• Published 2nd Mar 2017
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Land of Equines - Daddy Joe



Who would've thought that being at the wrong place at the wrong time would bring something so surreal.

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The Deal

The Deal
November 10th, 2012

“Wanna head up to Sweet Apple Acres and get more cider?” Twilight asked, waking me.

The clock read five fivty-seven, just like yesterday. I was still a little tired, but I got up anyways. Spike looked like a zombie as usual and bumped into the wall at one point. After I got up, we headed to Sweet Apple Acres once again.

“You think Flim and Flam will be back today?” I asked as I yawned.

“I hope not. I hate to be honest, but Flim and Flam seemed pretty determined on what they were doing.” Twilight said.

“Yeah. That’s not a good sign.” Spike added.

“Mmm.” I hummed in agreement.

When we reached the line, it was a little bit longer than it was this early in the morning unlike yesterday. We waited for quite sometime again before the line began to start moving at a slow pace. Also, just like yesterday, Rainbow was late again. I could hear her audibly groan in the distance. So that led me to believe that she got a nice spot at the end of the line.

Later on, all three of us made it to the front of the line and got our ciders. I sipped mine and I just felt down for some reason. Might as well be chugging down misery. Granny Smith was hammering nails into the broken fence post from yesterday.

“Hi Granny Smith.” Twilight said.

“Howdy-do, Twilight.” she answered.

“You worried about Flim and Flam?” Spike asked Granny Smith.

“Nah, they’re just blowing off hot air. Tryin’ to scare us, but we ain’t gonna have it.” Granny stated.

"But if they were to come back?" I asked Granny.

"Well.... I guess we'll just have to hope for the best." Granny replied.

Shortly after, the supply of cider was getting awfully low again and Rainbow was still pretty far behind. Looks like she won’t be getting cider again. Me, Twilight, and Spike walked over towards Applejack who wore a worried expression on her face.

“Still worried about Flim and Flam?” Twilight asked Applejack.

“Granny Smith said they were just blowing off hot air.” Spike said.

“I’m not so sure. They sounded mighty serious when they threatened us to run us out of business.” Applejack said.

Right after Applejack said that, Applebloom yelled:

“That’s it! Last cup!”

The crowd “Awed” in frustration again and i’m pretty sure I could hear Rainbow yell something in the distance.

“Come back tomorrow everypony!” Applebloom said which only fueled the crowds fire even more.

“Ugh, here we go again.” I said.

"Tell me about it." Spike replied.

Shortly after I said that, I heard something familiar. The sound of the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000. Spike looked at me when he heard the sounds as well.

“Uhhhh, too soon?” I asked.

The locomotive started to slow down and bumped right into the fence post again, pushing it out of place again. Granny Smith looked up with a scowl.

“What seems to be the problem here?” Flim asked as he hopped off the locomotive.

“Oh, my, oh, my. Out of cider again?” Flam asked.

Flim walked over to the back of the locomotive and opened up the back which held numerous barrels of cider.

“What have we here? Who’d like a cup?” Flim said as the barrel plopped onto the ground, causing the crowd of ponies to rush past me, Twilight, and Spike.

“Don’t worry everypony, we have the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 to make more in an instant.” Flam proclaimed while levitating a cup to Rainbow Dash.

I was about to swipe the cup away, but Applejack gasped and pulled out a rope which she lassoed the barrel with. She pulled hard with her mouth, sending the barrel flying towards Rainbow which hit her and made her drop the cup of cider.

“You can’t sell that cider! That’s made from Apple Family apples!” Applejack yelled.

“Is this some kind of cruel joke?” Rainbow asked after stuffing her mouth with the cider soaked dirt.

“Jesus, Rainbow, get a grip on yourself.” I mumbled.

“Don’t worry everypony, there are plenty of apples in Equestria. We’ll find some other and make more cider than Ponyville could drink!” Flim said which made the crowd gasp.

“We’ll make more cider than you could ever imagine!” Applebloom shouted, which got the crowd on her side. Big Mac quickly lifted her by the tail in order to stop her.

“Now it ain’t about the speed youngin’, it’s about quality.” Granny Smith explained, causing the crowd aw in disappointment.

“Who cares how good the cider is if I never get to drink any?” Rainbow asked.

"Rainbow! The world doesn't revolve around you!" I said, frustratedly.

That seemed to knock some sense into her.

“Dooo’h, look at these poor, dissatisfied ponies.” Flim said.

“Ponyville is sweet apple cider country!” Appleboom shouted.

“Our cider speaks for itself.” Applejack stated

“Let’s put it to the test.” Flim challenged.

“Anywhere, anytime.” Applebloom told Flim with a smirk on her face.

I was waving my hand frantically next to my neck at the Apples to tell them to shut her up.

“Now that’s enough now.” Granny Smith said while the crowd was getting more anxious and chatty.

“With our machine, we can make enough cider in one hour to satisfy this entire town.” Flam boasted.

“We’ll do it in forty five minutes!” Applebloom claimed which made the crowd even more excited.

“Easy, Applebloom, easy.” Granny warned.

“What’s the matter Granny Smith? Chicken?” Flim asked.

“What did you just call me?” she asked slowly.

“If you so confident in your cider, than what’s the problem?” Flim egged on.

“TOMORROW MORNING, RIGHT HERE!” Granny shouted the loudest i’ve ever heard her shout.

“Well i’m afraid we don’t have any.... apples.” Flam said while he spat on an apple.

“You can use our entire field! And it's worth it to teach ya’ll about cider making!” Granny said.

“Very well, we have a bet. Whoever makes the most barrels in one hour, wins the exclusive right to sell cider in Ponyville.” Flim said.

“Oh no, she’s gonna do it.” I said to Twilight and Spike. I looked over at Applejack and she looked terrified.

As predicted, Granny Smith shook hooves with Flim and Flam. She might as well agreed on a death wish. Flim and Flam climbed back onto their locomotive and said:

“Until tomorrow.” they both farewelled while bowing.

They drove off into the distance until the locomotive was out of sight. Twilight came up to Applejack.

“Don’t worry Applejack, I know you’ll win tomorrow.” Twilight supported.

“We better, because if we don’t, we’re gonna lose our farm.” Applejack said sadly as she walked off with her family.

“Well....now what?” I asked Twilight.

“Let’s just head back home. Take it easy like yesterday.” she said flatly.

“Alright then, let’s go.” Spike said.

The crowd began to disperse back to Ponyville. I couldn’t believe this community was being torn apart because of cider. Fucking unbelieveable. If it were something important like the holy grail, I would understand, but this is just cider that’s made really well, there’s no need for all of this bickering.

Later that night, I couldn’t fall asleep because I kept thinking about Sweet Apple Acres going out of business. The apple family were the first ponies to ever offer me friendship and kindness and I couldn't bear the thought of them losing their entire business they've worked on their entire lives to some assholes who probably don't have a lick of sense of what hard work is. I wanted to believe that they would win, but something in my head kept saying: “They won’t win.” I probably fell asleep at around two o'clock at night, did not sleep very well.

Author's Note:

Credit goes to M.A Larson for writing Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000.

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