I write horse words and stuff.
Everyone in Ponyville knows about Lyra's obsession with researching humans, tall, bipedal creatures believed to belong only in the realm of fairy tales.
When Twilight Sparkle comes back into town after visiting her fellow princesses in Canterlot she has a strange tale to tell the excitable unicorn. With this in mind she has an important question to ask her unsuspecting marefriend.
A parody of 'Would it matter if I was?' by GaPjaxie
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*deep sigh*
Here we go again...
This is not a parody.
Every single sentence is either a sentence fragment or just feels so mechanical and detached that it feels like you didn't care when writing it. I would say you were mindlessly trying to churn this out before the original lost all relevance, but even a cursory glance at the date of publication proves that wrong, begging the question of why you would bother writing this.
The characters never sound excited, or scared, or confused, or like they're doing anything other than just repeating the script they've been given verbatim. Half of Lyra's sentences either don't have the exclamation marks they clearly were designed for or are far too long for someone so frenzied and excited.
There's also no reason, in-universe, for Lyra to ask the titular question. She's blatantly only just now heard of the mirror, and even if she's just using that as a convenient excuse to bring up the question, there's a hundred more natural ways to ask that question. Considering this is a story where her human obsession is known by Bon Bon, it would make more sense for her to just randomly spout that question at random one day. As it is, the way the question is introduced robs the story of any ambiguity, which is one of the very few good points of the original story.
Also, toes are not a human-exclusive organ. It would be a perfectly natural turn of phrase in Equestria.
Final verdict: No.
7434981 Ah. Nothing like the fresh scent of a roast to wake you up in the morning.
This was pretty funny. I like the theory that lyra is obsessed with humans.
*sigh* I honestly enjoyed this and kingMoriarty did you know you could give constructive critisism without being a jerk . Is everything you write perfect?
7434981
Toes as we know them aren't human exclusive but they aren't found on ponies, and since the language of the ponies is pony-centric, I doubt they would have picked up an idiom like that from a toed neighbour without ponifying it.
7435098 griffins might have used the word. the variations of griffic terms are not known for mlp as not many griffin are there talking.
aaaand discord.... i think he has said toes at some point,,, mostly he says claw, but expecting him to not say something is as likely to happed as pinkie pie not throwing a party if ponyville was declared 'party town' by celestia...
7435261 Even if it is known nomenclature the likelihood of a pony using it when talking to another pony is relatively low and is likely to cause the shock and further confusion it's intended for.
7435039
Everything he writes is actually pretty close to perfect.
7435261 i think we're looking too deep into this.
7435039
Constructive criticism is constructive no matter how you spin it. Just because you don't like how it sounds doesn't mean it doesn't ring true.
I thought KingMoriarty made very good points, and even complimented the author on what little they did right. Well done on the review.
7434981
Also, to add, random does not equal funny. Forced content is bad.
7435317
7435616 looking too deep? if you dont look deeper than the last to, you never find anything new. seeing as i love to find new things, i can neverlook to deep lmao
7435317 I think you exaggerate.