of the story, and destroys the immersion your otherwise excellent writing has created.
Your spelling and grammar are pretty good, only missing the occasional misspelled word, or grammar mistake. I'd give it a B+. Descriptions are very good, without going into too much depth. The only bad part of that so far was Gilda's tour of the airship. It may have just been me, but it went on for a bit too long, and by the end, I was ready to skip ahead to the next part. Characterization is pretty good (except for the parts I mentioned earlier), but Fluttershy seemed a bit off to me. It may have been a few too many "umm"s and "err"s, I'm not quite sure what it was.
Anywho, I'm glad I stuck with this story through the rough beginning, and look forward to more updates. Just don't forget to tell us what Nightmare did to Celestia. It's kinda important, especially to Nightmare's continued relationship with Twilight.
Defeat by orgasm
531762 I want to thank you for not completely 'Mary Sue'ing Moon Beam, but I just want to point out that I can't find the Celestia-damned link to an anti-Mary Sue thingy i read recently. Nonetheless, it says that unless a character is the absolute perfect balance of like/dislike and power/weakness, so on and so forth, then they are a Mary Sue (this description would also technically make said character a Mary Sue). Long story short, any fanon character is a Mary Sue or none of em are. Other than that, I appreciate the feedback! It's always nice to hear what you guys have to say.
528833 Poor Clonetrooperkev
531110 This chapter was far more hilarious.
Peppy: More
Minotaurs: have great strength and size, strong weapons and armor, and 1 can take out mulitple griffions.
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Twilight Sparkle: took on a minotaur ruler(supposedly picked for their strength) while also still suffering from the wyvern poison and beat her......with a magical orgasm.
I can see the front page of the "Valtauran Daily" now
Lady Borea defeated by Magic Horngasm:
Facepalm level exceeds 9000!
My, but that was unexpected brilliance.
But please stop putting my poor heart through this much agony while waiting for the next updates!
okay, so reading this had to be postponed to today. i just finished though.
awesome chapter! can we assume that twilight's magic is back in action?
i have to say; i feel like the talk with the minutaur ruler (forgot her name...b something...it wasent bitch, but lets go with that anyways) bitch was...well paced, but it feels like you just cut out a load of also very well paced and very well written story line. im talking about the time between the minutaur bitch's first response (denying them help) and NMM acceptance, i feel like there should have been a bit more of NMM trying to change her mind and the minutaur continuing to deny them help before NMM accepted that they didnt want to help and twilight exploded. right now it just feels like twi just went from calm and quiet to seething mad in a second
I read this, and it was awesome.
Also, either Twilight is a massive masochist, or she had a very dirty mind during that fight. (or both. hmmm.)
Either way, all I could think of for her after this was:
"Oh, does she hold the power, is she a blessing from the skies?
Is this the answer to where the secret lies.
And in her eyes I see a light is shining through.
I feel that there is hope for a world so brave and new."
The Taurans are marching to war, and a whole new hell is waiting for the griffons...
535721 Nightmare was already peeved with the minotaur subjects. She would have slaughtered the ruler had she tried to argue, so she took it and went to leave. I'll have to edit something in there to show her feelings about it. Like twi noticing how tense she is or something. Maybe later though. Just fixed my computer and it needs to get some gaming done with my new GPU
... It was... boring.
Deffinently had a different feel than the previous chapters. But I guess that's what you get with necessary progression (filler) chapters.
Loved it as usual, the only thing that confused me was Rainbows age, by horse age, isn't that comparable to thirty years old? Whilst in human age, that's incredibly young compared to canon?
Either way, my head replaced the number and I loved the rest of the chapter! It seems to be building up to something huge now!
Oi! That's my bit!
Wall-O-Text
Well some rather nice developments going on here. I found the sections with Rainbow Dash and later Fluttershy slowly entering into thier new roles were well done. The discriptions of Cloudsdale being in ruin and the contrast of the Training center seem to set the tone of that section rather well. I also enjoyed the bits of fun you had with Rainbow Dash's smart mouth getting her in trouble and the bit with the nurse durring her physical was a nice spot of comic relief.
As for Fluttershy settling in at the hospital that was not quite what i was expecting. I don't know why but for some reason the stalions that hit on Fluttershy and Tenderheart made me think of Hawkeye and Trapper from MASH at thier worst. Still It did have it's purpus as it seemed to show that the big city in geniral and her tour as a combat medic in geniral won't be easy on Fluttershy at all. Also is it me or is Tenderheart making a move?
Tyra, what are we going to do with you? Being dedicated to a task is one thing but at this point I'm starting to think you like walking in on the two of them.
That said the Twilight Nightmare inneractions were well written as always and I like the way that this second city state is set up. An isolated stronghold that is untrusting of just about everyone and seems not to suffer fools gladly given the way Lord jahurl's playfullness is brushed aside and how straightforward his sister was that she wouldn't do anything if she couldn't come away from it without having something to benifit her people.
Much as I don't like to admit it I agree that negotiations broke down way too fast here. Twilight's outburst is odd in that it's out of character for her to act in such a way given how much she respects athourity yet considdering that the lives of her nation and it's people were being so casualy tossed aside i can see her stewwing in her thoughts for a while before finaly blowing her top. I wonder if she'll be read the riot act by Nightmare later? Not only did she disrupt a diplomatic meeting she damn near got herself killed in the process and given how much Nightmare cares for her and how little tolerence for disobediance she has I can only wonder how that talk will play out.
As for Twilight's ahem "Finishing Move" I'll admit it's odd but it was also awsome and had a nice tang of humilation to it. I look forword to the explanation of it. Before I read what it was i thought it was a nod to Twilight's Human Torch impression in Feeling Pinkie Keen.
Well they are on thier way back to Equestria, I can't wait to see how that turns out the trip should be intresting and Moon beam's reaction to the return of Twilight and Nightmare seems to be most promising. Speaking of her I bet her friendship with Cherry Tart is still rocky at the moment.
Wall-O-Text
I have a torture method first you string him up by his toes then you you wrap him up like a piƱata and take him to a kids party and tell the kids there candy inside and then they beat the living crap out of him till he agrees to write
Rainbow Dash, age thirteen. Wait, what?
I refuse to acknowledge that RD is only 13 years old!
This would indicate that other mane 6 characters are around this age too.
Just. No. Bucking. Way.
844531 ponies age differently then humans
Okay everything around what caused the duel seemed forced, but otherwhise up to par.
The second and third lines here appear to be indented
There should be some sort of break between these paragraphs
what just happened to twilight? If Borea had somehow offended NMM then I could maybe see Twilight making an out burst, but as far as dialog leading to the encounter I really can't find what caused Twilight to react the way she did. Other than that this has been an interesting tale to read. Thank you for the story.