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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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40 people reading at one time...
nava you beautiful bastard.
Is Celestia gonna show up in the next few chapters and tell him to fuck off and give her his land?
He is insane if he is looking forward to mermaids instead of sea ponies...
While the story remains quite interesting, you are in desperate need of an editor, or at least a proofreader. There were so many errors riddled throughout that it's kind of appalling. My general impression of this aspect suggests the story is growing more error-prone over time.
An editor would stop the rampant errors from detracting from the story itself.
I look forward to Twiggles' reaction towards MC's lack of regard for etiquette
Yep, the minotaur commander was quite a moron in tactic's. Charging trough bottle-neck position at well entrenched enemy= HEAVY losses.
Also wondering how 'oh-so-holy' Equestria will react to this battle... Will they be disappointed at minotaurs for attacking, or disappointed at Zebra's for not 'talk thing's out'? Not everyone has magic-friendship-beam's on them.
I'd have had the General's horns removed and instead of mounting them on a wall, I'd get them set into a helmet for Bakuss, as a token for his victory.
...
Or into a new crown.
In the end of the battle i can only think one thing....... "GG"
HE DID NOT
"most" of the times eh?
Wow Alex isn't being such an asshole this chapter, hurray?
Well written action scenes man I had goosebumps all the time, though I'm disappointed that I didn't see Alex jump down and kungfu the bull that was strangling the mare. :(
Where's Celestia in this story? War must of spread quickly in such a peaceful world. (Unless she doesn't give a shit)
8415941
Agreed the tactics he employed weren't smart. Whilst it was smart of him to weaken the phalanx by using projectiles he should have stopped attacking the moment his numbers threatened to get too low. After all even if he were to win the battle his lossess were definitely way too big to even hope to take over a walled city and more than likely also way too big to even hope at resuming his military campaign against the Zebra lands.
So, when is the friendship police going to arrive?
8416089
Before or after the Sun and Moon Nukes?
8416233
Nuuuuuuu...more like this.
8416250
Meh, personally I prefer the Episode Gladiolus version. It just has a more epic feel to it that fits more with actual battle scenes like the one in the chapter. Don't get me wrong, the original version is good, but I've found it's a bit too upbeat/cartoony for scenes that try to portray the grittiness of a real battle.
Even Alex toned down his silliness for the occasion, and that's saying something.
8416315
Well true, but he WAS thinking about it.
8415874 I have to agree with you that this story is interesting but its just... my god I just cant seem to pin down what I hate about him other than the fact that I hate him with a burning passion. He is so scatterbrained that the few times he does actually have a coherent thought that it gets blindsided by his love for cheese and coffee and other stupid thoughts, its almost like Lord Sheogorath came out of no where, found our unlikely hero, and decided to put a piece of himself inside him for shits n giggles before bouncing off to mess with some poor bastard. No one in their right mind would even let their would-be assassins out from their prison cell to be used as free labor to watch their adopted child, hell that is just waiting for it to bite him in the ass later down the road.
And as for the battle on the bridge, he should have employed some archers on his side behind his wall of pikes, would have plucked a few of the minotaurs down from a distance and those that survive would either have been pelted by a few arrows and be wounded or that they have escaped the arrows unscathed but were then impaled by the pikes. Every army needs at least a group of archers to be behind their shieldwall or at the very least somewhere in the back to provide the frontline a means of support.
8416315 Don't get your hopes up, I bet as soon as he returns to the palace he will be back to his old self.
8416322
For starters, he has no access to archer. The way these Zebra work is that every single tribe has a specific specialty that makes them stand out to the rest of the tribe. Like the Sand Hunters being damn good trackers and foot archers. Why? because they are hunters in trait.
They are basically arranged like in a video game, which is also the prime reason why the Zebra's are currently so weak, all of there special traits are split up into different tribes that have issues with one another. This is like there versions of special talents compared to the ponies, only on a much larger scale.
Also if you don't like Alex then why do you keep reading this?
8416343 Wait, so each tribe has its own specialty that limits to what they can do...wow why haven't they been conquered yet? That is like an overcrippling specialization right there.
And as to why I haven't stopped reading it yet? Its like watching a movie that you know is just straight up bad, but you watch it anyways because it gets a laugh out of you and that you enjoy it even though it is lacking in a few areas. Like for instance Space Balls or Galaxy Quest, two spoof movies based on Star Wars and StarTrek, sure they are somewhat making fun of what they are based off of but they are funny and it gets a rise out of me.
Your story gets a rise out of me because Alex may be dumb on most occasions what with his addiction/obsession with cheese and coffee along with his randomness, but he manages to make the best with his situation and it almost always works out in his favor one way or another. In a world that is ass backwards when it comes to pretty much everything, he knows what is needed, probably knows how to get what is needed to advance himself further, and all the way make everyone else think he is a complete and utter idiot while underneath he probably is a genius who uses stupid as a cover.
That and I am just waiting for him one-up some royalty that would leave them and his own people speechless.
HERESY!
...w-was that a typo?
That's the best part!
Chekov's Gun get!!
This will randomly become important later on.
This "Big Brigde" is narrow passage to Zebrica at all, without any other passages in great distance around?
If yes, then building of fort or better fortress there is really good idea, i think, as it will control this passage and secure it from such attacks. Maintaining siege on desert is really unpleasant thing for any army (time costly and lack of materials for siege constructions) and this fortress could not be ignored, because it would cut supply lines, if uncaptured.
Very good chapter, very powerful. I just wonder if this mean Celestia and Luna would arrive in the picture soon enough, if so in witch side.
And if news of this are spread and print in newspaper later on, I wonder what would it be Zecora reaction.
Also for how happy Susi was there for a second I though she might surprise french kiss poor Alex from sheer emotion
Is Alex gonna try to find someone to be the heir to his throne in the future since he mentioned not having someone to do so ?
And now Alex will have to deal with the chieftains of the other Zebra tribes soon, that means he will probably have to deal with land disputes, rivalry's between the Zebra tribes and there non Zebra neighbors like the gazelle.
And some of the Zebra chieftains might try to gain favor with gifts, resources, warriors, and possibly brides, the last one would probably not make Alex happy, but would be funny to see how he would react and deal with that sort of situation.
8416448
Nope.
well, here's an early congratulations on 1000 likes!
A well written battle it was, good work.
I was like what is this doing on my favorite list and then I remebered...........
Let's just hope he has more technological revolutions in reserve because he'll not get this much of a freebie again.
Maybe he should have given some coffee to the soldiers, too.
Attacking a certain Monkey King?
Later:
Monkey King: "When do we arrive at the capital?"
Susi: "Right before us."
Monkey King: "But there is only a big pile of ash."
Susi: "I know..."
Good chapter!
I can't wait to see what happens next!
Like some others already told: I'm curious if/when Celestia will arrive. And, even more important: What she will do.
We need some muskets up in this!
Great chapter. Rome Total War music went very well with this
8420169
Nice avatar.
8420263
Thank you :)
The Mercedes is a new one. Were Willy and Cookie Monster driving it or...?
That was a very well executed battle scene well done
8416315
8416250
I was actually thinking the same thing. And yes, Episode Gladiolus's definitely sounds epic. Which is why I have it downloaded along with the many other Final Fantasy songs on my list, from Dissidia Final Fantasy to XV. Dissidia have several arraigned versions of the classics, but some like VII's Let the Battles Begin keep their classic tune.
Nava, if you like the classic version of FFV, you should listen to this Dissidia version.
8423147
I like the orchestrated version better, its funnier.
Just my two cents on military strategy going forward. A fortified position on the Zebrica side of the bridge, and a couple small look outs closer to the Minitour boarders. Using either mirrors, or signal fires for communications.
Also if possible always staff your look out posts with Gurkha's as historically it only takes 21 of them to delay an army of over 10K. For those interested in history and famous last stands look up the battle of Saragarhi.
I prefer Egypt to Macedonia in total war. Far better location and your satrapy is loyal.
Empire total war the road to independents where at the end you actually play the United States, I would love to share possible ideas.
Selfinsert bullshit. Selfinsert bullshit never changes.
I’m kinda hope for interesting story because it Zebrica, but no, it Just Another Stupid Selfinsert Fanfiction.
How this used toilet paper roll takes 1k likes? 1k likes for human popadanec story! In 2017! What wrong with you, people?
Drop after chapter 8. And dislike.
8444115
the words fuck off come to mind would you please do so
Aids wouldn't exist, so it would be pointless to worry about that.
STD's only appeared around half a decade ago, and it's rare to contract any disease that isn't from another human.
I mean, when it happens, its devastating to us; just look at the swine flu.
But still, it's fucking rare.
8444115
That feel when you find a comment shitting on a story without context
Oh, no drawn-out one verses one battle of skill for dramatic effect?
I suddenly fucking love you.
flow > flowing
add the
I almost forgot to comment on this.
This is quite the dramatic reaction to the death of someone. A simple "NO!" would have been satisfactory.
and did YOU KNOW
That Grammarly would be amazing for this? Its free and it works on the fimfiction. The add may be annoying and would fuck your interest in it but I'm telling you, it works wonders for grammar. Better than google docs, at least.
If you get premium it helps you with more advanced problems but that costs money so don't give a shit about it.
OOOOOOOOR give me access to edit this and I will fix all the grammar mistakes of the chapters as I read through it.
I'll expect payment.
In love and affection.
But honestly downloading Grammarly as an extension to google chrome would be a lot easier- if you don't want to use it at a specific time you could turn it off without uninstalling it.
Add comma, delete
are...just how strong in numbers were the armies again?
Edit:
Delete hyphen in re-unification, combine power house into one word.
Oh, that strong.
8538509
Your hired. Come back to my office in the morning.
back at
fractured
you should erase the “and”.
prove
asked
entire
noded
erase the more
???
few gaps
erase the “a”
patients
there
there is a lot of “and”s in there.
to
scale
quadrupeds
of besting some
border
on
avoided
off
out of
bull
hooves
mighty heart
widend
stumbled
started
they went on the pursuit??
too slow
as
the
excessive
8416343
so there exactly like the stick war games?