• Published 2nd Mar 2017
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Land of Equines - Daddy Joe

Who would've thought that being at the wrong place at the wrong time would bring something so surreal.

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August 7th, 2013

Yesterday, I was messing around with the video camera and tested it out by doing a little tour video of the Golden Oak Library. It turns out that unicorn's are capable to conjure up a spell that is relatively similar to the way a video camera works, except it's more of playback of reality. For example, if an event happened a few minutes beforehand, the unicorn that witnessed the event can use the playback spell to create a levitating screen comprised of magical energy and the rest is explanatory. The Tracfone managed to stump Twilight at some extent because she never heard of a method or spell to talk to people from a long distance. The only Equestrian method similar to cellphones are journals or textbooks that have been modified with a instant message spell. Other than that, I moved everything I collected from the house into the library, and Twilight helped me organize everything. Not sure if she was doing out of courtesy or out of impulse, but there's nothing wrong with a little help.

So, later on during yesterday, a little thought came to my mind. It was completely out of the blue, but I remembered that Lyra had me stop the Defender so that she could draw it; back in December of 2012. She requested this because she on this human documentation fix at the time. Lyra is absolutely fascinated and obsessed with our species, but you probably already knew that. With all this new technology, I felt confident that Lyra would be interested and checking them out and documenting them as well. That's what led me to her house.

After knocking on the door and waiting, Bon Bon was the one to open the door. Her eyes shifted downwards and noticed the camera bag that rested against my side.

"Hey there, Caleb! What's in your bag?" Bon-Bon asked.

"I found some things that Lyra might want to look at. It's stuff from Earth." I said.

"Okay.... So you brought stuff from this planet, or am I missing something here?" Bon Bon asked again, confused.

"My Earth, Bon Bon. Stuff that was invented and used by humans." I clarified.

"Really?" Bon Bon stepped to the side, allowing me inside. "Where did you get it?"

"Way far east out in the dragon territories. The portal is still going strong back on Earth and it decided to make a little drop-off at, like, three in the morning on Monday." I said.

"It's still active, huh?" Bon Bon aspirated. "Well, I hope it eventually goes away, for the sake of your world."

"I do, too," I said before unzipping the beige bag. "I got a portable camera and a mobile phone. Here, check them out."

Bon Bon balanced the items with her hoof as she examined them.

"I'm probably not gonna use the phone at all, but I can get over a thousand minutes worth of video footage on the camera." I said.

"These are pretty cool. Lyra is definitely going to love these." Bon Bon said.

"Where is she? Lyra Heartstrings!" I called out.

The sound of shuffling came from upstairs, followed by hoofsteps.

"She heard you." Bon Bon noticed.

Lyra poked her head around the corner at the top of the stairwell and looked down at me.

"I thought I heard the voice of Caleb Barlow," She trotted down the stairs and fluffed her messy mane, gleeful of my presence. "What's up with you?"

"I brought over some human stuff that I thought you might like." I said.

It took a second, but Lyra's eyes lit up with excitement and surprise as she marveled over the camera and phone.

"Are... are those what I think they are?" Lyra stammered.

"Mm-hmm. Human technology." I said.

"Oh my goodness! Bon Bon, these are perfect for my submission to the Equestrian Society of Anthropologists!" Lyra cheered.

"And I applaud you, Lyra. Now that Caleb is here, you get the rest of the information you need." Bon Bon said, walking into another room.

"That's what I was planning. Thanks, Bonnie!" Lyra chirped.

"Its Bon Bon, Lyra." Bon Bon said from the other room.

"What kind of information do you need from me?" I asked Lyra.

"I need your help on the aspects of human culture. I never really got around to ask you because I've been busy with everything else. What do you say?" Lyra said.

"Sure. I'll do my best to answer each question." I replied.

"Thanks! You're the best!" Lyra said with a squeak. "C'mon, I'll take you up to my study area."

I then followed Lyra upstairs and into a small room that made me feel cramped. Papers that illustrated the male human body, such as skeletal, internal organs, and etcetera were pinned on the wall, above the small work desk. I was quite impressed with the relatively professional and scientific illustrations.

"Wow, you're a way better drawer than I am." I complimented.

"Those are the final illustrations. The drafts are in the trash can over there." Lyra pointed out the overflowing trash can with crumpled paper.

"Yeah, I can see that," I said. I then eyed onto the more explicit illustration of the male human body. "How the heck do you know what a human penis looks like?"

"Funny story, actually. While you were in that unconscious state in the hospital, I happened to drop in to check on your well being when the hospital staff had to remove your clothing due to your abnormal growth. The image kinda stuck with me." Lyra explained, seeming embarrassed.

"Right, or else my blood flow would start to become restricted until the cloth gave away." I said.

"You mind if I borrow the camera and phone so that I can draw these?" Lyra asked, levitating the items.

"I don't mind. Just drop them off at the library when you're done," I said. "So, how did you find out what the human body is like on the inside? All of the organs, muscles, skeleton, the lymph things, they all look accurate."

"I actually went off diagrams of chimpanzee's first, and then I went off your body to estimate the size, design and shape of yours." Lyra replied.

"That's a smart idea. And there's chimps in Equestria?" I asked.

"Not a whole lot," Lyra said. "They're the main reasons I got into anthropology. I've always found them interesting in the way they look and are built, but you being in Equestria bring those things to a whole new level." Lyra said, levitating a clipboard and a pencil, but manipulating her magic into the shape of a hand.

"Oh, it's the hand again." I noticed.

"I think it actually helps me write and draw a bit better, believe it or not." Lyra said, twirling the pencil.

"Better than hooves." I said.

"I agree. Now, there's no other chair, so maybe you can lean up on the wall without breaking it?" Lyra poked fun at while sitting in her chair

"I think I'll just sit on the floor," I sat down. "At least I'll be at your level, short one." I shot back, causing her to smile.

"Okay, let's get started. Off the bat, I'm going to assume that humans live in societies similar to ours, but more advanced." Lyra said.

"Very similar in most societies. But America, the country I came from, is the one I'll be focusing on for you questions." I said.

"Why only your country?" Lyra asked.

"Because there's hundreds of countries in my world. Each one has different, uh, cultural norms, beliefs, and ways of life. I don't fully know everything, but I will use a few for comparison of America." I said.

"Norms and beliefs? We'll save those for later... Okay, so how does American society work?" Lyra asked.

"Umm, we are one of the most developed society's in the world. A lot of us American's expect others to do their part for society and work in order to support our economy. There's also a very old saying called 'The American Dream.' If I remember correctly, it's like getting a job, a house, and settling down to raise a family. So, life in America is rather simplistic and carefree most of the time." I said.

"What was your role in American society?" Lyra asked.

"Me? I was still a student in high school and worked at a retail store, so I didn't have a real place in society yet." I replied.

"At this old of an age? Why are you required to go to school if your already do something?" Lyra asked.

"No, the retail job is just for money. Education is vital to be a full contributing member of society. We don't get cutie marks that spell out our destiny." I said.

"Really? How long do you need to learn? You were 19 years old when you came to Equestria." Lyra said.

"It depends on how far one wants to go, but each human starts off in elementary school, then up to middle school, and then finish off in high school for a diploma. The diploma is the ticket into college, which can take as long as one wants. If someone wants go for two or four years, they can. But the longer they go, the more higher degrees they earn in terms of education, which can lead to employment in bigger careers." I said.

"That doesn't sound very fun on your part." Lyra said.

"Yeah, but I had to do it. I was going to shoot for a two-year degree in college and get into police academy, but then I ended up in Equestria." I said.

"They've got police officers in Manehattan, y'know." Lyra said.

"I saw them, but I don't really think they have much reason to protect because I've never heard of any crimes being committed here. Royal guards have it tough, though." I said.

"Okay, now let's go back what you said about norms, beliefs, and ways of life. Can you give some examples?" Lyra said.

"Sure. In America, it is a free country, so any citizen can do whatever they want in their lives. If you want to be a police officer, you can. If you want to protest in what you believe is right, you can. You can do anything you want as long as it doesn't violate the given laws and all that kind of stuff. But like I said before, other countries are different and some can be rather complicated. North Korea is one of the bad societies because the leader is an insane dictator and controlling, the citizens are brainwashed to believe he is all good and barely know about the outside world. There's no freedom there." I said.

"That sounds like a horrible place.... I never would've thought a human could get that bad." Lyra said.

"Oh, I know. Humans can be really terrible if they really want to, but that's mostly a tiny majority." I said.

"How many?" Lyra asked.

"Look, I don't know the exact amount, but it's very tiny out of the seven billion humans on Earth." I said.

"That's good to hear. That's incredible how there's so many, might I add," Lyra said. "Besides that contrast, are other countries all about freedom?"

"They aim for it, but some countries can be restrictive than others." I said.

"What about beliefs?" Lyra asked.

"The two big contenders would be overall beliefs in a society and religion." I said.

"For a societal belief, I'll use a different country as an example. In a country in The Middle East, I remember hearing about a village that would believe that if someone was a descendant from a familiar name within the village, they would be worthy of respect and recognition. If not, they would be outcasted. In America, everyone is accepted in society." I said.

"What about the religion?" Lyra asked.

"That is the belief in religious figures or the afterlife. It's not really required to be in American society, but its something for an individual to believe in. The biggest one in America would be Christianity, which is the belief in an all powerful being named God and his son Jesus; If you're good when you die, you go to a happy place for eternity. But if you die, you go to a bad place for all eternity." I said.

"Do you believe in that religion?" Lyra asked.

"No. I don't believe in it. I think its just some trick to keep people in line and for those who want to belief in something after we die. Just people following a blind person. However, I admire all the fundraising and charity stuff they do for good causes, though, so its got worth." I said.

"Never really thought about an afterlife, but what do I know. We all just live life to the fullest and in harmony here in Equestria." Lyra said.

"Indeed we do." I said.

Lyra continued to write until she finished up and put her things on the table. She then levitated the camera and phone over to her. "Thank you sharing what you knew. I think the society will take much interest in this information!" Lyra said.

"You're welcome, Lyra. Here, give me the camera for a minute." I said.

Once I had the camera, I powered it on and pressed the little, red record button, displaying a small, low resolution screen of the room and the date. I then pointed the camera at Lyra without explanation for a short amount of time.

"What? Is that on?" Lyra asked.

"See the red light?" I asked, pointing at the front.

"Oh! Hi there!" Lyra greeted in a friendly manner. "Can other humans see me through there?"

No, this is just a recording camera. All the footage is stored in here." I explained.

"Gotcha." Lyra said.

"So, this Lyra Heartstrings study area for her anthropology studies." I narrated, recording the various anatomical drawings.

"It took me weeks to get these right." Lyra noted to the camera.

"Yeah, so, now that I showed you the human crazed pony, I'll hand this over to her and I'll see you next time and check out the Everfree Forest." I said, turning off the camera and giving it to Lyra.

"How come you talk to the camera as if its to an audience?" Lyra asked.

"Do I? It must be a subconscious habit or something. Either way, it'll make great material if I ever find a way back to Earth." I said.

"If you were to somehow able to leave Equestria, you'd still come and visit, right?" Lyra asked.

"If I had some way to come back and forth between the worlds, I definitely will. Don't worry, I'll be sticking around in Ponyville for a long time." I said.

"No, I was just wondering. I'd hate to see you go." Lyra said, dearly.

"So, are you all good for now?" I asked one more time.

"I am one-hundred percent okay. I'll be sure to submit this information as soon as possible so that the diagrams can be integrated into the medical facilities. Y'know, incase if you get broken bone and need medical help." Lyra said.

"Thanks, Lyra. No really, thank you. I didn't think about that at first. If I ever get seriously hurt and live, I'll be obliged to consider you my lifesaver." I said.

"No problem. I'll talk to you again soon, okay?" Lyra said.

"Of course. See you around."

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