• Member Since 12th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 31st, 2016

Gremlin Grenade


T
Source

After a friend from Fluttershy's foalhood comes to visit, the shy mare starts to become even more reclusive, trying new ways to deal with her insecurity and fighting with her troubled past.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 23 )

The last third of this fic was written in a hurry at 4:00 a.m., so anyone let me know if it isn't that good an ending. :twilightblush:

EDIT: Okay, this fic requires some serious development, so some of you may want to re-read it when I almost double it's length. Also, I may revoke it while I'm editing, so please no one panic when this fic disappears.

779684
Nah, you're wrong here. Ending is pretty fitting and closing that story well. Story itself is sweet and sad, good job on this one! :D

779684 Well thats good really good.

It's good, not the best story but still very good. Keep it up:derpytongue2:

I think the ending fits just fine on it's own. It could have been set up a little better, but it works either way.

Ponies + drugs = OMG :derpyderp1::derpyderp1::derpyderp1:
Quite a nice story though. Needs more views.

Life lessons, drugs, emos, metal band, and ponies.
MY LIFE IS COMPLETE.:pinkiecrazy:

:pinkiesad2: wow... that bit at the end. genious! this was beautiful. a manly tear left my eye today. thank you.

This has earned my favoritism

Remember kids: DRUGS R BAD XD

783849
This

No needles cigarettes pills or powders

783849
:rainbowlaugh:

But in all seriousness, part of the point of this fic was to drive a point like that home without sounding like Captain Planet. It isn't just about drugs, it's about escapism in general, and I at least tried to drive that point home in a more believable manner than most (I hope I succeeded there :twilightblush: )

787170 Oh you did, believe me.:moustache:

783849 Somepony should tell the Pyro about that.

FLUTTERSHY ON DRUGS!?
interesting...

Glorious friendshipping. Heartwarming story. Underlying moral. Very well-written. Have a like and fav. :twilightsmile:

Keep it up!

Based on my comment reply on my user page, I wanted to take the time and add an additional comment here. :twilightsmile:

Fluttershy let a gentle smile escape her lips as her beloved angel bunny scurried to her side. The rabbit let out a quiet squeak which almost tickled Fluttershy’s ear buds with its softness.

I really like your descriptions. A bit excessive with the purple prose, but I feel it adds a right sense of touch when reading these vivid details.

Although one tip... :twilightsheepish:

“I just need to be finished by four, I’m about to have a breakthrough in my research on the properties of polarizing magic, and I can’t stall my studies any longer!”

This sounds like a run-on sentence. :twilightoops: If you pronounce it out loud, you'll find that the extra commas are unnecessary, and it would be better to separate these into two separate sentences!

Anyways, I really liked this story! It was a bit refreshing to read a dark story after taking a breather from them.

Cheers!
~Follower

2016016
I hate to criticize one's criticism, but Twilight tends to speak in run-on sentences when she's nervous.

Still, I am working on a re-write, so I'll definitely consider your words! I have to say, you know your stuff better than most of this site, have you considered being an editor? (Then again, given your "mission" I guess you may not have time for that :twilightsheepish:).

2016088

Twilight tends to speak in run-on sentences when she's nervous.

True. However, based on experience collaborating with other editors, I find that it just sounds jarring to most people. If you want to emphasize in a subtle way that she speaks in run-on sentences, just indicate that she rushed her sentence.

Like ending the sentence with " [dialogue] ," Twilight rushed, not bothering to pause between words.

This way, the reader senses a sense of urgency or a fast-paced atmosphere in the character's dialogues. It's a lot easier to read and depict out. :twilightsheepish:

Sometimes, I actually help make edits on this account when I'm not busy. However, I usually just take a quick look at the first few paragraphs of the story and see what mistakes they're making (when I'm editing). I may finish the story if it's really good or if it's relatively short, but otherwise, I can't due to my time constraints. :twilightsheepish:

If you need any other help, just let me know! :twilightsmile:

I have to say, you know your stuff better than most of this site...

...and thanks! :pinkiehappy:

At least it wasn't Pinkie Pie on drugs... *stares at you and raises an eyebrow* Don't get any ideas...

2534031
What ideas? Pinkie Pie's already on all kinds of drugs. :pinkiecrazy:

2545674 I guess that explains why I hear a loud SCHNOOOOORT whenever I turn around, huh?

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