The Galaxy And The Butterfly Who Loved It

by Frost Flower

First published

It's hard to love somepony that doesn't love you back. It's even harder when you know you never even had a chance in the first place.

It's hard to love somepony that doesn't love you back. It's even harder when you know you never even had a chance in the first place.

Nopony knows this better than Fluttershy.

Chapter 1

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"It hurts."

The words leave her lips unbidden yet wanted, a shameful confession that draws blood as it's torn from her heart. Her wings rustle next to her, and even though they barely make a sound, they're so loud to her. They're loud, loud, loud like the silent screaming plaguing her for so long now, she's stopped wondering when it will finally stop.

"I know, sweetheart, I do. But the old saying is true, isn't it? When two get together, somepony else feels their heart break apart."

"That's not why it hurts."

A hum fills the airs and Fluttershy looks up, watches as Rarity stirs her tea in a seemingly slow, listless motion even though there are very little things Rarity does that are not pre-meditated. Maybe if she were Rarity, it wouldn't hurt. Maybe if she were Rarity — poised and elegant, cultured and worldly, a noblemare in her own right — maybe then it wouldn't hurt because maybe then…

"Why does it hurt?" Rarity asks, as she often does when prying Fluttershy open, pulling on the loose threads barely keeping the pegasus' heart together as if she were but another dress from her daily routine. "I can't help if you don't tell me, darling."

"I'm not good enough," Fluttershy forces herself to say, even though it's hard, and oh, it is so very, very hard. "I'm not good enough for her."

Rarity frowns, and Fluttershy forces herself to look away because she has 'the stare', sure, but Rarity has a gaze that seeps into you, sheds away your disguise and forces you to see yourself — truly and wholly with every silly stupid fault coming along for the ride.

"Oh? Says who?" she asks.

Fluttershy can't bring herself to reply. The answer isn't a secret anyway, is it?

"That's what I thought," Rarity continues, but her stern tone does not last long. She sighs. "You're wonderful, Fluttershy, any mare would be lucky to have you."

Fluttershy shakes her head.

No, no, no, no, no….

"Yes! Yes, they would be! it's true and you know it! Honestly, have you forgotten how Flower Tulip was nearly all over you a few months ago? And Listless Heart before her? Deny it all you want, but you are quite the catch, Fluttershy, and--"

"But she doesn't want me," Fluttershy interrupts, almost helplessly at that. "I'm not good enough for Twi--"

She can't bring herself to finish the sentence, because saying her name makes it real. Saying her name means accepting it, means confessing, means confronting and Fluttershy would run to the ends of the earth before having to confront her reality.

"Why are you not good enough for Twilight Sparkle?"

Fluttershy winces, and she represses the desire to shush Rarity. No, don't say her name, No, because the alicorn will somehow know, somehow find out, and then what will Fluttershy do but cower as she's always done. No, please, no, anything but that, please, please, please.

"Fluttershy, answer, please."

Fluttershy straightens herself, though she'd like nothing more but to make herself small, crawl away under her bed where nothing can reach.

"She… She makes me feel… She's so smart," she says, finally, because it was true. Twilight Sparkle was the universe, and the stars, and everything beyond. "She's so smart, and wonderful, and she's so patient with me, and…" She drifts off, unable to bring herself to continue.

"And how, pray tell, does that qualify you as not good enough for her? Are you saying you're not smart? Or wonderful, or patient or anything else?"

"No! I just... I don't know..."

A lie.

Yes, she knows.

Yes, she knows exactly why she's not qualified. She's always known, from the moment Twilight smiled at her and Fluttershy felt differently about it, felt butterflies in her stomach, stayed up awake long into the night thinking of the Princess of Friendship.. She knows, because friends are patient with you, friends wait until you catch up with their train of thought, but lovers shouldn't have to wait for their significant other to do so.

"I'm not as smart as her," she says, finally, though it hurts her more deeply than many things in the world. "I'm not like Sunset Shimmer. I can't talk to her about all the things she learned with Celestia, or advanced magic, or… or…" Her voice catches, and she can nearly feel tears stinging at her eyes.

" Fluttershy, I--"

"It hurts because I can tell," Fluttershy says.

"You can tell?"

"I can tell I'm not like her."

That's what hurt the most, really.

Being aware that Twilight was the galaxy and she was a butterfly, and how could a butterfly expect the galaxy to love her back? Fluttershy hung on every word Twilight said, completely entranced by what she knew, what she didn't know, and no matter how hard she tried, Fluttershy could never quite hold a conversation with her as equals.

"I wish I were like you," Fluttershy whispers, and now tears stung at her eyes.

"Oh, darling," Rarity whispers, moving her hoof forwards to place it on Fluttershy's crossed forelegs. "Darling, don't say that, don't be silly--"

Fluttershy nods, because she doesn't trust herself to speak.

She's seen Rarity before, seen how effortlessly she understands and matches Twilight's wit. Twilight can make a comment on any subject, and Rarity always has a smart reply. She remembers a time where Rarity said something Twilight didn't know, and the look of fascination on Twilight's face, how she hung on Rarity's every word.

Fluttershy tries not to be jealous, but that time… It nearly ate her up inside. What she would give to…

She knows Twilight does not look down at her, but how she wishes… How she wishes that maybe she were good enough the alicorn would discuss something with her, not at her. How she wishes her heart wouldn't sink when she's only able to reply to Twilight with a curious question instead of an additional detail her friend might have missed, might have not known.

How she wishes the beautiful, endless galaxy could fall in love with the little butterfly.