A lone mare creeps through the darkness with only her quarry in mind.
This is my first posting of fanfiction so I hope you guys like what you read, any comments are welcome and criticism if it is constructive.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 13th Feb, 2016
- offline last seen Aug 30th, 2019
Magenta Gleam
I write horse words and stuff.
Magenta Gleam
Joined 13th Feb, 2016 ·
Offline
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Interesting start to a story. I'd recommend getting someone to take a fine-toothed comb to it. I noticed a few grammatical errors here and there. Nothing that would ruin the flow of the story, though.
I am a little confused as to why the main character is after this particular quarry though. I'll track this and see where it goes.
I like the premise. While I am not usually a fan of 1st person present tense narrative, you made it work. Your prose is good, but you need to watch your its vs your it's. Overall enjoyable tale, hooves up on this one.
Enjoyable, the few mistakes that where there didn't break the mood as I was reading, overall good job.
I like this, i am so unused to the first person present tense, but i really enjoyed this. I also really like the concept and it seems right in character for the show. Other people have pointed out the grammar mistakes but i didn't find it threw me off. Well Done.
Even though I clearly listed the involved ponies I tried to only give slight detail listing who the pony involved was to keep the flow more natural for the first person view it uses.
Sadly I am unlikely to continue this as a chaptered story unless I get a sudden rush of inspiration allowing me to continue, though hopefully soon I'll be bringing out a new series that will be extending past the first chapter.
The detail completely threw me off! Wasn't expecting that ending.
) but still it's cool!
Cool writing, errors bugged me (but hey, that's just my psychotic self
Derpy confirmed for spy.