- Member Since 13th Nov, 2014
- offline last seen Oct 8th, 2023
Shadowsciver
We’re all stories, in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?
Shadowsciver
Joined 13th Nov, 2014 ·
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damn, poor anon. That's going to be one hell of a hangover.
Usually I avoid stories with anon but this was really interesting
7267972 im glad it caught your attention
Oh shit... I... I think I need to rest on this story. Let it sink in. I'll just take a nap. Just a nap.
IT'S JUST A NAP. NOTHING ELSE, RIGHT!?
It was quite fast with all the things that happened, but awesome story. Very interesting concept.
7270918 hopefully not a coma
wait what
7267695
One hell of a hangover, indeed.
I wish for this idea to be implemented in a larger story..
Gods damn! That was awesome! I couldn't really find any mistakes, though it was a little difficult with the story itself distracting me.
7271761 Yeah. It seemed to progress really fast. I mean, the only mention of people he knew before was that Fluttershy was kind towards him. I never got the sense that he was in such a situation to fall in love with Twilight out of nowhere.
Besides that, I have to wonder how so many of these accidents happen so casually. "Oh, my wall exploded and knives flew everywhere? Sorry. I guess no more magic while cooking!" This doesn't really express any kind of regret. The same with the lightning bolt. Its like they don't care.
Celestia and his relationship progressed pretty fast, too. Anon, however, just seems to be a bit of a martyr. Is it if HE changes the numbers, or is it his distance? Why not just be teleported away?
I liked the concept of this story, and the addition of numbers in the sentences, but this read like a climatic ending to a novel. than the end of a short story.
If you ever give it a rewrite, or such, I'd read it again. I do like the concept, but the approach needs to change slightly, in my opinion.
7272118 thank you for the input. ill definitely give everything a consideration, though i am thinking of making it a bit longer if it gets more popular..
Alright, based on these comments the title is misleading and it is in no way related to the cop/FBI show of the same name. I was really hoping that I had stumbled upon a good live action television show crossover too. For some reason all the crossovers I find around here either suck or end up never updating after the first couple chapters.
7277061 I'm sorry it wasn't to your expectations, then
7272380
Well, hopefully this story gets more popular! Anon said that he would see the ponies in ANOTHER story, don't let his promise go to waste.
7282174 I'll do my best
7282296
ANOTHER STORY!!!
Looks like someone made a deal with a certain death god...
This reminds me of Alex Mason from CoD Black Ops somehow...
The numbers Mason! What do they mean!?
It started off OK. Using numbers instead of letters was OK, though I'd have stuck to only using them when describing what anon sees. As it progressed, dialogue slowly got more and more samey and OOC with weaker sentence structure. You somewhat rushed through it and there was no build up to any kind of reveal or event. So it got boring quickly. You might have done better with it if you focused more on specific things and plot points throughout. Possibly over a few chapters.
7282296 This storie almost made me cry. Well done sir.Well done.
This is art... not modern art... Real art...
story was alright. cant agree with the use of ultra lite L337 speak peppered throughout.
FANTASTIC...JUST FANTASTIC !!!!!! Such an imaginative artistic story !!!
7580286
That was part of the inspiration, yes
So good
Really, really creepy (in a good way) story. I liked how you peppered numbers throughout the words. It gives us somewhat of an insight into what Anon feels, in a way. It's weird at first, but you learn to live with it.
Great job on this one, mate.
I remember a movie like this
it started with a time capsule
and a school girl writing numbers down
and the numbers were dates and gps coordnates and death-toll
for disasters
and there was a plane crash
and then the sun flared and everyone died
but aliens saved some children and took them to a new planet
then the movie ended
8110203 numbers. With nick cage.
8110203
I remember a different movie like this where everyone's time left was measured by a timer on their wrist and hours were used as currency.
8330974
By any chance did the main character meet a old guy with a fuckton of time and he gives it to the main character?
If so I remember that too, though I don't remember the title.
8341308
I don't think so, I haven't seen it for awhile but I know it ends with them getting what equates to king Tuts tomb in time.
8341313
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
8342194
8341313
In Time, 2011, Justin Timberlake and Olivia Wilde
8350493
That was the one thanks
Well that was certainly something.
Wow, this was heavy. This is one of the most interesting tragic stories I've ever read
N0 3xpre5510n. N0 3xpre5510n...