Pink Symphony

by DragonLS

CHEP: Pink Symphony

Pink Symphony

So here you are, standing on the dock on Ponyville lake, staring out over the calm water. A gentle wind blows past, sending several rogue strands of your mane fluttering idly. Subconsciously, a hoof comes up and grasps the front brim of your trusty hat, keeping it anchored in place.

Two months had passed since that eventful night. Now you found yourself here, once again pondering away the recent past. Beaver going to jail, Pinkie Pie’s confession, and yet despite their differences, everything seemed connected by a string of fate.

Yes, Beaver… Right after Hoof explained everything, you learned that he was captured by the royal guard and taken into custody earlier that day. It was impossible to hold back your satisfaction at the fact that he was now behind bars, serving time for his transgressions.

However, where would you be if Beaver hadn’t done any of this? Maybe still in Canterlot living with your Father? Touring Equestria with your band in tow? After all, it was ultimately your band’s actions that drove you to Ponyville, seeking peace and quiet from that rowdy life.

And yet… all of this went up in flames when Pinkie began butting into your life.

Your vision blacked out instantly as something covered your eyes, making you gasp in surprise.

“Hee hee, guess who?”

You recognized that voice anywhere and calmed down, smiling. You spoke the name of the one pony in your life who you thought about everyday.

Your vision returned, this time with a vibrant pink mare with sapphire blue eyes standing in front of you, smiling from ear to ear. “That’s right! And here I was thinking you forgot about me.”

You shook your head, chuckling to yourself. There was no way in Tartarus you’d forget a mare like her. Your internal monologue was cut short when the mare in question kissed you, your heart skipping a beat.

“I’m so happy right now.” she said after breaking the kiss. ” You make my stomach feel like a cupcake on a trampoline! Or a muffin! Wait, that doesn’t make any sense... Ooh! But you know what it does feel like? It feels—”

“Hey!“ interrupted a stallion’s voice. ”Are you two lovebirds done yet? It’s time to go!”

You turned around to find Hoof making his way over to you from the other end of the dock. In the past two months, he seemed to have gained confidence in himself. He was becoming more daring and more bold. He sported a sharp, pink suit, complete with a slightly darker pink bow-tie. In fact, it was the exact same kind of suit you were wearing too. Pinkie also sported one, but it blended in so well with her fur, you could barely tell it was there.

That’s right… during those two months, you, Hoof, and Pinkie formed your own band, and you were officially out of retirement. Being with those two just seemed to make you happy. With the skills of a A snazzy saxophonist/trumpeter, a gifted piano player, and a daring drummer; everything needed for a heart-pounding band of awesomeness.

Pinkie Pie was the inspiration behind the pink suits. You were against it til the bitter end until she pulled out her trademarked sad puppy dog face. Once that came out, it was a lost cause.

Hoof smiled as he gave your noggin a noogie. “We’ve got a gig to go to in Ponyville, and we’re running late as it is. We can’t keep the crowd waiting.”

You looked back over the lake and then back at Hoof. You gave him a firm nod, saying that you’ll be ready soon. Hoof sighed in annoyance. “Well hurry up. Remember what happened last time we made a crowd wait? It was pure chaos!”

“He’ll be ready soon, Hoof! He just needs more time,” Pinkie conceded, placing a hoof around your neck. “Right?”

You nodded, nuzzling her hoof slightly. “Ah…”

Hoof looked at you two for a moment and shrugged. “Well, just hurry up. I’ll be waiting back in Ponyville, alright?”

You watched Hoof depart before turning your head to Pinkie, smiling at her. She smiled back and leaned in to kiss you again, this time much longer than before. Her mouth felt warm and wet, her lips continually pressed against yours. She tasted sweet, almost sugary but not quite. It was something you had grown to like now.

When you broke the kiss, she leaned against you, happily sighing.

“I love you so much.”

You leaned against her as well, resigning yourself to stare over the lake once more. The memories of days past flew through your head. From your arrival to now, everything seemed to lead up to the here and now, despite how obvious it might sound.

“When it all boils down, I guess I have to thank Beaver for something.“ you added, pecking Pinkie on the cheek. ”It was all because of him that I have you.” You took out the small retractable dagger you used to save Pinkie out from your pocket. With a squeeze of your hoof, the small blade popped out of its casing, gleaming in the sun’s light.

“Beaver was the sole reason I came to Ponyville, and if it wasn’t for him, I never would’ve met you, Pinkie. Heck, I don’t know where I’d be now.

“Everything happens for a reason,” you conceded, stroking your love’s hoof, ”whether it be good or bad. My new life is something to be happy for: a wonderful marefriend, a new band… something I’m fully content with.” You glanced over at Pinkie. She was smiling again, tears of joyous joy running down her cheek.

“I think you’re the one who named it, didn’t you?” you finished, wiping away an errant tear with a hoof.

You threw the switchblade into the lake, its impact making a soft ker-plink. You smiled as you wrapped your hooves around your pink ball of happiness.

“I hope our happiness will last forever… in our Pink Symphony.”

Comments

[La Barata]

Yaaaay!

[Vilehoof]

That sir was a good ending!

[Alondro]

>>>Yes, Beaver… Right after Hoof explained everything, you learned that he was captured by the royal guard and taken into custody earlier that day. It was impossible to hold back your satisfaction at the fact that he was now behind bars, serving time for his transgressions.>>>

WHAT?! Only in jail?! Come on! He committed one murder, arson, attempted murder numerous times, and tried to kill an Element Bearer (which I would think is tantamount to high treason)!

Not to mention he's so crazy he's clearly working for Discord!

That DEMANDS being turned to stone! Though, I would totally throw him to a hydra. Because I have no pity for criminal scum.

[Toynota10]

I knew you were gonna make him speak in the end! But what was his real name anyway?

[DragonLS]

1776554

Well, it stars you and Pinkie Pie, so... your name? lol.

[Alpha Scorpii]

So, it's finally over. Well, this was truly an enjoyable reading

This was also the first Second Person fic I've ever read. A good experience, I must say. Maybe this will encourage me to try with other Second-Person fics, who knows.

Anyway, I really liked this little adventure. Thank you so much for writing it.

[TheLocoPony]

yay

[TheReclaimer]

sniff sniff.........*sobs*
that was the best thing out of all best things in the whole entire things of existing things *sobs*

[Kishin]

Now THIS is how you bucking end a story!

Good job on this! If I haven't watched you already, I'll gladly add you to my watch list. You deserved it for writing such an awesome story!

And hey, you got him to talk!

[Hydraxan14]

You were against it til the bitter end when she pulled out her trademarked sad puppy dog face.

Neat story!

[Colbalt White]

Great story and I'm not going to lie I had tears coming out of my eyes and I'm sad this story ends but I hope you make a sequel about mr top hat, pinkie, and hoof adventures and shennanigans

[Skiddlz13]

Dammit, you got me crying

[Blue Dragon]

Absolutely adored this story through to the end. You did very well, and this is officially my favorite second-person pony story. Can't wait to see more from you, and I was surprised when you made Mr. Top Hat speak. I did a double-take to make sure it wasn't another character speaking.
1776438
If you don't mind my asking, what about ponies is realistic again?
While I do see your point about the fact that he committed murder and countless other crimes, I don't see Princess Celestia as downright cruel. I mean, sure she turned Discord to stone and sent her sister to the moon, but that was because they threatened to destroy Equestria. This pony is petty in comparison, and should be treated as such. Besides, Princess Celestia loves everypony.

[Alondro]

1784172 *Celestia begs to differ as she asks Beaver one question before his sentencing* Do you like, mmmmmmmm, bananas?

[KnoFear]

Keeping the main character silent until the end; I predicted this. An excellent way to pull things together.

[Toynota10]

So you used the name of the story in the story. I wonder who you got that from...

[Flutters Is Shy]

daaaaaawwwww, I am truly glad I came across this story, even if it was only through another of your stories..... this was a very good read, gave me very warm feels, I know you said you were just going to go back to your other fic, but is there any way you could do something in this vein again in the future?
I feel all warm inside......

[Dancing Dead]

1776438

So you prefer to give him a quick death? Puh-lease...

Strap him to a table and place a metal bucket full of rats over his stomach. Then, you take a blowtorch and heat up the side of the bucket, which would cause the rats to gnaw through his flesh and organs and he would be eaten alive... from the inside-out.

An alternative method would be to tie him up with rusty barbed wire and push him into a hole with salt and lemon juice covering the bottom. You could also shove him into the ol' brazen bull, roast that motherfucker and serve him up with a side of hay fries. Putting anthrax in his mail would also work.

Maybe lashing him near to death with a bull whip dipped in rubbing alcohol in the middle of town would do, but hey, kill him however you please.

Oooh~ I almost forgot about the psychological tourment you could unleash upon him. Freak him out and make him paranoid to the point where he just kills himself.

Firing squad, non-lethal rounds (but powerful enough to pierce the skin) covered in the venom of a bullet ant.

I can do this all day, bruh.

cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/31357449.jpg

[Sasha Red]

i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/103/740/Me%20Gusta.png?1318992465
Gj. c:

[Shahrazad]

This story has been reviewed by: The Equestrian Critics Society

Story Title: Pink Symphony

Author: DragonLS

Reviewed by: Shahrazad

Pink Symphony is a story about a stallion trying to start a new life. The premise is quite reasonable and could easily be the beginning of a wonderful piece full of character development. But the clumsy decisions around the story strip away it’s quality until the good stuff is buried under a mound of awkward sentence structures and cliches. None of the problems with this story deal a death blow, rather they kill it with a thousand cuts. I have to recommend against reading this one unless you really like second person romances with Pinkie.

Full Review

Score: 4.5/10

[DragonLS]

2382946

I've read your review in full, and I appreciate what you've done.

Yes, the fic has several problems, I am willing to admit that. An uninteresting storyline, awkward sentence issues, and possibly some easily predictable twists and turns that didn't leave the reader guessing.

But what the hell, I had fun writing this fic. It was unexplored waters I was willing to sail on. Good review, bad review, I am just happy I could at least get a nice, detailed, and thought out review that didn't sugarcoat it to death.

I do have a question, though. There is a line in your review that struck me curious:

"It has no business being in second person. There is only a single, unnecessary choice for the reader at the very end of the story to justify the second person narrative"

As far as I'm aware, most 2nd person stories don't involve an alternate choice, most are usually pretty straight forward with some nice twists and turns. Not only that, but... "It has no business"? I fail to understand what you mean. Are you saying that the fic had a mind of its own and chose the wrong (or its own) narrative? I would love a more detailed explanation on what you mean by those two sentences quoted up above.

[Mr Stargazer]

I feel a strange connection with this fic....wonder why.

[Phoenix999]

So I've completed reading this (all except the option of going after Beaver. I have a sense that ends with a "bad end" and I don't like those...).

I've gotta say this was pretty well done. Not a five star work but definitely a cut above average. I enjoyed it and I hope that you take pride in it

[Tnte89]

Ready the launch cannon...3...2...1...TO THE MOOOOOOOOOOONNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Striker-Z Dub]

loved it

[TobyMontolite]

Pinkie has and always will be my waifu

[Blackshadow The Writer]

Let's get this party STARTED!

[The-Survivor]

Ok Dragon either your writing is just phenomenal or I really like pinkie pie stories but holy crap this story took me through a emotional roller coaster when I first came here to fimfiction and read this and I must applaud you for taking the extra step forward and making a choice at the end for the reader but in my personal opinion I went with saving pinkie in the end because if you don't *gains a dark demeanor*..your just heartless haha

[IMNOTHERE889]

AAAHHHHHH

WHY DO I GET FEELS SO EASILYYYYY