• Published 2nd Mar 2017
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Land of Equines - Daddy Joe



Who would've thought that being at the wrong place at the wrong time would bring something so surreal.

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Catching Up On Things

Catching Up On Things
March 8th, 2013

On the way back to Twilight's library, we came across multiple ponies that have also noticed i've been gone for three months. I just simply answered their questions with the whole studying up in Canterlot spiel. I know lying stinks, especially towards my friends, but I have to keep C.A.M.A a secret and make sure Twilight, the most trustworthy pony I know, is the only civilian pony who knows about it.

Ponyville hasn't really changed over the course of three months, but like I said before, spring is taking its rightful place. The sun was shining high in the sky, green grass is beginning to sprout from the ground, flowers are on the verge of blooming and displaying their vibrant colors, and the trees are finally growing leaves again. Besides from the environmental changes, the aroma of wet soil filled the air, so it must've been raining here earlier. Not important, but I thought it would be a nice little descriptive tidbit.

But anyways, after our walk back to Twilight's, Rainbow Dash insisted that I should go first for some reason.

"Give Caleb some room. Let him go first." Rainbow said to the four mares and Spike.

"Why should I go first?" I asked.

"Just being polite." Rainbow replied.

"Hmmmmm." I said while rubbing my chin.

I then headed to the lowest window next to the door and peeked into it, only to find that the window shade was down.

"Damn, they thought of everything." I whispered to myself.

I walked back over to the door while eyeballing Rainbow, who had her forelegs crossed as she slowly flapped her wings in the air. When my hand went for the doorknob, I could hear Rainbow stifling a laugh.

"What's so funny?" Applejack asked Rainbow.

"No, shhhhh!" Rainbow hushed.

I slowly went for the doorknob once again and Rainbow was starting to crack up again.

"Don't laugh, Rainbow!" I laughed as I took my hand off the doorknob. "If you laugh, then it only makes my hunch of a bad feeling only increase." I said.

"No, no, its nothing, I just thought of something really funny." Rainbow excused.

I then placed my hand back on the doorknob and began to slowly turn it to the left.

"Whatever you say, Rainbow. I'll be ready fo--" I jinxed myself.

"SURPRISE!" Pinkie's high-pitched voice shouted from inside the library.

"HOO!" I exclaimed in startlement.

For a split second, I could see Pinkie Pie behind a light blue cannon that was a bit smaller than her. Once that split second past, the cannon let out a squeaking sound as it fired and my vision was blinded my small pieces of confetti and streamers that were fired out of the cannon's muzzle. I flinched and closed my eyes in response. I slowly opened my eyes and Pinkie was on the verge of laughing while Rainbow was dying back there.

"Gotcha!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"You should see yourself!" Rainbow said as she laughed.

I looked down and the frontside of my shirt and pants were coated with confetti, and streamers that draped over my shoulders and on my head. I began to laugh along with Pinkie and Rainbow as well.

"Dang! Got me good there," I said, picking pieces of confetti off my face. "I'm guessing you two are big pranksters?" I asked Pinkie and Rainbow.

"You betcha." Rainbow replied, wiping a tear from her eye

"The prankster duo." Pinkie added.

"I could see Pinkie doing something like this, but not you, Rainbow. I mean geez, you're tearing up from this." I said.

"Oh, i'm a huge prankster, Caleb," Rainbow said. "And it's not tears, it's humor water." Rainbow corrected.

I scoffed to her correction.

"You should've seen the prank she pulled on Gilda." Pinkie brought up.

"And who would that be?" I asked.

"She's just an old friend. We don't really hang out anymore." Rainbow answered.

"Moved away?" I asked her.

"Nah, just some complications between her and my friends." Rainbow replied, directing her hoof towards the five mares and Spike.

"Ah, I see." I understood. "So, are we having a party or something?" I asked Pinkie.

"I can whip one up right now if you'd like!" Pinkie offered.

"No thanks, but thanks for considering it." I replied.

"Okey-dokey-lokey." Pinkie said.

"But maybe we could hang out and catch up on things inside." Twilight suggested.

"Sounds good." I said.

I, being the true polite one, opened the door to let them inside, giving Rainbow a look that says, "I really hate you", but in a friendly way as she flew inside. She replied by giving me a little smirk.

"What about all this leftover confetti and streamers?" I asked Pinkie.

"My bad." Pinkie replied.

Within the blink of an eye, Pinkie literally became a blur as she cleaned up all the small pieces of confetti at speeds that you would most likely see in a cartoon.

"Done." Pinkie chirped.

"Um.... where did all of that go?" I asked Pinkie.

"Where I keep almost everything else." Pinkie said, pointing her hoof at her poofy mane.

"I-I guess that works." I stuttered.

Pinkie grinned at me in response and trotted inside the library.

"How does that even work?!" I thought to myself as I closed the door.

After having my mind get twisted in a knot, I sat my backpack and duffle bag next to the couch and slouched into one of the couch cushions.

"Any of you guys want something to drink?" Twilight asked everypony.

"Nah." we all replied.

"So tell me guys, what's been going on since I was gone?" I asked.

"To be honest, not much really went on around here in Ponyville." Twilight said.

"Really? Nothing new went on here in the course of three months?" I asked.

"She's pretty much spot on." Spike agreed.

"Uh-huh." the five mares said in unison.

"Well, that's a bit anti-climatic," I said. "Did you guys do anything outside of Ponyville?" I asked them.

"Oh, we were in the Hearth's Warming Eve play. Remember that in the letter we sent you?" Twilight asked.

"Oh yeah, right," I remembered. "Sorry, I couldn't go, because the teacher had me study hard that night, but he was still kind enough to give me the letter you guys sent me." I said.

"That's alright." Twilight said.

"What were your guy's parts?" I asked the six mares.

"Well, first of all, I was the noble narrator." Spike boasted.

"Nice, nice." I said.

"I played the part of Clover the Clever; the advisor of Princess Platinum." Twilight said.

"And apprentice of Star Swirl the Bearded." I added on.

"That too. You really do know your Equestrian history well." Twilight complimented.

"Three months worth takes its toll on you." I said.

"And I was the elegant Princess Platinum." Rarity said.

"Elegant? She viewed the other races to be less superior and saw unicorns as the true master race. Quite a bitch if you ask me." I contradicted.

"By elegant, I meant her attire." Rarity said.

"Oh.... my bad." I apologized.

"But otherwise, she was quite unfair to the Earth and Pegasi race." Rarity agreed

"Hey Caleb." Spike said.

"Yes?" I asked.

"What's bitch supposed to mean?" Spike asked.

"It's just a term us humans use to describe an unlikeable female." I answered.

"Oh my." Fluttershy uttered

"Huh. I never knew that." Twilight said, writing my definition in a notebook.

"Got any other words like that?" Rainbow asked.

"We do... but i'd prefer not to tell because they're pretty vulgar and rude." I said.

"Oh, come on!" Rainbow whined. "I could use a few more good insults in my vocabulary."

"No, no, I don't think so. I know you personality, Rainbow Dash." I said.

"Fiiine." Rainbow said.

"What about you, Pinkie Pie? What was your character in the play?" I asked.

"I got to play as Chancellor Puddinghead; the leader of the earth pony tribe." Pinkie Pie said.

"I figured that." I said.

"Really? What made you think that?" Pinkie asked.

"In the history book, Puddinghead kinda looks like you. She has a shade of light pink for her coat and almost a similar manestyle to yours, but the colors were red and orange rather than your mane color." I said.

"Y'know, she does kinda look like me. Maybe she's an ancient relative." Pinkie gasped.

"She might be," I shrugged. "Who got the part as Puddinghead's secretary?" I asked.

"That would be me. I got the role as Smart Cookie." Applejack replied.

"Smart Cookie seemed like the polar opposite of Chancellor Puddinghead. Cookie was more... rational and collective. Not trying to say that you're not that, Pinkie." I said.

"No need to worry, Caleb." Pinkie said.

"And I can already guess who got the role of Commander Hurricane and Private Pansy." I said.

"That would be me and Rainbow." Fluttershy spoke up.

"Heh, the best pair of them all." Rainbow said.

"Just like Puddinghead and Pinkie, both of you share similar personalities to your roles." I said to Rainbow and Fluttershy.

"We sure do. That's why we chose to participate in the play." Fluttershy agreed.

"Pretty coincidental how you six are somewhat similar to the six founders of Equestria," I said. "Those six ponies defeated the ancient windigos, and you six basically saved Equestria from eternal night and Nightmare Moon." I compared.

"I know, right?" Twilight agreed. "Thankfully, that's the biggest challenge we've faced so far." Twilight said.

"So, other then your parts, how did the rest of the play go?" I asked.

"It went great. There was a large attendance, nopony messed up any lines, well acted, and was one a performances at the Hearth's Warming pageant." Twilight replied.

"Awesome! Win anything?" I asked.

"No, it was just something we seven participated in." Twilight said.

"Oh, okay." I said.

"What about you? What did you do to spend your Hearth's Warming Eve?" Fluttershy asked.

"Me? I just studied, read the letter from you guys, chugged down a carton of eggnog, and passed out." I said.

"Woah, be careful, Caleb. Too much alcohol can really mess up your liver." Twilight warned.

"I know, but that was my first and only time I plan on having an alcoholic beverage." I assured.

"Well, that's good news." Twilight said with a sigh.

"Anything else go on here while I was gone?" I asked.

"WInter Wrap Up was put into effect a week ago." Twilight replied.

"Yeah, a royal guard was telling me about that." I said.

"Why in the world would a royal guard need to defend a school? Don't they only defend the Canterlot castle?" Rarity asked.

"No, I came across one walking the streets while I was taking a break." I said.

"Oh, of course, what am I thinking? I guess some guards have to defend the city as well." Rarity said.

"That's alright. Now how exactly do ponies make the transition from winter to spring? Back in my world, winter transitions to spring from the earth tilting downwards." I said.

"Alright, so there's three teams: Weather, Animals, and Plants." Twilight began.

"The weather team's duty is to heat things up, cloudbust, and melt all the snow." Rainbow Dash said.

"The animal team's responsibility is to wake every critter, small and large, from their long hibernation." Fluttershy said.

"And the plant team is responsible for clearing snow from the fields and planting seeds for the crops." Applejack said.

"And all of this gets done in one day?" I asked.

"You betcha. Start at the crack of dawn and work until the job's done." Applejack replied.

"You guys sure work fast. Sometimes it takes an extra month or two for it warm up in my world, but that's mostly because I live up in the northern region of America. " I said.

"The southern region's probably warm up faster." Applejack said.

"Oh, hell yeah. Temperatures for a southern winter can stay in the sixties or seventies." I said.

"Lucky them." Rainbow said.

"No kidding. Then you got me who lives up Wisconsin, getting my car stuck a foot of snow." I said.

The sentence I stated brought the Defender into my mind. Completely forgot about it.

"Speaking of cars, is the Defender still outside the library, Twilight?" I asked.

"Nope. They sold it for extra bits." Rainbow Dash kidded.

"Very funny, Rainbow. You ain't foolin' me." I said.

"She's just joking. It's right out back." Twilight said.

"Uhhhh, where's the fuel pump fuse?" I asked.

"The little blue chip?" Spike asked.

"Yes." I said.

"I set it on the wooden round table." Spike said, pointing his index claw at the table.

"Thanks, Spike." I thanked.

I rose off the couch and walked over towards where Spike pointed. Just like he said, the little blue chip was sitting on the front of the roundtable.

"Whatcha' gonna do?" Rainbow asked.

"Start it up." I replied.

"I'll come with you." Rainbow said.

"Kay' then. Anypony else?" I asked.

"We'll wait for you in here." Twilight replied.

"And, darling, I just wanted to let you know I cleaned all that dirt off your Defender." Rarity said.

"Thanks, Rarity! Too much dirt for ya?" I said.

"Oh, it was absolutely filthy! I cannot stand that much dirt!" Rarity shuddered.

"That's Rarity alright." Applejack said.

Me and Rainbow Dash then walked outside to the Defender which was parked out back. I was surprised to see that the Defender now had a frost white body color rather than that brownish-cream color, which was actually dirt and dust debris. I guess the previous owner was an offroader.

Rainbow began to examine the Defender from the wheels-up.

"Sooo, what is this thing supposed to be?" Rainbow asked in skepticism.

"It's called an automobile, or a Land Rover Defender. Something that the portal dumped into this world." I replied.

"The same one you came through?" Rainbow asked.

"Yep. And I have a feeling that the portal is still active back in my world and is dumping stuff from my world into this one." I said.

"That's weird." Rainbow said.

"But, dang, this thing looks like pure gold now! Rarity sure did a good job at cleaning it." I admitted, opening the driver door.

I sat in the driver seat and Rainbow peered her head to check out the interior.

"Two hundred KMH?" Rainbow asked.

"Ah, the Defender must not be American. Two hundred kilometers estimate to.... one hundred and twenty miles per hour." I said.

"Ha! Still not as fast as me." Rainbow bragged.

"Oh, definitely. It would be pretty hard to steer this at the speed of sound," I said. "Now let's start this thing up."

I took the fuse and inserted into the designated slot on the fuse box. My feeling of anticipation drained immediately when the Defender's engine turned over for about three seconds before dying. I pulled the fuse out and tried again, but to no avail.

"Rrrrr, c'mon you!" I growled.

"Pure gold, eh, Caleb?" Rainbow asked, sarcastically.

"Shit..." I whispered under my breath. "What are you going to do when you go out in the Everfree at night? Simply walk and carry all of that equipment?" I thought to myself.

"So now what?" Rainbow asked, breaking me from my thoughts.

"Okay, okay, Rainbow, i'm going to open up the front hood and I want you to look at the engine. Check to see if a yellow magic aura manifests around it when I try to start it up." I instructed.

"On it." Rainbow replied.

I then flipped the hood switch and Rainbow lifted it up, revealing the engine.

"Ready?" I asked.

"When you are." Rainbow replied.

I inserted the fuse back into the slot and the engine turned over once again, dying just a quick as it turned over.

"Yep! There was definitely an aura, but it's really faint!" Rainbow exclaimed.

"Good. That means the residual magic is still there." I said.

My guess why the Defender wouldn't start is because its been sitting here for about three months without any use, or the magic could've been fading for the same reason.

"I think we might need Twilight's help." I concluded.

"I'll get her." Rainbow said.

Rainbow quickly flew back into Twilight's library for her. Shortly after, Rainbow came back with the rest of the mares and Spike.

"What's the problem?" Twilight asked.

"I think the residual magic is wearing off." I responded.

"Mmm, I figured that might happen, but I wasn't sure," Twilight said. "Don't worry, i'll give it the little kick that it needs."

"Thanks, Twilight." I said.

Twilight began to work her magic on the ignition switch and filling the oil and gas tanks up just to be safe.

"This better work." I said to Applejack.

"Why can't ya just walk?" Applejack asked.

"It's just the convenience, and this thing can cover a mile in thirty seconds if I were to get it that fast." I replied.

"That quick?" Applejack asked, flabbergasted.

"That's right." I said.

"I think it's pretty neat-o." Pinkie said. "Its got little eyeballs on the front!"

"They're actually headlights, but I like your imagination, Pinkie." I said.

"Thanks!" she replied, happily.

"Okay, Caleb. It should be ready now." Twilight said.

"Now let's see if this'll work." I said.

Once again I sat in the driver seat and inserted the fuse. The engine began to turn over faster than before and out of some miracle, it started.

"There we go. That's my girl." I said.

I let my foot off the clutch and used my right foot to repeatedly rev the engine with the accelerator. Fluttershy jumped to the sudden loud sound and covered her ears.

"Y'alright?" I shouted over the engine.

"It's a bit loud." Fluttershy replied.

"I think it sounds awesome!" Rainbow shouted

"Sorry," I said, shutting off the engine and closing the door. "At least I know that it works now and thanks again, Twilight. Don't know what i'd do without you."

"Why you're quite welcome, Caleb." Twilight replied.

"Ahem!" Rainbow cleared her throat.

"And thank you, Rainbow Dash." I said.

"No prob." Rainbow replied.

"Alright, let's head back inside." I said.

"Actually, I have to go get Sweetie Belle from Sweet Apple Acres." Rarity said.

"I'll come with ya." Applejack said.

"And I have to leave because it's lunchtime for all the animals." Fluttershy said.

"I have to finish a big order of cupcakes." Pinkie said.

"And I have to.... chillax for a while." Rainbow said.

"Oh, no problem, guys. You go do your things and i'll see you another time." I said.

"Thanks, Caleb." they replied.

"But before you go, just wanted to say thanks for seeing me again." I thanked.

"What are friends for?" Rainbow said.

"Right. We'll i'll see you all around." I farewelled.

We then got into another big group hug before parting out ways for the rest of the day.


10:28 PM

For the rest of the day, I pretty much lounged around and enjoyed life. Later on that night, while Spike was fast asleep, I began to unpack my C.A.M.A uniform, camouflage outfit, and first aid kit. Twilight took notice to my unpacking and checked out my new stuff.

"That your uniform?" Twilight asked.

"Uh-huh. Pretty sweet lookin' ain't it?" I asked.

"Yeah, I like all the... black?" Twilight said, sheepishly.

"Night Hunter said C.A.M.A wanted to use as much black as possible so that I could blend in with the darkness of night." I clarified.

"That makes more sense, and a very smart decision. What about the camo outfit?" Twilight asked.

"That's for when i'm staking out any creatures and hiding in foliage. Helps out with the tactic." I said.

"Sounds pretty intense." Twilight said.

"Nah, those Timberwolves don't scare me as much as they used to. Like Night Hunter said, they're just giant pussycats when they see something bigger than them," I teased. "I mean, just take a look at me. Would you go up against a seven foot-eight human?" I asked, standing up in front of Twilight, who looked up at me.

"I gotta admit, you are pretty intimidating when it comes to height." Twilight admitted.

"Heh, I know, i'm scary." I said.

"What's Night Hunter like?" Twilight asked.

"Why? Gotta crush or something?" I teased her.

"No!" Twilight exclaimed.

"I'm just messing with you," I assured. "Night Hunter is like the old, wise pony that is full of wisdom and experience since he was the previous patrol pony in the Everfree Forest. He has a temper, but that's only if you disobey him or mess up something really important. Otherwise, he's really likeable and is a good friend too." I said.

"That's good. Glad to see that you're making new friends in Equestria," Twilight said with approval. "What day is your first night?"

"Monday night. Tomorrow I think i'll lay low and Sunday i'll have to go into the Everfree and check for any tracks or signs of Timberwolves in the vicinity, and that night I have to go out into an open field east of the Everfree Forest to pick up a shipment of the weapons and devices i'll be using." I said.

"You know how to use them?" Twilight asked in concern.

"I got them down packed." I replied.

"Okay. I'm just looking out for you." Twilight replied.

"And I appreciate that. Thank you." I said.

"Anytime," she said. "Well, i'm going to be heading off to bed." Twilight yawned.

"Kay'. See you in the morning." I replied.

And so, I finished unpacking and headed upstairs to catch some zzz's.

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