• Member Since 12th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 31st, 2016

Gremlin Grenade


E

Hey there. My name's Dave; not Dave Twinkles, or Davebubble, or even Donut Dave. It's just Dave. I'm a salespony, and I live in a little town just south of Canterlot called Ponyville. If that name sounds familiar, it's because, even though Ponyville is a tiny town in the middle of nowhere, we've got something that no other town in the world has; a six little super heroines. Or, at least that's what they say...

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 14 )
Tyr

Interesting, I'm curious as to how this story will progress.
Keep up the good work:twilightsmile:

Interesting, indeed. Very entrancing. Will spread word.:moustache:

785320
peep I love you.


Not sure that "interesting" was the response in general I was looking for (more like friggin' hysterical), but I'll take what I can get.

I>>785664
I love you too.
It is hysterical once you get pass the wall.:rainbowderp: I also must say that you might wanna add more adjectives and excite, as it were, the title a bit, and add a picture.:twilightsmile: that may get it a little more attention than it already is.

785848

I'm afraid I don't know what you mean by the wall :twilightblush:

I may need to commission an image or something, but a large point of the title is how mundane the character is, so I feel that needs to stay.

Still, I appreciate the advice! :twilightsmile:

The Wall is referring to the lack of emotion in the text. This could be improved by adding adjectives, loaded words, or something of the sort.
example1: I went to the market.(has wall)
Example2: I rode the pink train to the Canterlot market.(wall is less foreboding)
Example2 grabs the reader's attention and demands that they read more. Example1 is more like someone glancing over a newspaper.
Still love it though, and can't wait for a new chapter.:pinkiehappy:
(sorry for being critical, I also stuggle with the wall on many occasions.:twilightangry2: It's a serious :trixieshiftleft: sometimes.)

785950

I see what you're saying, but part of the problem is that's just the style of writing; it's supposed to be as casual as possible.
Still, I suppose some more descriptive wording couldn't hurt :twilightsmile:
And don't worry about being critical, I can always use improvement!

She reports the magic of friendship to Princess Celestia

What kind of job is that?

Haha so true! Twilight is so friggin spoiled:rainbowlaugh:

1200351
:twilightsmile: Thank you! I try my best.

Also, image derped! :pinkiegasp:
What is it?

hehhhh...it is too short. Maybe he shoulda met somepony else, too. man, I missed Dave.:yay:

2749561
It still took for fucking ever to write :applejackconfused:

I'll add another chapter or something soon. I just wrote like 3 fics worth this week.

:pinkiesad2: missed him.

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