• Published 2nd Mar 2017
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Land of Equines - Daddy Joe



Who would've thought that being at the wrong place at the wrong time would bring something so surreal.

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The Spirit Of Chaos Cometh

The Spirit Of Chaos Cometh
March 17th, 2013

I sat on the couch as the thought about Discord, the spirit of chaos, ran through my mind over and over again. Most of these thoughts involved with what would Discord do if he were to find me, or what would happen to Ponyville if he were to arrive. Discord may seem like a silly, goofy draconequus due to what he has created so far, but I have no idea if he has a dark side to him. I sure hope he doesn't.

While I was sitting on the couch, staring off into space, somepony knocked on the door four times, causing me to jump.

"Caleb, it's Spike. Let me in." Spike said from the other side of the door.

I rose up to get the door.

"Quick, get inside." I said as I opened the door.

I then shut the door and locked it again.

"What are you doing back here?" I asked Spike.

"Twilight decided to send me back here right when her and others arrived at the trainstation." Spike explained.

"Oh, okay. Thought you were being chased or something." I said.

"About that..." Spike said.

"Aw, hell, were you followed?" I asked Spike, with concern.

"I don't think so, but this crazy looking mare with-." Spike said before I finished for him.

"Swirly eyes?" I concluded.

"You saw her too?" Spike asked.

"Sure did. She let out this weird scream at me and Amethyst when I met her," I said. "Did she hurt you?" I asked.

"Nope. But she did follow me for a short distance." Spike replied.

"But she did stop following you, right?" I asked again.

"I guarantee it." Spike assured.

"Good." I said.

"So now what?" Spike asked.

"I don't know about you, but i'm gonna take a shower to get all this chocolate milk washed off." I said.

"Wait. Weren't you wearing a white shirt earlier?" Spike asked as he looked at my shirt.

"Why?" I asked.

"It turned to brown." Spike pointed out.

I looked down at my shirt and it was now a whitish-brown color, since the chocolate milk absorbed into the fabric. I was so caught up with what was happening earlier that I forgot all about my clothing.

"Oh shoot! I gotta get this stuff out before this entire stain sets in!" I exclaimed.

I then dashed up the stairs and removed my shirt. Turning on the faucet for the bathtub, I filled the tub up with a decent amount of water and plunged the shirt into the water. I wringed the shirt underneath the water, causing the water itself to become brown. After letting it soak for about a minute, I removed the shirt and most of the whiteness had returned, but it'll never be the same as before.

"Oh, well, that'll do." I said.

After that, I got into the shower and washed myself off, and you wouldn't believe how much dried up chocolate milk washed off of me. Heck, it even left a brown ring around the tub once the all the water drained. I then put on some fresh clothes and headed back down the stairs, only to find Spike napping on the floor. I walked next to the slumbering drake and slightly shook him to wake him up.

"You okay, Spike?" I asked.

"C'mon, I was napping." Spike whined.

"Napping on the floor during a chocolate milk downpour?" I asked.

"Hey, i'm a dragon. Doesn't really matter where you sleep, and I bet you a million bits that Twilight and the others will find out a way to stop all of this." Spike claimed.

"Whatever you say, Spike." I chuckled.

"But I might as well make something to eat. I'm pretty hungry." Spike said.

"I'll be upstairs if you need me." I informed.

"Alright." Spike replied.

I then grabbed the history book and headed upstairs to read the story on Discord once again. To check on what was happening outside, I looked out the window and saw that crazy eyed mare floating by down below. She instantly caught sight of me and I ducked out of sight behind the wall. My heartbeat began to pulse a bit faster as I pressed myself hard against the wall. I could see the shadow of the mare casting onto the wooden floor as she looked through the window from the other side.

"Is somepony in there?" she asked in a voice that sounded like a mare, but had a hint of craziness in her tone.

A full minute had past before she spoke again.

"Perhaps not." she said again.

The black shadow then moved to the left and disappeared. I sat against the wall for about five more minutes before peeking my head up to see if the mare was truly gone. And thank God she was.

"That was too close." I said to myself.

I slowly raised upwards and went into the next room, where there wasn't any windows. I then laid on the spare bed that was in that room, opened the book, and began to read. And I have to admit, the story is still interesting after each read.

So apparently, long ago, before the birth of Christ, Discord once ruled over Equestria and was doing the same shenanigans that are present on this day. However, two sisters, being Celestia and Luna, used the Elements of Harmony against him to turn him to stone. Now that's just a basic summary of the story. And yes, I know that Celestia and Luna have already mentioned that to me in a previous entry, but I thought i'd just put it in this one anyways for a recap.

While I read the book for a while, I began to get a pretty sleepy. My eyelids would slowly close shut and I would quickly open my eyes for a few times before I just decided to give up and take a nap. With that, I set the book aside and drifted off into a deep cat-nap.


"Caleb. Caleb. Caleb." I heard Spike's echoey voice say in my head while I slept.

But his voice only grew louder, waking me up from my slumber.

"Caleb! Caleb! Caleb! Caleb!" Spike shouted from downstairs.

I jumped out of bed, knocking over a nightstand, and quickly stepped down the stairs.

"What? What is it?" I asked in a fast pace.

"Her!" Spike uttered, pointing at the front window.

I turned my head to the window and there was that mare, floating outside the window.

"He's here! "He's here!" the mare announced from outside the window.

I then grabbed Spike and took him up the stairs into the spare room and closed the door.

"What are we gonna do?" Spike asked, frantically.

"Okay, Spike, I want you to hide in here. I'm going to go out there and confront her myself." I replied, boldly.

"Are you crazier than that mare?" Spike asked.

Right after he said that, the door downstairs opened and slammed shut, signifying that the mare was inside.

"Oh-no, she's in the library!" Spike exclaimed, biting his claws.

"Shhhh," I hushed as I covered his mouth with my hand. "I'll be right back. I promise." I promised, opening the door and closing it.

I then jumped down the stairs and landed with a loud thud. I was expecting to see the mare standing down there, looking for me and Spike, but she was nowhere to be seen. I then slowly walked around the entire library section.

"Where are you?" I whispered, looking all over the place.

"I'm everywhere...." a charismatic, slightly nasally, soft, and wavy voice echoed throughout the room.

I remained silent as I looked all over the walls until I saw two large yellow eyes with red pupils looking down upon me on the ceiling. Before I knew it, everything in the room started to peel off like wallpaper and joined to form a tall figure in the middle of the room. This revealed the actual library, because whatever this manifestation was, it was acting like a chameleon. I kept on looking around as the figure grew even more taller than before. Then... it stopped and began to change colors. Once the colors left, the figure finally revealed it's final form. It was Discord, the spirit of chaos himself, standing right in front of me.

"You see, daddy?" the mare's voice said from behind. "I told you there was a talking monkey inside the library!" the mare said, floating next to Discord.

"And you were not lying. What a faaantastic find you've found, sweetheart." Discord said, using his lion claw to rub the bottom of the mare's chin.

The mare giggled to his touch.

"Speaking of which, have a cookie as a reward." Discord said, creating a cookie about the size of car with his own will.

The cookie landed on the floor with a loud thud.

"Thanks, daddy!" the mare thanked.

"Anytime. Now run along, Screwball, and have some fun out there." Discord said.

Screwball then left the library with the cookie, leaving me and Discord to ourselves.

I was in complete shock at the moment. Discord himself was a towering mass of chaos. He had to be no more than probably about twelve feet in height. After we stared down each other, Discord finally broke the silence.

"Oh, pfffft, where are my manners?" Discord said with roll of his eyes.

He then created a podium with a microphone and introduced himself.

"I am Discord, the spirit of chaos!" Discord announced, triumphantly. "And I must admit that i've never seen anything like you before. I've missed so much over all these years in my stone imprisonment." Discord noted.

I didn't respond at all. Discord, however, looked at me in a confused expression

"Is this ringing any bells? Spirit of chaos?" he asked as he rung a cow's bell.

This broke me from my trance of bewilderment, turning into hostility.

"Get out of here!" I demanded.

Discord reared back slightly to my demand.

"A simple hello would be fine." Discord said.

"Fine. Hello. Now get out!" I replied.

"Oh, come on... why so snappy?" Discord asked.

"I've read the stories on what you did to Equestria in the past!" I replied.

"Those fairy tales? Oh please, that's just Equestrian propaganda meant to fool ponies into thinking i'm the bad guy." Discord lied.

"Go ahead, try it! You aren't fooling me. Explain all that is happening out there." I conterjected.

"Why i'm just trying to bring Equestria back to the good old days, of course. Isn't that just a perfect display of chaos out there?" Discord asked, directing outside.

"No! It's terrible." I replied.

"Mmmm, perhaps you're right. Maybe if I add more chaos, it'll look more better. Some flying pigs, floating structures, tiled grass, the whole shabang. Thank you for the feedback, my simian friend." Discord said, slyly.

Discord then walked around the room and took notice of a picture frame that had a picture of Twilight.

"Are you friends with that Twilight Sparkle and her pony pals?" Discord asked, holding the picture.

"I swear if you harmed them, you'll be one sorry spirit of chaos!" I threatened.

"You are?!" Discord gasped. "Oh, this is absolutely priceless," Discord said, beginning to go into a laughing fit. "Ahahahahaha! Oh, please," Discord said, flatly. "I highly doubt something like you would share the magic of friendship with ponies." Discord said, sarcastically.

"Yeah, well guess again, Discord." I retorted.

"That is so very sad. Such wasted potential for a partner in chaos." Discord said.

"I would never partner with you, Discord! Never!" I said.

"No need to remind me, I can see why," Discord replied. "Now that you asked if I hurt them..." Discord said with a pause.

"What did you do?" I asked with both my fists clenched tightly.

"Let's just say that they're out of their elements at the moment." Discord answered.

"Be more specific." I demanded.

"Oh, it's not hitting you like a doornail?" Discord sighed, annoyingly. "I got rid of their elements and now they're the opposite of what they're supposed to represent." Discord finally answered.

"I warned you!" I said as I brought my fist towards his gut, impacting it.

However, my fist was absorbed by his body like some sort of spongy material.

"That tickles." Discord said as he levitated my entire body up to his level.

He then examined me for a moment before setting me back on the floor.

"Well, it has been a time and a half, but I got lots of chaos to wreak across Ponyville." Discord said.

"Oh, if I had my Igneous-1007, you'd be stoned right about now." I thought to myself.

"But before I go, I need to make you look proper in the new chaos capital of the world." Discord said with the snap of his eagle talons.

My vision went white for a moment. When my vision came back, I was now shrunk down to a smaller height, my arms were covered with black hairs, as well as my entire body.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!" I shouted.

"I turned you into a chimpanzee, of course, but maybe that's good enough." Discord said with another snap of his talons.

My vision went white again and now I was a bit more taller, but still retained the black hairs.

"Silverback gorilla? Nah, that won't cut it." Discord said.

He then paused to think for a moment while I ran around on all fours, trying to find a mirror to see my reflection.

"No, wait, I got it!" he began. "How about.... the mighty sasquatch? Oh, goody, wouldn't that be a treat?" Discord asked, excitedly.

"No!" I exclaimed with extreme disagreement.

But it was too late. With the snap of his talons a third time, I was turned into the mythical sasquatch. My entire body was covered with shaggy, dark brown hair and my face was now more gorilla like, also retaining my bipedalism.

"Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhh!" I screamed as I examined myself in horror.

"I found the mighty sasquatch, I found the mighty sasquatch, I found the mighty sasquatch!" Discord repeated in a sing-song voice while prancing around in a circle.

"Turn me back to human form, right now!" I demanded, loudly.

"Why should I do that? You wouldn't fit in the chaos capital of the world, and you want to fit in the chaos capital of the world, right?" Discord asked with puppy eyes.

"No! I don't want to be a part of the chaos capital of the world, and I don't want to be a sasquatch for the rest of my life!" I replied, angrily.

"I've tried, but I failed," Discord sighed. "Well, then, pretend I was never here. I let myself out." Discord said as he walked towards the door.

"DISCORD!" I boomed, running after him.

Discord stopped for a second before he could open the door.

"Wait! Stop for a second." Discord said, holding a stop sign infront of me.

He then turned around to look at me.

"You wouldn't of happen to come from a world that has more of your species?" Discord said, leaning his head towards me, raising one of his eyebrows while the other remained down.

"N-no..." I stuttered my answer.

"I think you did." Discord replied, staring at something behind me.

I turned my head and saw a lie detector machine that read "Liar-Liar, pants on fire."

"Let me access your memories to see what this world looks like." Discord said as he reached for me.

"Get away!" I shouted, trying to run away.

Discord grabbed my abdominal area and created a small television set that played static at first. He then put a small antenna cap on my head and the video of a foggy, grey, New York City began to appear on the screen. On the screen, I could see people, families, and children walking along the sidewalks. The thought of Discord entering my homeworld and wreaking chaos was absolutely unbearable. I closed my eyes tightly to try and think of other thoughts, but to no prevail.

"No..." I said, softly.

Discord eyed the screen closely for a moment before making the antenna and television disappear into thin air.

"Bah! Your world looks grey and depressing as it is. There's no need for chaos there." Discord said with rejection.

He then settled me back on the floor.

"Well, in that case, here's a brief brochure for the chaos capital of the world," Discord said, handing me a brochure with a picture of him giving two thumbs up with a chaos wreaked Ponyville in the background. "Toodaloooo." Discord farewelled in a sing-song voice and a wave before heading to the door.

When he got to the door, Discord simply just walked right through it, causing the door to shatter into wooden bits.

With Discord out of my way, I examined myself again. Thankfully, I was returned to my height of seven foot-eight and retained my clothing, but the only downside was the amount of hair that shedded and my gorilla-like face.

"Please have something figured out, Twilight." I said.

WIth that, I headed back upstairs to check up on Spike and to give the all clear.

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