//------------------------------// // Rainbow Crash // Story: A Pony Named Dave // by Gremlin Grenade //------------------------------// Before I was going anywhere I had a nice slice of pie to enjoy, so I decided to trot over to the outdoor tables by the market and enjoy my purchase. I could have stayed at Sugarcube Corner, but I really needed to get away from that pink ball of energy as soon as I could manage. I know she really just has the best intentions, but I can't help it, she makes me nervous. No way a pony that energetic doesn't have something with a little more "oomph" than just sugar, ya' know? Besides, I wasn't going to let the weirdness of this afternoon ruin my confectionary treat. The best part is that an apple pie doesn't have anything really weird or unnatural about it, like the cow's milk does. Well, I guess it does have a crust made from bread, which means that there's yeast in it, which means that I'm eating little cooked bacteria. But seriously, any food sounds downright freaky if you over-analyze it. The important thing here was that the smell was enough for me not to care. But anyways, enough about the pie. The point is that I was involved in my snack when I had a face to face collision with her. The pie I mean. Because the back of my head had a bit of a collusion with the flank of speeding blue pegasus, and it drove me face-first into the pie. "Geez! What in Equestria are you doing?!" I sputtered between fits of coughing. "Heh, sorry about that. I'll make it up to you, I swear!" the mare rubbed the back of her rainbow mane abashedly as she hovered over me. "You bet your sorry flank you'll make it up to me! Who just charges headfir-" wait a minute. Rainbow mane? Wasn't one of the ponies I was looking for supposed to be rainbow something or other? I felt like this was a pretty good indicator of what I was looking for. "Hold up, isn't your name Rainbow... someth-" "Rainbow Dash, the one and only! Sorry, no autographs." Oh, well, at least she's modest about it. "Yeah, yeah. Look, I need to ask you something. Do you remember where you were the year Celestia was supposed to show up during the Summer Sun Celebration?" There were other instances I wanted to ask about, but I decided if I was going to make this an investigation, I should probably be consistent. "Well of course I remember where I was! I was in the Everfree forest, kicking some Nightmare Moon flank!" Well now, I think I know where these rumors started. "Oh yeah? I'm supposed to believe that old pony's tale is real? And that little old you managed to 'kick it's flank'?" "Hey, what's the big idea? You trying to start something?" She started to weave back and forth in the air, with her hooves raised up by her face. I suddenly got the distinct feeling this pegasus wanted to pick a fight with me. Well, I'd never hit a mare (or at least I hadn't yet, and didn't really want to start), and furthermore, I'm pretty sure this spunky little pony would kick the crap outta me. So, yeah, I didn't really want that to happen. "Look, I'm not trying to start anything, I just didn't know that... yeah. I didn't know. Thanks for... enlightening me?" It would take a miracle for something as weak as that to work. Luckily, I guess arguing with a pony with an insanely massive ego counts as a miracle. "Yeah, it's no big deal. It can get pretty hard to believe that ponies come as awesome as me. But trust me, I'm the real deal." She took the time to strike a few aerial poses as she spoke, probably to emphasize her point... somehow. That gave me an idea, though, and I tried a different tactic. "Okay, so how exactly did you beat Nightmare... whatever?" "Oh, you wanna know the details, huh? Well first I followed Twilight and all our friends into the Everfree forest. They were all a bunch of scardey-ponies, but not me. I'm fearless. Then we ran into a manticore, and I was all like, 'wha-bam!' And there were these evil enchanted trees, but I was all like 'bim, bam boom!' And then there was this huge sea serpent, but I was all like 'you want a piece, big guy?' and then I was all like 'who-pow!' And then the Shadowbolts showed up, and they were all like 'Oooh Rainbow Dash, join us because you're so awesome' But I was all like 'no way!' Because I'm the element of loyalty!" Huh. Yeah, glad I got that cleared up. I'll just go back to Newscoop and tell him that they went 'wha-bam,' and then it'll all be clear as day. Case closed. "Yeah, um, okay, thanks for clearing that up." "No problem. And hey, if you ever want an autograph, you know where to find me!" No. No, I really don't.