“Bring every last one of them to our doorstep, then drag them to hell with us!” That was the plan. We know nothing of peace. Equestria knows nothing of war. With the monsters we brought to their kingdom, we must now both adapt or become extinct.
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Okay. Chapter 3 now! Sorry for being two days late, but like I said, usually when I get home from work I am so drained I just want to veg out. I was lucky enough to write some of my stuff. Well, let's begin.
I see Raiden is taking charge again. He knows how to command, and I can just tell the other soldiers respect him. You kept the emotion in the first paragraph well. It was short in your mention of him feeling real grass, but it was believable. And wow, second paragraph and we already have another mood turner. I didn't expect one of the soldiers to act just like that. But it goes with your earlier mention of them seeing grass for the first time. This contrasts with the war torn world they grew up in. Seeing something opposite of what you are used to could make anyone act strange and spontaneous.
And now we enter the two sisters. I see you described them well. Frankly I think anyone would be in awe at the sight of them. To be honest I've always liked the two sister's. Just something about them appeals to me. And I would also have that reaction if a horse started talking to me. Well to be honest, I probably wouldn't scream. Just would feel a shiver up my back and remain quiet. Though Raiden's reaction is pretty accurate once he finds his words.
You portray Celestia just as she is in the show. Though I am no expert at keeping people in character. I could easily see her helping out the soldiers. It makes sense considering she is the ruler of a land of peace. Not much else I can say on this part.
And so we reach the end. Another short chapter, but it was still good nonetheless. Now as for the character that stood out the most, I would have to say Raiden again. He was the POV character so it made sense for him to offer the most in this chapter. All of his reactions were as I stated before, believable, and just fit him. Least that's what I feel based on what I have seen of him so far. Celestia was also pretty good in this chapter. She was just perfect in characterization and actions.
Well I'm keeping it short for now. But let's see how the rest of the story will go?
HAH! I love how quickly they get ready after being so informal :)
OH MY GOSH I love the fact that after this great description of Celestia, the protagonist ends the observation like this. It is perfect, and it shows his character in such a simple and effective way, as well as how he thinks.
Ohhh this is a great detail that many writers overlook. It's refreshing to see it mentioned :)
I LOVE THIS. I Have never seen anyone treat the first meeting with the mlp horses as though they were lost royal horses, even less so with the Princesses. Oh this is getting beautiful...
: I
This is going to be good. :)
That is the most realistic reaction I've ever seen to a horse talking in any MLP fic ever. :D :D :D
“I…I’m Captain Raiden. We’re…um…where we come from…your species hasn’t…um…well they don’t talk. They’re for riding and labor like any other animal could be...not that I'm saying you'reanimals it's just... I…I’m sorry it’s just…talking horses…I…”
Speech Skill Check failure on poor Raiden's part :P Very realistic reactions and I'm loving em' :)
Also a great description of their first experience with magic :)
Luna, you adorable troll <3 :)
I love that as a bit of light-hearted fun, the soldiers are willing to freak out the king just for kicks :)
Ohhhh I see some sparksssss.... :P
This is getting so good! I love watching the cultural interaction between the two groups. That's actually one of my favorite story themes, when you see two societies, usually very alien to one another, get to know each other. :) Loving this!
I wouldn't trust Luna or Celestia the moment they said they use magic as a MAGICAL orb is what sent them there and the enemy they were fighting used magic to kill them.... over all a great story so far.
i loved how the soldiers reacted the Celestia and Luna being talking magical ponies! I especially love how Raiden was so quick to get composed and pass it of as nothing! One thing I do admire him for is taking them seriously and not thinking any of them just because they're adorable looking ponies.
Quick question: Does this take place pre-S1, if so then that explains the attitude Luna and Celestia have with one another
Update: Oh wait, never mind, just read the story's description of it being S5... though feels pre-S1 though...
These are the greatest soldiers humanity has ever had. They can fight off dozens and not tire, snap bone with one hand while the other wields a shield to defend the weak. They are the ones the Og Nag fear the most, and they know no fear...
"Sir, there are taking ponies"
"SHIT FUCK ASS CUNT DAMMIT!"
Runs
9154678
Aw thank you! I work really hard to make the combat easy to visualize, fun, but also realistic. I feel like the Taraskan's best weapon is their creativity, like their ability to make something useful out of literally nothing but debris and corpses.
A very interesting story, I look forward to read your work.
From the goblin beast of the og nag to now talking ponies…that’s definitely a change of scenery. In a regards of a dark dismal world on the verge of complete collapse and extinction to now…green sunny world with life and joy. If there was an bar for “normal” occurrences…you just punted it into another dimension…literally.