Nightmare Moon survives the Elements' power and takes Twilight as her prisoner. Now, the alicorn queen must establish her monarchy and defend her rightful place as queen against those that oppose her.
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OH GOODIE!
TO READ!!
1556498 Celestia's nipples, you must have been smashing that refresh button
1556513 Ehehehehehe.
1556512 Oya, I've been meaning to read the next chapter (and apparently I forgot to read the chapter before that ), but getting this out has been my top priority since before you updated. I'll get on that after work.
Bout damned time! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png
This shall be for my reading pleasure tonight. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!!!yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes... yesyes... yes...
Hehe... I did the twilight yes dance didn't I...
Well. That was an excellent read. Glad to see this update.
Nice job with this, I really like a well thought out AU story like this. Keep up the good work sir!
well at lest we'll finally get to see why Nightmare hates Celestia so much...as well as the accompanying years of therapy she might need ater reliving what's likely the most traumatic, and scarring experience of her life!
[
yay therapy?Update? FUCK YEA!
1556908
Agreed!
oh my god a update
great chapter as always peppy can not wait next chapter
really i can not wait i want it NOW!!
Applejacks being a bitch Rarities a fool, Fluttershy's going to start raging soon with griffon back up, Rainbowdash is probably becoming more lethal than Gilda and Twilight's going to join nmm in the mental ward for a few years. O and pinkamina dian pie is probably going to start her killing spree in a few chaps. Griffons better watch out because pinkamina's coming to town.
anyway awesome chap Peppie it's about as amasing as i expected it to be. I also loved the scene with nmm counting gilda's death count. reminds me of tfs abridged and krilin owned. especially the scene with Popo. I'm surprised she wasn't laughing at the griffons pitiful combat kill streak.
cheers
This chapter is supposedly 8000 words, but it looks like it is about half that on the scrolling bar. Do you know why this discrepancy exists?
Oh Joy! A new chapter! I'm so happy!
I really feel bad for Fluttershy. She has to take care of those dying patients. I'm kind of glad that at least she found a new friend. but I really wanted to see Flutter's reactions when she told of Tenderheart of Luna and Twilight *ahem* Kinky adventures. That could be comedy gold. Gossip of Twi being Nightmare's proud sex slave.
I feel also horrible for Rarity. She tried to convince Applejack that Luna's changing and Twilight is in need of moral support.(she truly does care for her) I don't hate AJ but I wish she'd be more open minded of the situation. Also I hope Granny Smith gets better(Maybe Nightmare could befriend her or something).
I was kinda shocked that Twilight invited Moonbeam to Nightmare's private room. Because If I recall every time Nightmare and Twilight go to their private room they "boink". was Twilight planing to show Moonie their sexual activities?
Then again it made my heart melt when I saw Moonie again. she's so Innocent. And it made me daw even more when Twilight sang a lullaby to her. She must really love becoming a mom now. And what's better is that Nightmare smiled in a kind motherly way. I always believed that she could become a kind and gentle ruler like Celestia.
It's a shame that the chapter was short because I wanted to see why Luna has an enormous grudge against Celestia. Heck I wanted to see what Luna did before her Banishment(Was she in the middle of an orgy with her Lunar subjects or something?)
Also Twilight is becoming a bit obsessive of Luna. She's willing to sacrifice her love,admiration and respect of Celestia to make Luna happy. I don't want Twi to make a horrible mistake. Then again that is the power of great drama.
Now I can't wait for the mystery chapter. Will it have glorious Nightmare/Twilight futa sex? Will the rest of the Mane 6 become Twilight's personal harem sex slaves? Please surprise me. Because I'm loving this story more and more these days.
Now all I want in the next chapter is a boat...
Oh dear... I wonder if Applejack would quickly change her mind if she was aware that Twilight is suffering from an incurable mental disorder, and that it was the cause for her actions?
Stockholm Syndrome. Or would it be Stockpony Syndrome?
Let's see... I heard my favorite song on the radio this afternoon... when I visited my mother's place, the family was watching something I liked instead of something stupid or boring... and then I come home to find that two of my favorite stories, including ATFN, had finally updated. Any one of those things would have made my day, but to have all three happen within the same three-hour period? That's insane. Did I do something to deserve this as a reward or something?
By the way, the correct ways to write their names are "Applejack" and "Apple Bloom". AJ is supposed to be one word while AB should be two. In here, you have it the other way around. That's a rookie mistake.
1557125 Width of the page, tis all. It is 8k+ words, though
1557074 It's where I got the idea. I love T4S. So goddamn funny.
1556650 Can do
1557585 She invited her to the obelisk to watch them train. It would have been Nightmare asking Moonie to come if it were to watch them boink I think the whole thing that Twilight says in her mind about risking her devotion to Celestia was misinterpreted, though. She's saying that she's willing to see what happened back then, even if it might mean seeing her mentor in a new light.
1558151 Not quite sure I understand that
1558318 Well, with Apple Jack, it's all about how things have gone downhill since then and how Twi chose her captor over them after murdering somepony.
1558532 The Apple Bloom thing was a legit mistake, didn't notice it as I was typing it out, but the Apple Jack was deliberate. No mistake there. If you would be so kind as to check through the previous 24 pages of comments (), I know I've said so at least 2-3 times before. I'll go back and fix the Apple Blooms though.
1557125
Less comments and more condensed paragraphs means a smaller scoll bar.
1558583 That too.
1558582 check your A.N. man.
1558698 Nope, still not getting it. Abbreviations are my bane.
1558732
...zoom and enhance!
Closer!
1558582 darn straight their hilarious. and as i said i love the popo scenes what part of the tfs abridged series made you lul the most. i also loved the entire few episodes with vegita and napa on earth fighting goku and the gang. its funny hearing vegita rage about goku's childlike stupidity.
O and I cant wait to hear about gilda doing a krilin with quotes like, "Rule no.1 of Nightmares training. Don't talk about Nightmare's training." "Rule number 2 of nightmares training. dodge!... OHBUCKRUN!" and so dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png on.
I thought skyrimlegion would have commented by now?
cheers
1558776 OH! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ok. Now I'm not lost at all.
1558781 The Vegeta and Nappa Parts are my faves.
What's the scouter say about his power level, Vegata?
It's... Only One-thousand and six....
That's it? This is going to be easy.
Wait, Nappa don't! I had the scouter upside down!
Oh look, an update for ATFN ....... WAIT A MINUTE!!! ATFN UPDATED!!! . Can't wait for more
1558582
That's what Stockholm Syndrome is. It means that the victim becomes pretty much sympathetic to their captor. Twilight's case in this instance is so severe she's willingly sleeping with her abductor. It didn't help matters that torture was involved which helped drive the attachment, thus making it a form of Brainwashing. It doesn't appear the others are aware of such a phenomenon or that such a thing can occur.
1559074 Oh, I know exactly what it is, but I'm just saying that she doesn't care if its a mental issue or not. She's focused on the fact that she refused the help in favor of the traitor.
Oh ok. I really want to see that in action. Since Nightmare alright having sex in front of Moonie I'm really interested to see her reaction.
Oh now I understand. So it means that Twilight is ready to see the skeletons under Celestia's closet. Now I get it. Silly me.
Oh so she was evil? Wow. I'm kinda sad, disappointed and a bit frustrated(I'm not gonna attack you or anything. I'm just disapointed). For months I believed that maybe she was a lost soul,she was misunderstood, she was in conflict and or she was an insane stalker. Everyday when I went to sleep I dreamed and analyzed everything she did in your story because for me the whole thing of her hating Twilight was a bit off.(The whole thing of her being a spy I could accept) I thought that maybe there was more than meets the eye. I thought her hatred and rivalry was beyond personal.
Also something I never understood is her talent. The whole thing of a cutie mark being a swirl of water dotted with flowers representing espionage really doesn't add.(If it was a blue print or spy watch then I could accept). Maybe she lied to Twilight about the whole thing for her spy talent just to spite her.
Also there are some thing that had me scratching my head. In chapter 11-12 Why didn't Brook decided to silently kill Twilight after she told of Nightmare's weakness? Did she felt bad that Twilight was chained up or something? Why did she stayed besides Twilight and comfort when she could have made a BS excuse and get out of there? Did Twi really met brook before in her fillyhood? brook said that she had always stalked her from afar but Twi recalls that she had at least seen her before? What was the Nightmare Brook had?
Then again maybe I'm thinking of it way too much.I still like Brook....even If she's a crazy killer.
These updates make my week much more bearable.
1559180 Evil in the sense that she horribly betrayed Twilight's trust. Evil if you were to look on from the outside. The whole thing with her cutie mark is misleading too. You can't be a proper spy if you're going around announcing it to everypony you see with an obvious cutie mark. It represented her ability to continue with the flow and blend in. You don't give any second guesses to flowers/leaves in a stream, do you? And they had met before, but not how Brook described it. Twilight had seen her in the castle before as a serving girl and the whole meeting thing (with the reading and all) was a complete lie. As far as the ditching her, what else was she going to do? She still had to wait for the fight to end before she could do anything.
Why Can i only hit the like bottom one time this story is just getting better and better
Prattleing praise then sleepy time.
Wall-O-Tex!
there was a lot of good character stuff here. We get some looks at gilda and her resistance to Nightmare's training and the reason behind it. while eariler she seemed to like the idea of being able to use magic now she seems resistant to it. for whatever reason she's intending to stick soly to her own abilities to get things done. Now that of course may be a lie driven by her pride to try and save face, however pride seems to be a real sticking point with ilda. She left her people because in part of her wounded pride by being made to be a preistess, she takes pride in being Nightmare's inner circle and all. If I'm actualy close to being right here it's her pride in her own abilities that's blocking her from being able to make progress with Lunar magic. Her pride is even causing her to be ever more mouth to not just her boss but boss with a notorisly short temper, a ton of magical ability, a seering hate for gryphons because of what they've done to Twilight and to a lesser extent Moon Beam. With a history of rather messily slaughtering said gryphons as well. I've heard of pride being a downfall but this... this is facing fricking Kefka in the nude at level 15 stupid.
Applejack is well being Applejack. She's got issues with pride of her own and a stubborn streak that can rival Rainbow Dash's own at times. She's letting her personal veiws and emotions cloud her judgement far more then is acceptible. Yes Twilight killed someone Someone who not only intended to kill her but also a child and Nightmare Moon. Granted the audeince for this fic is more sympathetic to Nightmaremare then one might expect but we do realise and acknowledge that Nightmare's got her own problems and is letting her own preceptions and biases influnence her as well. Also Yes Twilight turned down their rescue but Applejack seems to forget that it was only BECAUSE of Twilight that she and the rest weren't mopped up off the palace floor by a serving pony who would only gripe that it was the thrid time that month that Nightmare smeared a pony across the walls of her royal bedchaimber. Though to be fair with the war going on, fear for the safety of her family both immedate and extended, fear for her friends, the fate of the farm in the long term and the seeming ending of Granny Smith's days Applejack has a lot on he plate to deal with at the moment so she is under considirrible stress here as well.
Speakinf of Nightmare while I'll admit that she's got points on the issue of appeasment and that the army should have at least have been kept combat ready. I do have to wonder if she isn't being a bit hasty here simpaly because Twilight brought up methods that Celestia used. While appeasement might not work that doesn't mean that diplomicy can and should be thrown entirely out the window at this jucture. From what we've seen the war is FAR from going in their favor and having a few fighters with RPG hero like abilities will only even the odds so much. Really she should be more focussed on getting outside allies and and forming a unighted front to press back the tide and drive the gryphons into submission. From there her options are even more flexible. I'm getting off topic here. My point is that for all Gilda is blinded by her pride Luna/nightmare is just as blinded in her own right by her hate of her sister and the gryphons at large.
Now I'm no sstatistion but GOOD LORD! The death counts from the bit with Fluttershy were making me think of MASH for how bleak the situation looked. If you can make a show like MASH seem almost optomistic with it's survivle rates and the atitudes of of the doctures and other mdeical staff then congradulations. I know that medicn can only go so far, and healing magic has it's limits as well. Throw in that we're never really told just WHAT the tech level of Equestria is in the show, much less how good their medical care is. Though bedside manner has apprently been tossed right out the window as seen with Rainbow being chucked out of the hospital with little regaurd, and the oh so helpfull and informitiv diagnosis of "He's a dragon." Gah Frank Burns was a jackass incompitent who BRIBED his way through med school but atleast he TRIED to be a good doctor. Hell ZOIDBURG seems like freaking JD given the way they're getting bodies on an assembly line here.
Wall-O-Text!
Okay my ranting and rambling over I really enjoyed te chapter as a whole and I look forward to reading the next to see just how bad things between Celestia and Nightmare were on that faitfull Night.
1560265 Nail on the head all over the place here Can't really say anything against it as that sums up everything perfectly.
This. This made my night, though.
1558582 I seem to have forgotten about that. It has been a while since I last read this. Doesn't change the fact that you're the only author who says "Apple Jack" who isn't a newbie and/or a lousy writer. However, since I now know you know what you're doing, that you are aware that your use is incorrect, your use of that spelling should hopefully reduce the amount of cringing I do when I see it.
So over the past 3-4 days I read this entire story, and I've got to say I'm really enjoying it. I love the way that even though you started with the canon of the show you've really created your own version of the world. I've seen it done in other fics, but I think this is probably the most well-developed fanfic world I've seen yet.
Ok, so specifics. I really enjoy your characterization of Twilight, she's completely different to how she is in the show, but that makes sense seeing as she hasn't had the experiences seen in the series. Though I'm a little confused about her training, why is she learning offensive strategies with a sword? She should really only worry about defense with her magic weapon, perhaps only using it in a shield form, and focus on using pure magic for offense. She has those energy beams in the show, and with her teleportation she should be really good at staying out of harm's way. Basically I see her as a long-range fighter instead of short-range.
Normally I despise OCs in fanfics, but I'll forgive it here for two reasons. Firstly because this world is so different from the show that it makes sense that different characters would become important. We never really see any military forces in the show either, so an OC would make sense to fill Cloudy's role. And the Second reason is Moon Beam. Holy shit, Moon Beam. It's like you looked at all of the adorable characters in the show and thought "I can make a more ridiculously cute character than that ". And then you did.
I'm looking forward to seeing RD come out of basic training. I can only assume that she'll wind up in NMM's personal guard with Cloudy and Gilda. Or she'll be a scout. She'd do well at that. But personally I'd prefer her in the former role since it would mean that she'd show up more often.
Anyway, I guess I need to go read that sidestory you're writing now that I've caught up with this story. Looking forward to more chapters.
1560315 Huzzha my Final Fantasy Six fanboyism made someone laugh! though in all honesty kefka's nuts enough that even Discord wouldn't mess with him. When the villian's ultimet goal is " A monument to nonexistence" or "an Empire of death" depending on the translation it's best not to face said guy if you can avoid it.
1561185 Honestly, I don't really see why it's so frowned upon, but I apologize for the future cringing.
1561751 As for Twilight's training, she hasn't had the time that canon Twilight has had to learn so many spells (since her horn has be vastly useless for the majority of the story [not to say she can't improvise]), but she's only learning combat training because of what happened with the whole throwing herself in front of the griffon that killed her and her failure to properly fight with Borea.
Moon Beam seems to be a fan favorite, and that is definitely what I had in mind. I loved the energetic filly type of deal that was the crusaders, but they are a little bit more obnoxious with their self-induced stupidity (not listening to the adults and whatnot), but I also needed her to be a guardian (originally to make sure Twilight didn't do anything stupid such as run away) and, aside from the assassin fiasco where Twi died, she does a damn good job of that even if she doesn't remember. Cherry Tart had to be added, cause one adorable filly wasn't enough (and how was I supposed to make cloppy clop with Moonie without somepony to love her too?). Cloudy is just what her name implies. She has that mixed personality that shows true in whatever situation she's in. Hard-ass for the soldiers and loving parent for the adopted filly. Aside from the MoonLight, the OCs were definitely my favorite part.
Rainbow Dash. As far as she's concerned, you'll have to wait and see. No spoilers for anypony.
Anyhoof, I'm glad you're enjoying this! Tis why I write! (For fun cause I like it and so you ponies have fun stuff to read ) I assume you're talking about Necro Domina, so hope you like that too. It's a little darker than this as far as some things go, but also has yummy fillyphilia (later).
1561778 He is a complete psycho and also the only FF villain to ever actually do what he wanted. He wanted to destroy the world and, damnit, he did. Blew that shit right up. Too bad there was a second one.
1563474 Indeed, also became a god like he wanted, where as mist "I'm not using this sword to compensate for anything I swear!" didn't get either of his goals accomplished yet HE gets all the damn credit as being the fan fave FF villian!
My fanboy isem aside I can't wait for the next chapter. I can't wait to see the war go into full swing and eventualy be resolved. Though most immedatly I want to see the memory you're teasing us all with Peppy.
Any update! Yes! Loving it.
i.imgur.com/veW90.gif
FOR MOAR ATFN!!!!
47872
It's hard do believe after all this time that this was only your first fanficton. You're great.
1574205 Hehe, thank you. I really must say that I've always enjoyed writing (stories, not essays. Essays can all go fucking die) and I've had a lot of help from various teachers to help me with it.
I'm at ch9 and in all honesty, I'm not very fond of any of the personalities and development I've read so far. I'm all for alternate universes and I don't mind romances or even clop, but having Twilight become NMM's thoroughly broken lapdog, sex slave and punching bag in the first couple hundred words, having her (for a change) beaten up, nearly raped and murdered by a couple of would-be rebels (I understand where you were going with that, but the reasoning behind their actions was just poor), shipping her with an OC who had about half dozen lines up to that point, introducing a clichéd bipolar child/monster minion (hi there Nyu), yeah, that's a bit much. There's a line between fast-paced and rushed.
And there's more, while I hate it when people display NMM as some sort of angsty, sad and misunderstood figure, you've taken the opposite approach so far that there's extremely little space for believable character development. You can't really develop someone who detests the mere idea of someone feeling anything other than fearful reverence towards her, hands out cruel and gruesome punishment for the smallest of offenses and only ever takes pleasure in narcissistic self-indulgence and the fear and suffering of others. At least not into a character anyone can sympathize with. Not in a believable way. And I expect you'll be trying to do just that (250k words of pure l'art pour l'art evil just isn't sustainable), but you've already laid a couple of minefields, raised a mountain and dug an ocean on that particular road, so yeah, good luck with that.
Twilight's personality "development" is a chapter for itself. While I don't have many illusions regarding the endurance of someone's resolve under these circumstances, again, you've taken it so far to the opposite side I actually feel kind of insulted on behalf of Twilight's intelligence, rationality, strength of will and the complexity of her personality. Also, compassion has its limits. You don't feel sorry for a cold-blooded murderer who just dethroned someone you basically revere, was set on killing you and your friends for opposing her and murdered dozens of loyal guards on her way to usurping the throne, just because she overexerted herself with all the slaughter. You just don't. That's not kindness or compassion or pacifism or even severe mental retardation, that's just poorly written character.
I'll keep reading. I like the premise, your writing or grammar aren't too bad (do something about its/it's, though, your editors let a lot of these through) and you strike me as a decent storyteller. And frankly, I'm curious whether you'll write yourself into a corner and beat my (already strained) suspension of disbelief to death, or find a way out of this. And don't take anything I said too harshly, I'm a bit of an asshole critic when I'm sleep deprived and I tend to exaggerate, and most of what I said is probably irrelevant by now, as I'm barely halfway into the first quarter (damn that sounds dumb in English) of what you've written so far. I just figured you have enough positive feedback by now to outweigh my bitching.
1580273 It's absolutely fine. Kinda refreshing to have criticism as opposed to praise every now and then. I shall look forward to what you have to say as you continue, but I'll tell ya this. (Brook isn't the ship.) Anyhoof, hope your opinion changes as you continue, but if not, thank you for giving it a shot! There are very few people that'll continue reading if they don't like the premise of the first few chapters, so you, sir (or madam? Idek), are a trooper.
And I'll have to go back and reread the story from the beginning (again ) to fix anything I may have missed the first two times. Seriously could have swore I got all of those its/it's.
Again, thank you, and I hope you enjoy the rest more so than so far.
1580693
Well, I'm at 1/4. I've had some sleep by now, so I'm laughing the weaker parts off rather than grinding my teeth (FYI, gravity kinda works the other way around, and lowering the Moon like this would actually make it a little bit easier to move around, as its gravity would counteract Earth's own... sadly, no bone crushing would be involved... not unless you lowered it all the way down).
As for Brook, yeah, WAHT A TWIST, glad she's dead and all, but again, believability. A 180° turn in a character without giving the reader any hints beforehand is bad manners, and so are double standards (betrayal and jealousy are bad, but I'm pretty sure you get more Villain Points for, say, making a foal murder hundreds). At that point, my suspension of disbelief was on its last stand, long since out of ammo, surrounded by plot holes, wielding a trench shovel and splitting skulls left and right. Then the Heart's warming episode came and nuked everything, but my SoD rose from the ashes of a nuclear fire to become a demilich, so now you can jump the shark all you like! Just hoping there won't be many more anal-tonguing OCs, you've got enough Stockholm syndrome going as is. And for the love of God, I hope you let Twilight act the part of a main character and let her be less of a tool.
Really now, though, I'm not taking it so seriously anymore and what do you know, it's surprisingly enjoyable. I'm looking forward (in a rather morbid way) to the shitstorm that's bound to happen when the Elements find out Twilight's gotten herself a happy family, a romance with a tyrranical usurper and a WMD grade foal. I have absolutely no idea what's the rest of the story going to cover, which is somewhat refreshing as opposed to stories that are predictable, but take forever to get there. And for a first fic, you're pretty good.
BTW., I'm a he.
1584824 Well, glad I could change your mind and, while it is supposed to be serious, it isn't that serious. The whole Silent Brook thing was kinda misplayed (lol kinda) and is something I'mma be revising when I go back through it to rewrite some things, but I was definitely going for what was in there (and, if you remember, she was the one that sent those rebels [see: potential rapists] after Twi). Anyhoof, I must say the story goes uphill from the first quarter or so as I got more into it and all.
And good to know, sir. I shall now know how to reply appropriately.
1586929 Bah. Totally isn't a real mistake! You can't pull a fast one on.....
Balls.
50% and kicking.
Agh! Palette swap, complete with dragonesque eyes and whatnot!
You just couldn't help yourself, could you? I hate it when fanfic writers do that.
You must resist the dark side of writing! Fight the urges! (Protip: When it gets too hard, do just the eyes.)
Mental color filter: ON
NMM: "Good morning, Twilight Sparkle. You have been augmented."
TS: "I never asked for this."