“Bring every last one of them to our doorstep, then drag them to hell with us!” That was the plan. We know nothing of peace. Equestria knows nothing of war. With the monsters we brought to their kingdom, we must now both adapt or become extinct.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?
9770870
Raiden's voice is deep and smooth, but has this subtle anger to it. Imagine someone who sounds like they're always tying to swallow their anger and not go off on you.
Emeris' voice is gentle and soothing.
Lucretia's voice is a bit deeper than you'd think for someone her size. But it's very direct and sharp when she's on the battlefield, but changes to nurturing when out of combat.
Versa's voice Isn't too deep depite being almost 7 feet tall and built like a tank, and is surprisingly gentle, but it always has this lethargicness to it where she doesn't show emotion, even when her body language does.
King Hurrand sounds a little scraggly, like he's struggling to form complete words. He has the tone of a fake diplomat, so imagine your standard stuck-up snob, but who's not the best at impersonating someone of high society.
The Minister has a deeper voice but it always has this sharp, evil sound to it.
Lieutenant vermin has a very alluring sound to hers but has this hint of maliciousness to it like she's always implying murder.
9775287
So she just keep a 6 month supply on her person?!
I get that it grows around the Tarakan castle, and that some of the soil around said castle got transplanted along. But how much acreage? Did the plant just grow in Equestria? Thrive? Barely survive?
Part of the issue is I'm losing track of time, both in universe and in between chapters, above two examples being the most egregious. Compounding this is the wedding. One would think that after being whittled down to 200 people, and finding paradise, they'd want to boink to increase their numbers, even if that'd cut their fighting force in 1/4 to 3/4, depending on the M/F ratio of survivors. But no, the only 3 relationships you mention are Ty and Storm,Luna and Raiden, and Celestia and Emeris teased. And Tyn and Storm got to fucking pretty damn fast. Once is whatever, twice makes your eyebrows raise, and three times makes you wonder WTF is going on in their heads.
If there had been mention of herds I wouldn't have been surprised. Given that Taraska was such a war focused society, to repopulate I could see their women accepting the role of "Broodmare" quietly, even eagerly while men brought mares home as well. Now that there's only 12 humans left it's a moot point.
As for dialogue? It's almost every damn paragraph that has X speak, but Y do something.
9775287
The trial went on too long because Celestia and everyone else was a fucking retard. Seriously, HOW did that fucker get away so long without being put in his place or replaced?
"Leading the Witness" is an objectionable offense(but I'm not sure what can happen if a lawyer repeatedly disregards the rules.), let alone how many times he interrupted or misrepresented what the witness said. I was hoping that Raiden would ask if changelings reverted when they died, then beheading the bastard.
Celestia...wasn't even present for the trial. Changeling ran over her so much it was unbelievable, then the only indication she was tired was in the recess chapter. If anything she should have called a recess at the end of the previous chapter, THEN Raiden visits the prison during the recess chapter.
9775901
Yes, she can keep a large supply.
There's not much point in sex at the moment. I mean they're expecting the war to be over in one regard or another.
Cy and Storm aren't having sex. Why does everyone keep thinking romance = sex? Emeris said they were"smooching on the side." Everything else is your assumption.
So how would you suggest rewriting it? I haven't had anyone else mention it.
9775919
Not sure. Taraskan culture using conquered women as brrodmares? Lack of sex drive?
People born between 1946-1960? are referred to as "Baby Boomers" because people's need to reproduce spiked after World War 2. Yet Taraskans seem to be attracted to ponies, whose fertility is only theoretical. It just doesn't seem logical, especially given how practical they've been shown to be so far.
9775946
Under normal circumstances, yeah they'd probably be reproducing like crazy. However before they came to Equestria, they were under the impression that they died. They thought they were finally done with the Og Nag or at least had a chance to have a normal life. now all of it is starting over again as Equestria burns. Typically, the military don't date until after deployment, that goes double for each other due to it causing complications. In KOTD, you don't get to see much pre-Equestrian culture. I'm saving it for a prequel.
It's not so much that Taraskans are attracted to "ponies" it's more that as they get to know them, they start to see them as humans but with different bodies.
Thanks for your feedback! I'm always looking to improve and it always feels like there's more to learn. I still got a long ways to go with formatting, but there's also the issue of Fimfic just...getting rid of a lot of the spacing I do.