• Member Since 18th Nov, 2014
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

Sage of the Leaf


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It was a confession - one that had appeared to be disastrous. But when you've known somebody this long? And you've experienced so much? What other choice is there, than to move forward? Two girls must learn this lesson.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 4 )

I think we all know what that multi-chapter project is, Sage. :raritywink:

I gotta say, you did a nice job here. You're writing is definitely improving. Just want to point out a few grammar mistakes though:

"But you and I weren't like that. Sure, it wasn't just like it was. There was some awkwardness to it sometimes. But we never stopped spending time together. We never stopped being close. And that was awesome."

"I love you, Rainbow Dash", Fluttershy muttered, panting.

"What are we now, then? Would you want to be together? In a relationship?"

Other than these mistakes, good job. Looking forward to that multi-chap story.

This was a cute little story. Two things that distracted me, however:

The periods were outside of the quotations. Generally, you want to include them inside as an end to the dialogue. i.e. instead of

"Even through it all, you and I stayed close. Kind of".

Make it "Even through it all, you and I stayed close. Kind of."

It's a minor thing, but a bit distracting.

Onto the second problem, you're suffering from "purple alicorn syndrome", where you use a bunch of adjectives to describe the characters rather than their names or pronouns. It's distracting to see "the caregiver" and "the athlete" instead of just saying their names or he/she. It's a big no-no in writing that you should try to avoid.

Anyways, best of luck in your future stories!

Daw, this was precious and very natural, too~ :raritystarry:

I like Dash's explanation of their releationship- about having just 'been'. It perfectly describes what I see in relationships that develop between two friends who are close as they are.

This remains as the first and and one of best EQG oneshots I've ever read. Thank you for writing it.

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