- Member Since 5th Nov, 2015
- offline last seen Apr 3rd, 2018
ChamomileTea
Got bored. Decided to write. That's it, really lol. I mainly write short stories.
ChamomileTea
Joined 5th Nov, 2015 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Extradimensional Alien · 33k words · 52 5 · 3.9k views
- Chelis · 8.3k words · 71 16 · 3k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.084 seconds
Total duration
922 users online
253,760 hits today, 2,139,894 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Seems pretty interesting. Hope to see more soon.
Liked the tf2 reference
Opening up with the protagonist is talking about how he's indifferent to his hardships by implying said hardships has helped him to grow as a person, followed by the things he hates, is generally a good way to get people to dislike him. Not also do the two contradict each other, one following right into the other in the story, but there are enough fanfics that start out with this and have not proceeded to do well. It has enough of a negitive bias that you're going to have work harder than the average writer here to make up for it regardless if you did it well or not.
At first Rarity felt too out of character, but stopping to think about it, the protagonist did manage to paint himself as someone who brings out the worst in her, so hey. The fact I had to stop and think about is a bit concerning. For a first chapter, having a little background to why they hate each other past "She always has been like this," would make it go down a bit smoother.
A good rule of thumb to never assume your readers wll give you the benifit of doubt, ever, because almost all of the time they won't.
No grammar or spellings jumped out at me while reading, so if there are any it's not big enough to break the flow of the story.
Otherwise what I stated, you're fine in my book.
this is going to a good place keep it up i really don't care about all that technical stuff just that the story is entertaining to read nicely done
7311771
thanks, man!
7311891
I thought somebody was gonna catch on.
7311897
Thank you for the input! I'll make sure to check up on that.
7312102
Thanks man!
I hope there is some acknowledgemnt from Anon that she has been a bitch to him. Like him actually saying youve treated me like crap and you just think its ok for us to get together now? That is some messed up way of getting someone to like you
I feel like he forgives rarity too easily. She made the last 4 years of his life hell, and all it takes is a simple apology for them to get together. He goes from being ready to take a swing at her to wanting to see her again in the space of hours.
Still enjoying the story though, keep it up
Yeah, that forgiveness was lightning fast. I dunno, couldn't he take a couple of chapters to think about it? Maybe actually get to know her, let her stew in her guilt for a bit - because hey, four years of hell, right? - and force things into a slower pace by calmly turning down any attempts at forcing the friendship/relationship/whatever to work? But no. His donger's gotta get it.
But his interactions with Gilda are cool, and seem to be the only bright times in what appears to be the most angst-filled town in the world.
Also
Now that's funny
Keep it up!
7327502
It's all set for future events. Thank you for the input, though.
7330805
Thanks for the input!
7313473
It'll all be resolved in the future.
this is getting good i need more dude
How often do you usually update?