The Galaxy And The Butterfly Who Loved It

by Frost Flower

Chapter 1

Author's Note:

Minific drabble entry based on the prompt: "I'm not good enough".

"It hurts."

The words leave her lips unbidden yet wanted, a shameful confession that draws blood as it's torn from her heart. Her wings rustle next to her, and even though they barely make a sound, they're so loud to her. They're loud, loud, loud like the silent screaming plaguing her for so long now, she's stopped wondering when it will finally stop.

"I know, sweetheart, I do. But the old saying is true, isn't it? When two get together, somepony else feels their heart break apart."

"That's not why it hurts."

A hum fills the airs and Fluttershy looks up, watches as Rarity stirs her tea in a seemingly slow, listless motion even though there are very little things Rarity does that are not pre-meditated. Maybe if she were Rarity, it wouldn't hurt. Maybe if she were Rarity — poised and elegant, cultured and worldly, a noblemare in her own right — maybe then it wouldn't hurt because maybe then…

"Why does it hurt?" Rarity asks, as she often does when prying Fluttershy open, pulling on the loose threads barely keeping the pegasus' heart together as if she were but another dress from her daily routine. "I can't help if you don't tell me, darling."

"I'm not good enough," Fluttershy forces herself to say, even though it's hard, and oh, it is so very, very hard. "I'm not good enough for her."

Rarity frowns, and Fluttershy forces herself to look away because she has 'the stare', sure, but Rarity has a gaze that seeps into you, sheds away your disguise and forces you to see yourself — truly and wholly with every silly stupid fault coming along for the ride.

"Oh? Says who?" she asks.

Fluttershy can't bring herself to reply. The answer isn't a secret anyway, is it?

"That's what I thought," Rarity continues, but her stern tone does not last long. She sighs. "You're wonderful, Fluttershy, any mare would be lucky to have you."

Fluttershy shakes her head.

No, no, no, no, no….

"Yes! Yes, they would be! it's true and you know it! Honestly, have you forgotten how Flower Tulip was nearly all over you a few months ago? And Listless Heart before her? Deny it all you want, but you are quite the catch, Fluttershy, and--"

"But she doesn't want me," Fluttershy interrupts, almost helplessly at that. "I'm not good enough for Twi--"

She can't bring herself to finish the sentence, because saying her name makes it real. Saying her name means accepting it, means confessing, means confronting and Fluttershy would run to the ends of the earth before having to confront her reality.

"Why are you not good enough for Twilight Sparkle?"

Fluttershy winces, and she represses the desire to shush Rarity. No, don't say her name, No, because the alicorn will somehow know, somehow find out, and then what will Fluttershy do but cower as she's always done. No, please, no, anything but that, please, please, please.

"Fluttershy, answer, please."

Fluttershy straightens herself, though she'd like nothing more but to make herself small, crawl away under her bed where nothing can reach.

"She… She makes me feel… She's so smart," she says, finally, because it was true. Twilight Sparkle was the universe, and the stars, and everything beyond. "She's so smart, and wonderful, and she's so patient with me, and…" She drifts off, unable to bring herself to continue.

"And how, pray tell, does that qualify you as not good enough for her? Are you saying you're not smart? Or wonderful, or patient or anything else?"

"No! I just... I don't know..."

A lie.

Yes, she knows.

Yes, she knows exactly why she's not qualified. She's always known, from the moment Twilight smiled at her and Fluttershy felt differently about it, felt butterflies in her stomach, stayed up awake long into the night thinking of the Princess of Friendship.. She knows, because friends are patient with you, friends wait until you catch up with their train of thought, but lovers shouldn't have to wait for their significant other to do so.

"I'm not as smart as her," she says, finally, though it hurts her more deeply than many things in the world. "I'm not like Sunset Shimmer. I can't talk to her about all the things she learned with Celestia, or advanced magic, or… or…" Her voice catches, and she can nearly feel tears stinging at her eyes.

" Fluttershy, I--"

"It hurts because I can tell," Fluttershy says.

"You can tell?"

"I can tell I'm not like her."

That's what hurt the most, really.

Being aware that Twilight was the galaxy and she was a butterfly, and how could a butterfly expect the galaxy to love her back? Fluttershy hung on every word Twilight said, completely entranced by what she knew, what she didn't know, and no matter how hard she tried, Fluttershy could never quite hold a conversation with her as equals.

"I wish I were like you," Fluttershy whispers, and now tears stung at her eyes.

"Oh, darling," Rarity whispers, moving her hoof forwards to place it on Fluttershy's crossed forelegs. "Darling, don't say that, don't be silly--"

Fluttershy nods, because she doesn't trust herself to speak.

She's seen Rarity before, seen how effortlessly she understands and matches Twilight's wit. Twilight can make a comment on any subject, and Rarity always has a smart reply. She remembers a time where Rarity said something Twilight didn't know, and the look of fascination on Twilight's face, how she hung on Rarity's every word.

Fluttershy tries not to be jealous, but that time… It nearly ate her up inside. What she would give to…

She knows Twilight does not look down at her, but how she wishes… How she wishes that maybe she were good enough the alicorn would discuss something with her, not at her. How she wishes her heart wouldn't sink when she's only able to reply to Twilight with a curious question instead of an additional detail her friend might have missed, might have not known.

How she wishes the beautiful, endless galaxy could fall in love with the little butterfly.

Comments

[Swan Song]

i want your metaphors i want all of them

[the frank]

Beautiful. Have a fav.

[Only2ndplace]

Wow, what a gem of a story.
It's only a thousand words, but the emotion resonates through every sentence.
I don't know, whether you have any idea for a sequel, but if so, I would very much love to hear it.

[bjorn2345]

Why not tag twilight? This looks like a rarishy from someone who is browsing rarity tag

[Pyro Kittens In Suits]

I absolutely love your metaphors, the last one is my particular favorite. Even as a short story, it really perfectly strikes the heart.

[JKinsley]

[Frost Flower]

7768865

7768797
Thank you. It really means a lot :) I'm often worried about being too purple prosey, but I'm relieved to see I used it effectively here.

7768529
I've added Twilight so as to clarify. Thank you for your suggestion :)

7768198
Thank you. I really appreciate your comment. Admittedly, I don't think I will write a sequel. This ficlet was written as a little one-time thing, but I can at least say I will consider it, and if I ever come up with a sufficiently good idea, I will definitely write it out.

7767801
Thank you, Frank :)

7766767
My metaphors are mine! Mine! :0

[Only2ndplace]

7770594
Ah, I can understand that. It's already a very complete story on it's own anyways :)

[Peachy Keen]

Poor Shy. I've had friend relationships like that, where you just wish you could be as intelligent as them so they could have a better friend in you, and it can make a person feel quite unworthy, so I can't imagine how hard it would be to have it be the case but instead be love. Very well done!

[Sun Sage]

As.... someone who was once on the other side of that particular metaphor, I will say... 'Shy, the galaxy isn't nearly so grand as it might seem in that moment. Butterflies don't have to be quick, or grand. They are something amazing, and any galaxy that wouldn't have one would be poorer for the choice. A galaxy can be a lonely place in the absence of that quiet, awe-inspiring beauty. And, frankly? Any galaxy that could harm a butterfly, even unintentionally, is a big, clumsy, lumbering jerk of a.... hmm... I went somewhere there... eh, moving on.

So... safe to say this resonated with me. I can hope that 'Shy's experience moving forward will match the butterfly that left me behind. I believe it will; I believe she'll be stronger, and better for it.

[fluttermoontree]

I’m years late to this, but. I’m in the exact same position as Fluttershy in this story. I love this story so much, I come back to it sometimes.

It hurts.