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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hm, I wonder where the real Akadar is being held
Check that titles, names and places are spelled with capital letters,
Look for remaining 'allot' i.e. allot of fear
intents
- first from is unneeded
one of his kin
You, though
quelled
was instead of where
need reworking (removing 'past that' may suffice)
a few
main entrance
I can't even guess at this time what was meant under 'boating'
worried
rebuild
customs
life
overpopulation
it would either need
bid
is a thing even in a desert-dwelling city
Are you feeling unwell all of sudden?
sudden thought
to major - again, like with boating, could not guess what was meant.
to nod and accept
check what tense you use and check in what persond you write
check for missing or unneeded commas and apostrophes,
check for missing spaces or where they are unneeded,
8548057
I had a feeling he was a changeling too but what about the ling? wouldn't he tell Brakus?
8548092
Dunno. Farris has a tendency to be silent when his mistress isn't around
8548081
Can you do it. I am to lazy -.-
8548163
Nope, you did not send me a link to the chapter.
UPD: got a link a second after posting it. Will look at it this evening.
8548166
Well I did now.
Akadar have given so much hints that he's a changeling that the King could spot it in five seconds. Alas, the King is not there right now.
On an unrelated note, Penelo will be his heir. The zebra empire will not be bereft of a strong Central figure after his passing because a being with millennia to live would make a kickass job of keeping her father's legacy alive. He couldn't have made a better choice
8548081
I think he was looking for Bode or Boding, but the entire sentence is off if you switch to those.
8548189
Unless he get the phoenix crown. Then he wouldn't need an air unless he gets himself killed somehow. But its already proven that he has the all might universal plot armor on his side so that wont happen.
That, and he isn't stupid, he might be mad but not stupid.
I mean being a changeling isn't that bad. you don't need to eat or drink, just need affection. (Can't you get that from a cat or something)
What is wrong with Akadar. Weird.
1/10 not enough hooman
Akadar... Obvious 'ling is obvious.
8548458
Why are you all theorizing that he is a changeling? How could you? I never wrote that.
8548463
Obvious.
'Ling.
Is obvious.
I really enjoyed this chapter. Seeing things from the side characters is always refreshing now and then. IDK why but from the past few chapters, I've been finding the side characters more likable then the main character. IDK, maybe I can only take so much inner rambles. Also the fact that he's okay with using the servants as prostitutes for the lings is unsettling. Overall, the story and world still has me enthralled, keep up the good work.
8549753
Well yeah, I do sometimes write this background character focused chapter to act as a counter balance against the main character. He may or rather the world seems to be revolving around him in a rather silly and nonsensical way, but the characters around him few the world allot more serious them him. A kind of nonsense Vs realism kind of sense.
8549851
I think I get what you're saying. A nice contrast between the two.
It's a shame, really. I found this fic interesting but I seem to have mislead myself. I have been waiting for this dude to show atleast an ounce of seriousness. I seem to have been wrong in waiting, because I know now it will never happen.
Some thought. The inner dialogue feels like a filler episode of Naruto. It's for the most part uninteresting. The constant need for the main character to be comedic is detrimental to the story itself and causes the protagonist to be rather boring in the end. In fact, the side characters have more personality and are a joy to read, because they atleast bear some resemblence to a real person.
My prime fault with this is the constant corners that the author digs himself into with the inner monologue about utterly uninteresting and entirely skippable rabble that the main character has on his mind only to say either "fuck it" or "whatever" at the end. One can only endure so many of these moments before you feel as if the world is undeserving of such a poorly acted main character.
The world is excellent. Why does a lame main character have to destroy that?
8550988
Well in the end, its your opinion. Though you cant really say that he is stupid, far from it. But he is a silly crazy mad man with antics and random shit in his head. But you can't fully say that he all about silliness either. He can be very serious with the need arises, given on his many ideas and concepts that he presents to the Zebra's
Yes halve of them feel more guesses and random experiments but that's part of his crazy character, he likes to explore new boundaries.
If his character is too unrealistic for you that's fine. That's what his character is about anyway. He laughs at the ludicracy of reality and places his own shades of colors on them.
At give this more time. The next chapter will be background character focused too. That's why I write them, to give contrast towards the main character. Seriousness vs silliness.
8548081
8548163
Fire me, hire this guy, he obviously knows what he's doing.
(by the way when I said 80% I meant 8% your grammar is actually getting better and don't actually fire me I still want that love and affection sorry about that ;-;)
8553844
Two editors are better than one, so let's combine our efforts!
8554260
Now that I think about it, I agree!
8554260
8554831
You two are spamming the comment section. Leave some room for the rest of us.
8554839
Spam