Nightmare Moon survives the Elements' power and takes Twilight as her prisoner. Now, the alicorn queen must establish her monarchy and defend her rightful place as queen against those that oppose her.
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59575 Haha! I can't wait to write how I want them to play out the scene. I will tell you. I'm going to make it as AWESOME as i can. The coming out scenes are always my favourite in shipfics and they are always best when you have two ponies that are different in so many ways (Like MoonLight ships!) I want to rush to that scene just so I can write it but that would be just mean for you guys. Nothing sucks more than a rushed story amirite?
Also, as you guys can tell, Chapter four is now out and ready to be read! Hop to it My Little Readers! I await your feedback~
Enjoyed reading this chapter. Great job as always.
Have read all of the chapters for this story today ^^ love how its progressing and is a great reverse of another Night mare moon story im reading. Im having fun looking between them and seeing the differences. (One has a more relaxed happy Nm and then there is this one who is OMG QUEEN MOON!) Keep up the awesome story work ^^.
59651>>59679 Thank you! As i said in the section below the story I really enjoyed writing this one. The Nightmare Moon fury scene was by far my favourite part of this chapter.
Ok now this story is definitely my favourite involving Queen Nightmare Moon. The story feels very well structured and alive. Every paragraph feels right, each and every part is a joy to read and full of juicy detail. Your character portrayal is simply superb too and a credit to the time and patience it must take to write each chapter of this story.
The Story is really, really good and well thought out as well. No spelling errors which is kinda uncommon considering the number of stories I've read in the last week which have been full of them which is only a credit to Peppy's writing skills and attention to detail .
I look forward to future updates, please continue at this rather comfortable pace, each time I read this it only seems to get better and I'd be sad to see the quality of your writing dip because you wanted to get the story out there sooner
59705 Don't worry my friend. I always strive to pump out the best stuff no matter how rushed I may feel. If I set a deadline for myself and feel it coming up I don't rush and instead just apologize. I know exactly what it's like to read the product of somepony's haste. Always disappointing. I'm overjoyed to see such great reactions to my story! When I first started off writing this I was worried it'd turn out horribly and boy was I ecstatic when so many people continued to read! Thank you so much! (This goes to all of you as well)
59720 Haha i see what you did there. Or at least I think i did. Don't worry. The rest of the elements will return to make their debut. I know that it's weird to just have them sit out of the story but just remember, Twilight was always the one to bring them together. (EPIC FORESHADOWING) [kinda...]
Moar.jpg
59747 Will do my friend.
Also, in reference to the elements coming back thing, the only reason they haven't appeared thus far is because, however much i LOVE Rarity, I absolutely hate trying to write out her personality. I tried so many different times in chapter one and it just came out TERRIBLY (hence the single line from her) (emote related) I'm going to have to spend some time on the chapters involving Rarity to perfect it but once I get it down I should be able to include them more.
Definite improvement from chapter one, which is something I always love to see in a story that has some legs to it. Take your time and keep the quality high.
This is the worst kind of wish-fulfillment/power-trip/wet-dream trash thrown in with a sadistic perspective and zero redeeming qualities. It's even worse since you're a competent writer and could probably put together an enjoyable story. Instead you wrote this junk. Good job.
59825 Interesting... I'm curious as to why you think that. The sadism of NMM comes from her being evil if that's what you mean. The rest idk. Either that or you're trollin xD
This story is good (thumbs up)
this is getting interesting....also write MOAR i need my FIX~!
"She had tried to pleasure the Night Queen at her request and had failed miserably. A single misplacement of her horn brought forth the fury of the night"
Oh my. So I take it we will be hearing more about the Queen's requests as the story goes on?
Hmm, mayhap Nightmare's enjoying Twilight's Massagess abit more then shes wishes to admit, hence her reaction when Twilight attempted to kneed her cutie marks?
Also I kinda feel sorry for Brook she seems quite taken with Twilight but well this is Twilight we're talking about here She's like a nice version of Monk (Much as I love him I have to admit Monk's a jerk.) Though what I'm really wondering about with Brook is why she was in on the meeting that planned to off Twilight. I guess she was acting as a spy butt well something tells me things might not be that simple here.
60182 I'm thinking about it. I dont want this to be cloppy (gotta let the semi younger kids read it too y'know?
60184 Haha exactly! Nightmare Moon was quite pleased with Twilight, well, until she went for the cutie mark. Sure she was kinda bad at it but NMM HAD been on the moon for a millenium. You tend to forget how a good massage differs from a poor massage. She was at the meeting? I don't remember putting her at the meeting
No matter how harsh and bitter Nightmare Moon becomes, Twilight won`t budge. Both share misconceptions of each other and while Nightmare Moon thinks Twilight would be infatuated by the presence of power, probably how they courted a thousand years ago. Twilight refuses to love her and pleasing her the way she desires so. The mare on the moon of course, is angered by Twilight`s unwilling behavior mostly out of jealousy and fear that Twilight, may be taken away. Otherwise and knowing very well the lack of intimacy between Twilight and Celestia was strickly tutor/pupil, Nightmare Moon wants to "brand" so to speak.
Either way, I like the way you write things, makes the readers think of the details.
It´s as if Nightmare Moon "wants" Twilight to disobey her, to face fear itself and slumber not in a corner but on top of the covers, with her, not due to royal obligation but due to her own willing action. The question is, will the mare of the moon let her go after realizing she`s the "one"
Makes me wonder what type of matured relation they would have if eventually, Twilight grew into an adult mare with her. Then, again if not by Twilight`s pleading desires, Nightmare Moon would probably kill back and forth without thinking of the consequences. So, she must hold some sort of power over her and I think the evil mare likes the feeling of it.
Ps: I can be a nuisance sometimes, so don`t take me too seriously. I just want to talk and write.
60217
I was refering to there being more requests (at least it would be implied that the Queen continues to have her do things) rather than more details about them. Should have made that more clear.
Hmm was Brook at that meeting? maybe i read something wrong now I have to reread the chapter.
Delfy man you seem to rather skilled with litirary intrepretation ever thought of being a critic?
60217
'We have lost many comrades to her power, but tonight, we shall inflict a lasting wound. Thanks to our new recruit here," he motioned to a green mare sitting in the back of the crowd, "we now have a plan.'
I think this is what janushyde means about Brook being there. She is the only green mare that we have really met; however it was never said it was her.
SHIT Ive ran out of chapters
Awesome story so far,Keep up the good work!
60268 Ahhh I could definitely see that. @first post. Ohhhhhhhh. Yeah that clears it up a bit. There will definitely be more requests. NMM IS an adult after all and it makes her all tingly when she makes others do what they don't want to.
60234 Haha! I love you man. GENIUS. I'll have you know that you are definitely not a nuisance.
Wait wait wait... Is this a MoonLight fic? Cause right now it seems like SilentLight(if that even exists)
Just finished rereading the chapter. I was wrong my confusion about Brook was caused by a combination of three facts and some conclusion jumping; 1 The ponies in the meeting being on the cleaning staff. 2 The leader making mention of a green colored mare being the newest to joint the groupe. 3 Brook being the one to inform Knightmare about the attempt on Twilight's life. So yeah the mistake was on my end peppy not yours.
Hmm I wonder how the Elements and Spike will react when they find out about Twilight's fate. I mean granted they'll be shocked but well you seem to have a good handle on thier personalities so when they learn the truth I'm expecting some really well written emotinal fallout from them, granted this is one hell of a drama bomb so that's to be expected.
60318 Yes. It's definitely a MoonLight shipfic. Don't you worry your noggin
60341 The Elements and spike thing is gonna be difficult for me to write but its definitely going to be written. Spike's will be ungodly hard. And I can definitely see how that'd work. I haven't revealed what Brook's special talent is so that also can add to speculation.
60507
Hmmm.... I know you've already got your entire thing planned out, but here's an interesting concept (albeit a bit cliched). You've got Nightmare Moon's most powerful minion being resurrected in order to keep an eye on Twilight (according to the description, I assume to prevent more assassination attempts). You could ship those two quite well, really.
61431 Ahhh yes. There would be a major problem with that. Can't tell ya why but you'll definitely see when the minion comes into play
60507 Okay. Cause' I was worried.
62254
That's why you're writing this and I'm not
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. Damn bookmarks bar caused me to lose about 500 words of writing Oh well, at least I know what it was
OWAIT HAHAHA I LOVE YOU FIMFICTION. Disaster averted. yay auto save!
Loved it nii-san! Don't worry I'll keep on reading so please don't lock my computer /
Well... bai!
>See shipping tags
>Twilight
>NMM
>OCs too
>Okay. Twi/Moon. I really liked Nightmares Don't Last Forever. I'll probably like this
>Read into it
>Oh. Okay. NMM is still a mean queen. Okay. Maybe she softens up to Twilight and they develop feelings over time and this is a longer shipping story.
>Whatsherface the OC kisses Twilight
>oh. I see. OC/Twilight.
>Stop reading
100350
Keep reading then. The story is just not straight forward.
I find myself respecting NM, very strange...
I spy four places where a new paragraph begins in the middle of a scentence. Something seems to have an issue with you going back and having the story edited.
It may be worth checking for such in other chapters as well.
Looks like the world is getting into the swing of things for the most part. This is realistic. I like how you portray the differing reactions of the ponies to their new ruler. Being that this is only chapter four, I' very eager to see where you take this and where you take the characters.
"begin the preparations for her minions recovery" - I'm pretty sure this should have an apostrophe
"poster of a pink mare wearing a nurses cap" -
"Twilight handed her saddlebags off to a baggage colt who set them in the cargo space then stepped in after the Queen" - Y U FORGET COMMA
59825 Congratulations! You're a troll!
... Wow, and here I thought this was going to be a TwiMoon! xD Oh wellz... *Keeps reading anyhoof*
(Besides, there's a chance that something will happen to whatsherface, and then they grow closer later... Never know. This could just be to throw us of track.)
I think you're laboring under a misapprehension of just what a "Head Maid" does. The duties you described Silent Brook doing would normally fall under the purview of the Chamberlain, or Seneschal. If Nightmare Moon were seriously militarily-minded, she might even be called an Adjutant. As it is, a head maid oversees all the other lesser maids, as well as the needs of the mistress.
One other problem I have with this story is the characterization. I kinda doubt Twilight would try to protect Nightmare Moon like this, even, no, make that ESPECIALLY at the cost of other ponies' lives. I can believe that she would try her best to keep ponies from being hurt, but she saw the carnage firsthand when Nightmare first took control of the throne room, not to mention her ill treatment at her hands- err, hooves.
An otherwise intriguing story. I'll forge on ahead to see how it goes.
... I freaking HATE knowing what's coming up! xD (Like and hate at the same time. Still doesn't lessen the emotions though.)
I love what you are doing with the realtionship between nightmare moon and twilight. Slowly but surely turning nightmare moon from someone who only wanted to bring terror and pain to twilight to a protector that while doesn't openly care about twilight's well being. She cares enough that she wont abandon her. I can see where the romance tag is coming from. I applaud your genius you bring two characters that want to kill each other.(sorry about my grammar. I cant even find a comma button on this stupid thing) and mature each of them in such an expertly manner. That they end up loving and caring for one another. You get 5/5 of these.
and you get to be God for the day after you read this.
Sorry for my long winded comment I'm Mindanao new at this and if it's not to much trouble could you give me some pointers on this thank you
100350
A bit shallow minded, don't you think?
I usually don't like character/OC shipping, I thought this was a bit of Twi/NMM too, but I like Silent Brook. She's a very good OC, it's quite rare for people to manage to make good OC characters.
As for the story itself so far, quite good, I'm wondering what'll happen in the future? Will Twilight somehow get her magic back? WIll Nightmare Moon continue to rule, and so on? What happened to Celestia, and where is she?
So many questions... Too bad I'm in school ._.
All her molten fury with those four assassins was gorgeous. I continue to eagerly read, sir/madam.
Awwww s**t. Pri- ahem. Queen Nightmare Moon is a boss. Don't get her angry or she will tear u limb by limb and slowly. Otherwise lovin the story bud. Actually I'm excited to read the whole rest of it :)
Somepony actually has feeeelllliinnnnngggssss!
Poor twi..... At least it seems nightmare moon has a heart
3842635 Not much of one, amirite?