• Published 2nd Mar 2017
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Land of Equines - Daddy Joe



Who would've thought that being at the wrong place at the wrong time would bring something so surreal.

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Unnatural Occurrences

Unnatural Occurrences
March 17th, 2013

When I woke up today, I was unsure of what I really wanted to do. Twilight and Spike were both gone when I walked downstairs earlier, so who knows what they're doing. But on the bright side, it's Saturday, and that means the weekend is here. That means I don't have to patrol the Dovere territories until next week Monday. However, I do need to mail a mandatory weekly report and a creature elimination form to Nighthunter, whose all the way up in Canterlot. And so, that's what I did.

First, I filled out the creature elimination form. I listed the specie, quantity, which was two, date of death. Y'know, the usual stuff. But when the form asked for a time, I didn't really know the exact time, so I simply wrote: 1 AM. Once I had finished filling it out, I placed it in a envelope and sealed it tight, sliding my tongue on the top part, receiving that odd, sweet flavor that some envelopes have. Next, I got a blank piece of paper and got one of Twilight's quill pens and a bottle of ink from upstairs. I then began to write my weekly report letter.


Dear Nighthunter,

It is safe to say that the Dovere territories at the moment are safe and secure. Wednesday and Friday night were very calm and simple. Not a soul was out there that night. Well.. except for the more tamer inhabitants in the forest, but you know what I mean. Monday night, the first night, was the real kicker and the first time i've really seen a full body Timberwolf in real life. I found out it was a Timberwolves with the help of the mannequins. Beside finding a chewed up mannequin, I actually bumped into a Timberwolf, believe it or not. What I thought was a log was actually a Timberwolf itself all curled up to perfectly imitate a log. So yeah, that was a real close one. What saved me was the roof lights on top of the Land Rover. To defeat the two confirmed Timberwolves, I used one of the tactics you taught me in the training program; the one where I climb a tree and wait for the Timberwolves to show up while combining the mannequin and speaker device as bait. Using the Igneous-1007 and fast actions, I was able to clock both Timberwolves real easily with minimal effort. I then disposed of the stone remains and dumped in a pond where nopony would probably never even look. If somepony did find them, they would most likely pass them off as being large rocks because I used the sledgehammer in a way that made them more rock like, removing the characteristics of a Timberwolf. But besides that night, Wednesday and Friday was me just driving around the Dovere territories in circles, but it's worth it to keep Ponyville safe. That's all for now, but I hope to send you more letters in the future that will have way more interesting stories. Have a nice day, sir.

Sincerely,

Agent Barlow

After finishing my weekly report, I slipped that into another envelope as well and wrote the mailing info on both envelopes. Now all I have to do is drive over to the postoffice in order to send the letters. I then got into the Land Rover and drove over to the Ponyville Post Office.

I drove around Ponyville for awhile, trying to find the place since I had no idea where it was at, but I did eventually find it. When I parked the Defender by the side of the post office, i noticed that I was relatively small, so standing up inside it may be a challenge. Turns out I was correct when I got to front door. I ducked my head and slightly crouched as I made my way inside the post office. Just one of the struggles of being tall.

Once I made it inside and stood upright again, I noticed a certain mare that I have not seen since winter of last year sorting through some mail at the front desk. It was Derpy.

"Oh, hi there, Caleb." Derpy greeted.

"Hey, Derpy!" I replied gleefully. "You work here at the post office?" I asked.

"I sure do!" Derpy replied.

"What are you doing there?" I asked her.

"Just sorting through the mail. I kinda have to be more organized than before." Derpy said.

"Why?" I asked.

"I would occasionally mess up on the mail destinations sometimes." Derpy replied, sheepishly.

"Ah, that's alright. Everypony has to make a mistake sometime in their life." I said.

"Do you have some letters that might need some sending?" Derpy asked, noticing the two envelops in my right hand.

"Uh, yes I do." I said, handing her the two letters.

"All the way up to Canterlot?" Derpy asked.

"Yep. Is that alright?" I asked.

"It is, but it's rare to have letter be sent to Canterlot." Derpy replied.

"Is that so?" I asked.

"Mm-hmm. Most letters that are sent here are mostly for sending letters to other parts of Ponyville, but I can fly up to Canterlot to deliver the letters." Derpy said.

"No, it's okay. I can just drive up there and you won't have to fly." I said.

"It's alright. It's my job to deliver the mail, and I can do anything for a friend." Derpy insisted.

"You sure?" I asked her.

"Absolutely." she replied.

"Well, thanks Derpy," I said, gratefully. "Just make sure to not go to the door of the house when you deliver these letters. The owner doesn't like to be bothered." I said.

"Okay. Thanks for the heads up." Derpy said.

"You're welcome. I gotta get going, but it was nice seeing and talking to you again, Derpy." I said.

"You too, Caleb. Bye." Derpy waved.

"See ya." I said, grabbing a map of Ponyville on the way out.

I then hopped back into the Defender and drove back to the Golden Oak Library. While driving through Ponyville, I looked up into the sky to see if there were any pegasi moving any clouds around, but saw something that stood out from the light blue sky. Way high up, I could see a pink blob just sitting there in there, not moving at all.

"Ehh, it's probably just some experiment the pegasi are doing with the clouds." I mentally explained to myself.

Taking one last look at the mysterious cloud, I continued on back to the library without a care in mind about it. Right when I arrived back to the library and exited the Defender, I heard the suspension on the Land Rover begin to squeak and creak, almost as if it was bouncing up and down. I quickly turned my head back towards the Defender and saw that the body frame was slightly bouncing before settling down and became motionless.

"The hell?" I said, confused on what had happened behind me.

I walked to the other side of the Dender to see if anypony was there, but nothing. There was no explanation to why the Defender was shaking by itself. I then headed to the front door to go inside, peeking my head back out one more time once I entered the library.

Once I got inside, I thought of what I was going to do next.

"Lunch." I said.

I then made myself a grilled cheese sandwich with some of the cheese slices in the fridge and bread that was in the pantry. I cringed when I took my first bite because I accidently burned one side of one of the sandwiches I made. Yeah, I guess I left that one side on for too long. After my disappointing lunch, I went upstairs to my duffle bag and grabbed the book on Equestrian history and opened it. I really didn't know what I wanted to specifically read until I remembered something that Cheerilee mentioned on Monday. What I remembered was our brief chat about Discord.

"He seemed like a real wacky thing." I said.

I looked for Discord in the table of contents and found it right away. When I turned to my designated page, there was supposed to be a depiction of Discord in a small rectangular area in the far right side of the page, but the picture seemed as if it was erased from existence, it was gone.

"Maybe I missed a page." I said, flipping back and forward through the pages, but couldn't find the image anywhere. "Okay, so what the hell? It's not like the picture grew legs and jumped off the book." I said.

I looked through the book again one more time before giving up and closing the book.

"I know there was a picture of Discord in there somewhere." I said, rubbing my chin.

Right after I said that, I heard small raindrops hitting against the window behind me.

"Must be raining." I said, turning around to look outside.

But this rain was far beyond any rain i've ever seen. The rain was brown as ran down the entire window from the outside. Curious, I looked out the window and up in the sky, only to find more of those pink blobs floating in the sky, but more lower than before. I quickly ran down the stairs and stepped outside, the air had a sweet smell to it. Almost like... chocolate.

I opened the palm of my hand to have few of the droplets fall onto my hand. I was unsure whether to lick it or not, but I did. As I thought, the rain tasted just like chocolate milk, but very rich.

"Chocolate milk rain?" I questioned myself with utter perplexment.

While my mind was trying to comprehend on why this was happening, the Defender behind me began to violently shake again. I turned around again and I saw what was happening. Every single door on the Defender opened and closed over and over again at a rapid pace without stopping for a moment before something absolutely unnatural happened.

First, the suspension for the back tires began to extend outwards, with the tires still attached. Then the same thing happend to the front tires. So basically, the wheels extended outwards and are laying flat on the ground at the moment while the Defender's body rested on the grass. I ran over to the tires to see if I somehow put them back into place, but before I could touch the tires, the back tires stood upwards all by themselves. I backed up to the sudden movement. Then the two front tires did the same thing. What happened next is the real kicker that deems this unnatural.

Using the front tires, the Defender lifted itself off the ground while using the back tires as a pair of legs. Like that, the Defender was standing upwards like a human.

"What is this?!" I exclaimed as my brain began to fry.

The front side of the Defender began to curve downwards towards me, not breaking in half in the process. The headlights then blinked at me like a pair of eyeballs as Defender stared down at me. Unsure of what to do, I spoke to it.

"Um... do you.... speak?" I asked, but got no response.

The Defender continued to stare at me before it used the back tires to turn itself away from me. The Defender stared down the street ahead for a moment before it rolled away from me.

"Hey! Get back here!" I yelled at the Defender.

I sprinted after the Defender, causing it to look back at me. The Defender sped up more faster and it quickly outran me, leaving me in the dust.

"Shit!" I said.

Once the dust had dissipated into thin air, the Defender was long gone.

"Ugh, this is not good," I said to myself. "I gotta find Twilight."

And so, I began my search for Twilight Sparkle, who could be anywhere in Ponyville at the moment. The only unnatural occurrences that were going on so far was the chocolate rain, but I did find out what those pink blobs were.

As I was walking through Ponyville, one of the pink blobs floated all the way down from the sky and floated at a reachable height. I jumped up and got a little bit soaked with chocolate rain in the process, but the cloud itself was very sticky. I also noticed the another sweet scent that was emanating off it as well. I tore a small piece of the blob off and licked it, quickly dissolving on my tongue because it was cotton candy.

"Okay, this is trippy." I said.

Right after I said that, a mare's voice called my name from behind.

"Caleb!" the voice called, causing me to turn towards the source.

"Amethyst!" I replied.

Incase you're wondering, I kinda met more ponies in the span of this week, so I know a whole lot more ponies now.

"Is that a cotton candy cloud?" Amethyst asked.

"I know, right? Pretty odd." I said.

"Let me see that." Amethyst requested.

I handed her the cotton candy cloud and she squeezed it, causing a waterfall of chocolate milk to spray out the bottom.

This drained the cloud dry and turned the cloud into a soggy mess as it floated back up.

"Is this normal in Equestria, or is it something not normal?" I asked Amethyst.

"Not normal. I've never seen anything like this in my entire life." Amethyst replied.

"Huh. Yeah, some weird stuff has happened to me like ten minutes ago." I said.

"What happened?" Amethyst asked.

"Y'know that Land Rover I drive around most of the time?" I asked Amethyst.

"The giant white wagon thing?" Amethyst guessed.

"That's one way of naming it, but yes, it is," I replied. "So, I was standing-." I stopped, because Amethyst was pointing behind me.

"Who's that?" Amethyst said, softly.

I turned around and there stood a mare with a pink coat, violet mane with white highlights that flowed like smoke, and wearing one of those helicopter hats that Button Mash wears. Her most eye catching feature on the mare was her eyes. Her eyes swirled within both her pupils and irises. I got a slight feeling that this mare might be trouble, because she looked like a real nutjob from her appearance. Therefore, I instructed Amethyst to get behind me, just incase if something were to happen.

"Hi," I greeted to the mare. "Are you new here to Ponyville?" I asked.

The mare continued to stare at me with those swirly eyes until she uttered a sound.

"D-d-duaghh." she uttered.

"You okay?" I asked her.

"DUAGGH! DAHHHHHH! RAHHH! OUAGGGGHHHH!" she screamed in a goofy way.

"Jesus!" I exclaimed to the screams.

"What's wrong with her?!" Amethyst asked, confused on why the mare was acting this way.

"I-I-I don't know." I stuttered.

"DOYL-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L!" the mare vocalized as she used her right hoof to run up and down her lips.

The mare then levitated off the ground and floated away from me and Amethyst, continuing to make that weird sound.

"Okay.... that was not normal." Amethyst said.

"Geez, she was a real screwball," I agreed with Amethyst. "With that out of the way, where were you headed?" I asked.

"I was just trying to see if anypony knew what was going on, but it seems both of us don't have a clue what's going on." Amethyst replied.

"So it seems. I was looking for Twilight Sparkle." I said.

"Oh, I saw her and Spike heading to Sweet Apple Acres not long ago. They might be there." Amethyst hinted.

"Alright, i'll head over there. I'll see you around." I said.

Me and Amethyst began to run in opposite directions, and I was now on my way to Sweet Apple Acres. Along the way, things were getting more stranger and reality questioning. For example, I was running to Sweet Apple Acres, and here comes this herd of fucking rabbits with legs that had to be a meter tall. Also, when I passed a small garden, every single flower and plant were walking casually like people. At the time, I was drenched with chocolate milk and probably smelled like a chocolate truffle myself.

Eventually, I got on the path that leads to Sweet Apple Acres. While walking on the path, I came across Twilight, Spike, and the other five mares.

"There you are! I've been looking all over for you!" I said with relief. "Any of you know what's going on?" I asked.

"Chocolate milk rain, popcorn fields, cotton candy clouds. Sorry, but i've got nothing." Rainbow replied.

"I have to go with Rainbow's response. No way I can explain my apples growing to the size of boulders." Applejack replied.

"Me too." Spike also agreed.

"I still don't see why this is a bad thing! Chocolate milk rain is the best thing that could ever happen!" Pinkie said in her usual happy tone while leaving her mouth agape to catch the chocolate milk droplets.

"And the animals. Oh, the animals..." Fluttershy trailed off.

"Yeah, I got a good look at them." I replied to Fluttershy's statement.

"A lot of odd events have been going on, but at least I remain dry from this chocolate rain." Rarity said, wearing this fancy, purple poncho with an umbrella attached.

I slightly scoffed humorously.

"What about you, Twilight?" I asked.

"Sorry to say, but I have no idea too." Twilight answered.

"Well, that I wasn't expecting." I admitted.

"But I did receive a letter from Princess Celestia, and it's urgent that we get to Canterlot." Twilight said, levitating the said letter to me.

I grabbed the letter and read it.


Dear my faithful student, Twilight Sparkle,

It is at extreme urgence that I require you, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash to meet me in Royal Canterlot Castle immediately. I will explain everything once you all arrive.

Sincerely, your mentor, Princess Celestia


"Whatever's she's requesting you for, it has to deal with all the these abnormalities." I said, handing her back the letter.

"Most likely." Twilight agreed.

"You want me to come with? I could possibly help out of something." I offered.

"I think it would be safe if you stayed inside the library and wait for us to return. I don't want you getting involved with this type of stuff because it may be dangerous." Twilight warned.

"You might be right about that. Alright, i'll let you guys go on your way now. I'll be in the library when you get back." I said.

"We'll remember that." Twilight said.

I stepped to the side and the six mare and Spike ran off back to Ponyville, presumably the train station. I also headed back to Ponyville, but took a shortcut to get back to the library more quicker. Along the way, I saw that one crazy mare floating in the distance, but thankfully she didn't see me.

Once I got back inside the library, I slammed the door shut and locked the door. After closing the door, I lied on the couch and tried to think of a reason why these abnormal phenomenons were happening. While thinking, I looked over to my right and saw the history book lying on the wooden round table. Immediately, Discord came to mind. I sprung off the couch and snatched the book off the table, opening it to the page on the whole story about Discord. When I looked at the empty image space, it became clear as day.

With all the crazy stuff that's been going on, and the history book stating different events that seem remotely similar to the events i've experience, as well the image being removed from the page, it made me wonder. Has Discord returned? I dwelled on the thought for a long time before I convinced myself the truth.

"Oh no...." I muttered, my mouth hanging open.

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