Nightmare Moon survives the Elements' power and takes Twilight as her prisoner. Now, the alicorn queen must establish her monarchy and defend her rightful place as queen against those that oppose her.
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3678554 no, flawed story is flawed story. its very starting premise is enormously flawed. instead of creating a different scenario, you lazily just state that nightmare moon was immune to the elements. not that she managed to dodge it, not that she managed to wound one of the element bearers along the way. she just is....... inexplicably immune.
can say that i know a story that, while it has less than half the upvotes, it is probably twice the effort and effect of this story. Starlight over Detrot, and it seems that it is solely like that because it all oc characters. hell they have someone actually DIE and come back and they had written it so well that it appears as quite the likely scenario.
3681839 Anywho, it is explained. I'll say what I've said every other time I've explained this. Do you really want a story that creates a conflict and then explains/resolves it right away? I could have explained everything that happened from the get-go, but then what would be the point of the rest of the story and lore-building?
3681854 you should have explained it. this is not a mystery, it is your readers scratching their heads and wondering how da fuck did she resist a wall of rainbow purification. not to mention that even IF she had prepared a tactic, it would have completely failed against the elements this time around. she only had experience against the elements at their weakest, with only celestia the wielder. with the six ponies in harmony, its full power is released.
just because you create a radiation shield does not mean it can withstand radiation period.
"Wow! Ponies sure do love a good ruler who keeps them safe and isn't so self absorbed that she won't risk herself in battle! Funny how I never realized this before!"
Silly Moonie. Also totes calling it on Dragonland having innate magic dampening or something that blocks her mental links.
and one last thing b4 I go.
Revel?
3681909 If you like your story-telling to show you everything you want right up front, then this isn't the story for you. And, while I'm at it, it's not like the main six knew exactly how they worked. Even if each pony embodied the Elements, that doesn't mean that each and every one of them had the know-how to properly wield them. You also have to remember that Celestia alone represents three of the three pony tribes, something that none of the current wielders can boast. Regardless, completely off the point. If you don't like stories that don't present a problem then immediately explain it/present a resolution, then, like I just said, this story isn't for you, because I do not write like that.
3681918 Thanks for catching that. I'll ctrl + f it and fix it.
3681960 you do not seem to understand my criticism. nightmare moon resisting the elements of harmony like that is NOT something you make a mystery of. it is a flawed enough premise already without making a needless mystery out of it.
a mystery is a powerful narrative tool if used right, which this is not done right. hiding the meaning of some object discovered, the identity of the main villain, having the character be amnesiac, or putting the character into a situation wehre they are forced to doubt theri reality. these are the kind of mysteries that work. making it a mystery of how someone who should not be immune to somehting FAR more powerful than them is simply trying to disguise lazy and contrived writing as some kind of intrigue.
bottom line, story doesn't work because of extremely contrived writing poorly disguised as intrigue. worst part is the narrative could have been saved if it was ANY OTHER REASON why they could not use the elemetns of harmony.
3682014 And you may be right, as you are inclined to have your own opinion, but, again, I don't write out resolutions and explanations from the get-go. I don't like to do so as I find it tacky and, just as you consider this contrived and lazy, have the exact opposite opinion of yours. I don't like it when authors take the easy way out and shove an explanation in there instead of creating a plot-point around it later. As I see it, my way adds an impact to the failure of the Elements. The ponies thought it some all-powerful item that would guarantee their victory, as you and Alondro seem to think (which, might I add, I also do not share the same opinion on), and expected everything to go off without a hitch. They're absolutely stunned that it didn't work and, considering the situation, do you really think that Nightmare would just go 'Hah! It didn't work because of this!'? It'd be counter-productive, because all the ponies would have to do then is figure out a way to counteract what she did and fire a second time.
All of this finally boils down to the last point:
There wasn't anything that needed saving. I did not say that she outright blocked the Elements. It is implied, yes, because which would be more intimidating? You having the raw power to block the assumed most powerful items in the world, or a concocted scheme to render them momentarily inert? But remember, I didn't give any reasoning as to what happened, which was the point. It left everybody wondering 'how in the fuck did they not work?'.
3681918
Not gonna lie here, this was my exact thought when i read that 'rebel in my splendor' bit.
No, rebel against my splendor! Tear down those onyx-marble walls! Steal the priceless antiques! Destroy anything worth anything to the nobles! Make sure to pillage, then rape, then burn it all down though. Just to make sure you got it all.
I think you meant to use heartless. Because during her private time with Twilight, she has shown that she can have quite a bit of heat.
I regret nothing!
Also, Moon Beam! She's still alive, and she has news for Nightmare Moon! And it's most likely news about the real Twilight!
3682127 Destroying Anything of value that the nobles own is actually a really funny idea. I can almost imagine Nightmare "leaking" the guard patrol schedules and letting the peasants ransack a bunch of nobles' houses just because they're universally idiotic.
3682130 Yeah, I did. Thanks for catching it!
Also, heatless is definitely a lie.
3681839 I don't mean to gripe but the premise behind her being immune was extremely well thought out. The way I see it the elements are like changelings in a way. They draw energy from positive emotions are turn those into power. Unlike changelings they don't steal that power but its the same premise. Now if we're assuming that the elements require harmony to function (as shown in the season 2 premier) and that all 6 elements must be working together to unleash the full power then being able to negate and cancel out one of those elements (especially the one that links the rest) seems like a great way to stop them from working. How nightmare would know this, well we can assume that hen Luna and celestia were searching for the elements the first time around they did research. If you have any other qualms or problems I'd love to back up a story that personally I believe is brilliant.
3682178 Hehe, I doubt he's read that far in or he would've had the explanation he was looking for and I wasn't planning on explaining it to him since that'd defeat the entire purpose of reading the story. Thanks for the assist, though.
want more killing
time for the bombsehll...."twilights pregnant" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I think this was pretty much the best Christmas gift. I'm so happy that Luna managed to win the war without killing her own soldiers. And now her soldiers are starting to respect her for the better. So apparently the closer Luna is to Moonbeam and or Twilight her connection to them is stronger.
However i am kind of irritated by the cliffhanger. Apparently Twilight is still alive but did something bad happened to her? Did the Griffons forced Twilight to have a miscarriage(use your imagination on how they did it)? Or did Twilight lost her mind?
I really hope you update this soon because the anticipation is killing me.
I've noticed that you tend to use a lot of references to one character, and this can get confusing for people.
3682194 no problem! This story is very quickly climbing into my list of re-reads. Something not so easy to do considering the top 3 are taken by 1000000 + stories that had me captivated. The only thing that this story is lacking is an explanation as to why happened to twilight. The fact that I've reached the end of published work and there is a mystery like that is causing me such frustration!
Brilliant story though 9/10
Kefka!
3683564 You're gonna hafta be more specific than that.
3684451
Nooo!!! Peppy's doing it again. Why you Cliff hanger.
3678554 Pandering?
Trollfics pander to no one!
3681909 Yeah, and the idea that the Elemental Rainbow Laser is even akin to 'radiation' is patently idiotic. It's a magical purification beam. All radiation would do is give her burns and/or cancer.
And we're still missing Discord. You CANNOT have the Elements as they are without his presence. He is inextricably tied to Celestia and Luna's discovery and initial use of them.
In this scenario, he should have broken loose from the spell binding him within days, given the sheer amount of chaos and disharmony NMM's conquest of Equestria generated.
There are dangling ends all over the place.
3685156 you realize i was only using it as an example, right? the element's magic and radiation ahven o cnnection, but then again what can you compare magic to begin with?
i was using an example that if ngihtmare moon theoretically could block the magic somehow, she would probably not expect something more powerful than last time. meaning she would have an insufficient shield. with radiation shielding it can only hold back so much radiation before it fails or is destroyed, which is why i used it as an example.
actually he would be released because, well, discord binding was already weakening the moment the elements went to the mane six. his escape had nothing to do with any growing disharmony or chaos. it was because the elements had changed and were now no longer sustained that spell anymore. discord's freedom is inevitable short of nightmare moon killing him before he is released.
3685156 Again, you just assume that Discord is not going to be released. I'll requote everything I've said before in one simple statement: My headcanon is not your headcanon.
Just because you want Discord released the moment somebody sneezes in the wrong direction doesn't mean it's going to happen in my story.
3685258 Please refer to what was said right up there about Discord^. It should have been obvious with the previous 5 times I've said it, but I reiterated it just in case.
Anywho, there is a reasoning for why the Elements failed. It's just not explained exactly where you want it to be. The point is somewhat valid, as an explanation is always needed, but having the reader determine exactly where I'm supposed to put it is absolutely ludicrous. If you don't want to wait for the explanation, that's fine, I've already told you that if waiting isn't your thing then you should go, but continuing to complain about not getting your way with my story is kinda silly.
Same goes for you Alondro. If you want an epic to go how you want, then write the story yourself and have it go exactly as you wish.
3685315 Headcanon is one thing. Logical continuity is another.
Discord is the spirit of CHAOS AND DISHARMONY. His prison was created by the Elements. With Celestia gone, Luna totally and 100% an evil murderous psycho-sadist bitch who deserves 10,000 deaths in Chinese hell, and the Bearers either corrupted or dead...
Yeah, doesn't take much thought to conclude he'd be free by now.
Allow me to put it simply: just because someone writes a story doesn't mean the story makes any sense.
3685344 I still only see butthurt, but let me tell you this:
A. I don't care if it's logical to you if Discord would be released or not. It doesn't fit with what I want to happen in the story right now, so it isn't going to happen.
B. This was started with season 1 in mind and I wasn't even planning on having him be canon in the story. It's a romance between Twilight and Nightmare with the fallout of bringing an unwanted eternal night to the world, not a 'Let's adhere 100% to canon because some kid on the internet wants me to' story.
C. Again, I find it ridiculous that he would just break free so easily and plan on having a completely different reasoning behind his release.
If you don't like it, then I have one last thing to say: Fuck off, eh? This story obviously wasn't written with you in mind, so what's it matter to you? Next bit of stupidity will put you as the first on my block list.
3684654
I've seen you refer to Twilight for example several different names, some of which include, the byzantium mare, the purple unicorn, the queens consort etc etc.
It sounds like there's more than one character.
When I first started reading this story I found myself re-reading a few paragraphs thinking "Where did that guy come from? Oh, it's just Twilight"
Make more sense now?
3685344
Personally I believe that the way Discord escaped in the show was a load of utter rubbish.
I mean his prison was made by the "allegedly" most powerful artifacts in the world.
If simple disharmony nearby his presence causes him to escape then having him as a statue in the middle of the gardens where anyone can visit (and have a lovers quarrel) seems absurd.
Finally this is a story, with an author, who is not part of the show's staff.
You've come to read a story about Twilight and Luna. Not Discord.
If your looking for Discord then go find another Story. Try Diaries of a Madman. 1.3 Million words going strong and is amazing.
merry Christmas peppy! Thanks for the chapter and the title! I'm now wondering if I shouldn't try and force a joke about Nightmare casting the "Light of judgment" or berating her for not just unleashing a "Fallen one." and bringing every troop in her foe's army down to one HP and letting her troops have fun helping her mop them up. Either way I'm done geeking out about my favorite video game for the moment and I'm wondering what's going on. why can Nightmare Now Feel Moon beam? Was she talking to the real twilight a few times in battle? What news does Moon Beam have to bring and is it going to let all the air out of the sorely needed victory?
3684451 a fitting name to say that ones name
3685630 Makes a little more sense and, while I understand where the confusion could come from, I've only ever used words to describe each character and haven't mixed them yet. The difference between lavender mare and byzantium mare recently have been there just for that confusion, actually, but I've tried to keep everything from getting stale by saying He/she/it/Twilight/Nightmare every time. I particularly am not a fan of consistent repetition, so I try to expand the defining characteristics of each character as much as possible to try and keep it fresh. Sadly, even that is difficult.
3685767 FF6 is definitely one of the best games. I was actually gonna name this The Decisive Battle, but changed my mind at the last moment, so gushing is to be expected and welcome.
As for the rest, that's just something you'll hafta wait and see, isn't it?
3686101 Yes, the waiting is kinda fun though. The chapters are always worth while and when we get surprise updates like this that just amps up the tension and thus the fun of the reveal when we finally get chapters that take a while to make.
Still I'm really looking forward to see what tricks you have in store for us. Also while I'm tempted to gush about FF6 I think I'll hold off as most likely would be amused. So I'll just debate on weather to call Nightmare's moon laser attack the "Ion Cannon" or the "Light of judgment" as both are fitting names for it and reference some great games as well.
3685344
Just, Please Stop it before I sent Mods.
Stop Wanking to your Argument, It make Most Space Battles Users blush.
3686101 Just thought I'd tell you. I think that headcanon is your own right and you're doing a wonderful job so far. To the people telling you you're illogical. Just remember this, they're applying logic to a world of sentient, pastel and playfully paletted ponies that speak, fly, cast magic, and get marks on their asses when they discover their special talent. Logic has no hold in this world. We're applying human understanding to a completely different reality. Ignore the trolls and write what you wish.
~Alto Out. (Hehehe)
Woo! more badassery from Moonbutt! I probably would have done more shadow magic, but that's just me. Fantastic action scenes. Noticed a few things off in the narrative, though...
Got a stray letter, there.
low
The proper phrasing is "worse comes to worst"... unless you're talking about a German sausage, in which case it's "wurst comes to worst".
I think that should be either, "attempts, and while I have been empowered by the moon's" or "attempts, and while empowered by the moon's"
plated?
Shouldn't this be italicized since it's Phantom-Twilight talking?
Um... huh?
From on her boots? The blood was coming from her boots?
You doubled up on the wide swaths.
3685156
Who's to say that Discord isn't kicking back somewhere with a bowl of popcorn, watching the chaos unfold around him? Heck, 3/4 of his job is handled just by Nightmare's presence alone. That's assuming Discord even exists in the fanon.
3685258
Magic, by it's very definition, is unexplained. Comparing it to anything only really works within a given canon/fanon. You may as well say that magic is like the liquid cheese that comes a spraycan. It's not necessarily wrong, since magic is a fantastical element to story writing. What I'm getting at, is that calling magic akin to radiation is pure headcanon. Also, re: Discord. I point you towards my response to Alondro above.
3685630
That's actually a common trick writers use so they don't have to keep using proper names or pronouns when indicating who is speaking or performing an action. It keep the narrative fresh and interesting.
3685733
I have to agree with you here. If the prison was that unstable that a trio of bickering foals could free him, then why would Celestia place him in a public garden? For that matter, why put him anywhere but in a dusty old basement where everypony would forget he even existed?
3694892 ................ it is unaplexained only by its existence. and i was in no god damn wy, as i have said more than ocne now, directly comparing magic and radiation. its just a similar concept. nightmarem oon could not create any kind of shield taht would hold up against the elements of harmony when wielded to theri true potential. that is not even taking into account that, since the elements either seals or destroys dark magic, anything she attempted would have been destroyed by that power.
3694916
Sorry, I must have missed that part. In any case, this is a "what if" kind of story, and the story wouldn't go anywhere if the proposed premise can't even get off the ground. Obviously, certain things need to be changed. Now, it's been a while since I read the vast majority of this story (being that it's been going on for quite some time), but I think your question (namely, how she did it) was probably answered somewhere along the line. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was.
3695050 whatever it is, i doubt it would fit anyway. there had to be at least five different and more reasonable what if routes that could have been utilized. i could well ahve been that one of the ponies got injured by that manitcore before fluttershy tamed it, forcing fluttershy, or some other pony, to carry the injured pony back to ponyville for medical attention. since twilight was unaware of the need of having six ponies with her, they would have let it happen.
and that would have been a logical possiblity in all of that.
he tries to make a mystery of it all, but how it was executed just does not work. it is a mystery hard to believe to begin with and just hangs over the head needlessly as you read. a mystery should play at the back of your mind, driving you forward, not make you trod along trying to find the answer to why it happend, fearing you are going to be royally disappointed.
............not to mention i do not understand why celestia is not there. it was only supposed that she capturedcelestia, but it seems clear to me that celestia simply stood aside and hid in order not to antagonize her sister, and also ti interfere if the plan did not work out............... considering it is confirmed she used to elements to bind her sister to begin with, it is also unlikely that naightmare moon could jsut banish celestia............. that was kinda obvious from teh get go taht she used the elements to bind her.
3695050
HELP ME MIGHT WRABBIT!
How do i reply to people with their name rather than that silly number.
P.S. Why are you everywhere!
I read your stories and they were amazing. Props to you for them and I'd like to say I'd read again.
But every single story i go to on this website your there!
Every.
Single.
Time.
I mean by the stars are you following me!?
3692412 Thanks for the support. Mostly unnecessary considering I don't really care what they think should be in the story. If I had wanted it, it would have happened. Glad you enjoy it!
Fixed the errors outside of a few.
This one was a pain in the ass to find. I got mixed results all across google and it was supposed to be worse, but my phone seems to have set it to worst like an asshole.
Doesn't fit my writing style. If you notice, I don't comma before and. It is a good suggestion and, while I have fixed the missing I, I do thank ye for the looksie.
Blame my phone for that, too. It can register bold and bold-italics, but not regular italics, so I didn't notice it.
Thanks for the replies, but I do not suggest wasting your time on Alondro or myth. Neither of them are going to read the story to get the answers they want. They're just going to sit there and complain about how they would have written it. It was explained, he just wants to bitch about it since it didn't go his way.
3695088 Dude, you're going on right along the route of Alondro. If you aren't going to read it, then fuck off and quit speculating about what should have happened. The explanations are in the story. If you want the answers, then open the damn thing and find them. If don't want to do that, then why are you here? You voiced you opinion, an opinion based on what you want (write your own damn story if you want it [and for the love of god, fix your grammar and spelling]), so read it or scoot, or I'm gonna block ya.
And, before you rant and rave again, remember that this is my Alt Universe and your beliefs about what should happen are 100% invalid.
3695091 Click the reply box. Once you refresh the page, it'll show the name instead of the numbers.
3695133
Thanks... Your awesome . Amazing. Excellent. Magnificent. Glorious. Superb. Spectacular. One of a Kind. Phenomenal. Wonderful. Extraordinary... Other words of that nature that escape me ... Like... good... and.... ok .... and uhhh.... hmmm... I....
In short - You rock!
3695147
3695150
Am I making somepony blush?
No lies here but you're the reason that I can confidently turn to the people at my school and say YES I do like MLP and I am a brony.
Because it's not the show, it's the artists and writers and composers that take the show and turn it into something magnificent that can take me away and send me into a world where anything is possible.
I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will continue to watch this amazing piece of fiction and meanwhile will check out all of your other stuff.
See you next chapter.
3695088
Like I said, the answer to your conundrum is in there, you just have to look for it. As for whether or not it measures up to your exacting standards is between you and said standards. Regarding Celestia's absence, the same could be said of the canon story, itself. Where was Celestia? Who knows. Maybe she was hiding out in a treehouse. Maybe she was on the moon (who'd think to look for her there?). Maybe she was kicking back at Milliway's, chugging down a Pan-galactic Gargle Blaster. If you're going to try to pick that particular nit, you better start with the show first.
3695091
Yeah, Peppy pretty much answered your first question for me. As for your second, I think it just has to do with similar taste in fiction. That, and the fact that I can't help but comment on stories I like... and I'm a prolific (though slow) reader. Thanks for liking my stories, by the by.
3695133
Glad to be of assistance with the errors. While this is the first time I've come across lordofmyth, Alondro have had some amicable dealings in the past. I think the problem here is that your personalities (yours and Alondro's, that is, dunno about lordofmyth) are too similar (both believe you're right, no matter what). Too many type A's spoil the conversation.
3695703 Difference is, I know I'm right , because this is my stuff.
3685733 No, I came to see a featured story, because I foolishly assumed it would be based on a sensibly thought-out plot.
Instead, I see NMM conveniently block the Deus Ex Rainbow Laser and everything go to hell under her flaming psychotic madness, I see Twilight fall to darkness after raping and torture into basically becoming a Charles Manson disciple, and yet somehow I'm expected to now feel for both these awful creatures?
No.
3695846 Yeah, warned ya. Fuck off time. Congrats on being my first block after these couple of years.
Dam vacation getting in the way of my reading . Still, this was quite enjoyable .
3695852
I simply cannot understand how anyone can be so stupid. I mean if he has a problem with the convenience of NMM's defence why doesn't he have a problem with the convenience of 5 random mares from ponyville having the exact traits needed for the elements or that Twilight would even know what to do etc etc. Personally I think this has happened.
Nightmare Moon's combat skills give me the shivers. Awesome chapter and Jahurl's epic save, while easy to anticipate in hindsight, really amazed me. I don't know if that's because I'm high or if you just made a really good setup for that ending, but it works for me. I'm liking Jahurl more and more everytime he makes an appearance in this story. Mostly I saw a lot of character development with Nightmare Moon. She is progressing steadily towards higher moral ground and starting to see how her supposed tyranny might even win her the love of her subjects. Doing bad things but in this case, for all the right reasons. The hallucinations were a nice touch, too. I like how towards the end, Twilight's voice turned out to be Nightmare's conscience. Also, the meteor shower spell may have been the most awesome spell never cast.