When you can't remember the last several hours, all your weapons and armor are gone, and you're so completely lost that even the moon looks strange, you're probably in trouble. When none of those things is your biggest worry because you suddenly look like a horse that lost a fight with a box of crayons, you're clear to engage panic stations.
This is my first fic! It's a self-indulgent OC-insert story whose plot turned out to be a bit more cliché than I realized when I started working on it. Things branch out a bit after the first episode, so thanks for sticking with it if you do!
Chapters (39)
nice story so far, I hope you keep it up. Can't wait to see how things go.
What is this a crossover of?
7894742 An original setting of mine. I'll admit it's not what most people are going to expect from the tag, even if it's technically accurate.
Are you the one who made the picture?
8012098 I commissioned a friend of mine to draw that, actually. A source link appears if you hover the cursor on it; you should check out her blog if you like her art!
7895664 So, does that mean that this is technically a crossover with an original story of yours?
8043951 Exactly. I still feel like calling it a crossover isn't entirely accurate because it's based on a setting no one outside my circle of friends is familiar with, but it's the closest I'm going to get to "OCs who are/were human but aren't real people from Earth."
8045799 I think there have been HIE fics where the human characters aren't exactly from our same Earth. I've read a few stories where mages, ninjas, and humanoid hybrids are transported to Equestria. Plus, if only you and your friends know about it, it kind of makes the crossover tag pointless if only a selected few know about the other source. Wouldn't it make more sense to add a little note saying, "The human characters are not from the same earth of ours but from a different Earth I created, " or something? But, it's your fic, so you should do whatever you want with it.
8046242 You know what, fair enough. I think the Alternate Universe tag might be more appropriate, so I think I'll go with that instead.
I'm guessing Sombra--patience isn't Discord's thing...
8048992 I was a little disappointed after I finished this one when I realized there are only like two or three possible guesses for who it might be, but I don't feel like that detracts from it all that much in the end.
8050211 Nah, probably not. If you want to surprise your readers in the FiM-verse ya gotta go with something original.
I like the idea of this story, and your writing is good. You have decent 'cliche adventurer' characters set up with nice archetypes and potential for backstories. Yet then you fail to develop a plot. There are literally dozens of fanfictions that follow exactly this formula:
- Introduce new character(s).
- Follow the FiM plot with the new character(s) making pithy one-liners and stealing roles normally filled by other ponies in canon (and generally being superfluous).
- Continue following main plot religiously with only the occasional slice-of-life chapter showing your own creativity.
Sounds familiar, right? If I were you, I would do some brainstorming on what the rest of the world outside Equestria is like. It would certainly be a more appropriate place to drop some adventurer OCs, especially if you want them to develop personalities. There are a few fics that explore this (i.e. The Substitute Demon) and, while they aren't perfect, it is always interesting to see the different attempts at world-building made by different authors.
Those are rewarding to read because they have unique content. Your current story, while well written, gives me no reason to read it because the plot is so identical to the show (and thus inhibits real character growth by your OCs). By the time I'd finished reading your first chapter introductions of the OCs, I had literally read all of the content that actually was interesting and unique to you. Everything else was just empty filler (although your dialogue tweaks were of better quality than most).
Nice story so far keep up the good work
8075084 This is my first attempt at a writing project of this magnitude, so even after a partial rewrite the first episode was always going to be sort of formulaic; my plans for subsequent ones ought to branch out a lot more and give the characters some much-needed depth. Episode 2 will be a good example of what I mean, if you'd like to stick around for that - if not, I'm sorry I couldn't hold your interest. There are plenty of fics here from authors with way more experience than me anyway. Thanks for your time in any case!
I WANT A HOUSE!!
Celestia dammit, RD.
Suddenly, I imagined a classic Pewdiepie scream. I'm not sorry.
Anyways, I never thought a guy overcoming seemingly mundane fears for the greater good would interest me. Nice job.
The start of this story was strong, enough so that this felt fresh despite the basic premise having been done so many times before. Strong characterisation and charm pushed it all over the edge for me, and now I eagerly wait to read more. Thanks for sharing this!
Oh Tank. Stay awesome.
Where was Scarlet at this time, I wonder.
Pinkie?
Amazing story
post Discord already?
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As it's my first fic and I started writing it barely a month after catching up on the series proper, this ended up being of the predictable "the show, but with OCs" variety, but I didn't want to touch on every single episode because it was more than I wanted to write and I figured it would get tiresome and predictable. Unfortunately, what I ended up with instead was these big awkward time skips - Episode 2 was early to mid season 1, and Episode 3 was late season 1. This one is early season 2, just after Return of Harmony.
People seem to like it well enough and I'm still enjoying working on it, so I intend to continue with what I have planned, but if I could go back and start over I would do things pretty differently. Still, I plan on using what I learn from this fic to improve others I'm working on or have planned.
Hello, Mr. Murphy?? We got a live one!!!
Or this Chrysalys is a better actress, or its the real Candance.
You have just invoked Murphy's Law and shall soon suffer the consequences! these crimes against nature must not go Unpunished!
Chrissy didn't replace Cadance... Some how that seems like a bad thing.
oh... now this timeline is getting interesting...
I think the pacing is okay.
Eh, was kind of enjoyable(if a little bland) until the empty settings were handed out. Not my thing.
sequel?
Will there be a sequel?
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I'm glad there are people who liked it enough to want a sequel, but if I ever come back to this story, it'll be as a reimagining - same characters, different premise.
If you wanted to know more about my original plans for the story, check out the author's notes at the end of the last chapter!
Hm, what would be dynamic between the Princess of Love and the Element of Love?
Yeah, certainly worth to explore more, either in this continuity or a different one.
love it so far. guess their from are world just it has magic in theirs?
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same some story's just feel like reading a book version of the show but this one is not.