“Bring every last one of them to our doorstep, then drag them to hell with us!” That was the plan. We know nothing of peace. Equestria knows nothing of war. With the monsters we brought to their kingdom, we must now both adapt or become extinct.
Page generated in 0.028 seconds
Total duration
759 users online
923,392 hits today, 2,439,861 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
...This is BULLSHIT!!!
Honestly, not a fan of this latest turn of events
7444737 ?
7445202 The situation they just laid out for him! The battle between them would indeed keep escalating... if it were one-on-one!
They're essentially two beings of equal power who's strength intensifies at an equal rate, but while one of them has an army of mindless drones, THE OTHER ONE HAS AN ARMY AND SUPERPOWERED MAGICAL ALLIES!!!
And what's with the whole 'you can't haz element' thing? You're telling me he has all that potential... AND THEY'RE NOT LETTING HIM UNLOCK IT!?!? AAAARGH!!!
(earth-shattering kaboom)
*cough*...*wheeze*...*huff*... I-I'm ok, I'm good. It's just... this is bullshit.
7445278 You are by far my favorite type of reader.
7445282
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/131550525894.gif
Congratulations on over 1000 views, almost 100 comments and 68 upvotes on King of the Dead!
i.gyazo.com/3c5915e76618d3eda9b6cfd22dade4be.png
It was important to see Raiden remember all the loss that's happened so far. Zaran is the embodiment of all the evil Raiden has faced. To finally reach that foe in one-on-one combat...that's something where it becomes hard to hold back your emotions.
It's possibly Zaran is lying about EVERYTHING. The only thing we can be sure of is what he has done and what his abilities currently do.
That is (purposely) harsh, Zaran. No one has spoken that viciously in the whole story up until now. That's when you KNOW something has escalated.
change "is" to "are"
Be more affirmative in your wording during these battle sequences. Avoid conditional phrases that show uncertainty like "most likely," "probably," "maybe" "possibly" and the like. Instead say "My eyes glow like his."
Aww. Poor Luna. Raiden's rage is too much for him and now Luna has taken the brunt of his anger. There is actually a precedent for this in the story, too. When Luna was chastised by Raiden during one of the earlier battles and he felt sorry for talking to her in that way.
It's crazy to see how powerful Raiden's anger is after this encounter with Zaran. The way Raiden thinks about how he alone can solve this problem is written in such a way that is seems like a believable train of logic, but we as readers can see he is motivated by anger and not reason.
These two sentences should be one sentence.
change "her's" to "hers"
This is one of those moments where Luna shows how much she loves Raiden by moving through the force of his rage, literally. It's a tough moment for her, but I have seen what she can do and believe she is capable as a character.
The nitpicker in me wants to see if you wouldn't mind changing "theory" to "hypothesis" since scientific theories are proven but Starswirl is suggesting what he doesn't know for sure. A hypothesis is a premise you start with and must test.
That is a pretty surreal creature the way you've described it's color and form. Simple, but mystical in its presentation.
change "eachother" to "each other"
This image of the two ponies viciously fighting it out is really sad, but brutal as a form of nature and survival.
change "eachother" to "each other"
This is a very intriguing image you've created here. Because you have the vicious example of cruelty (and kudos for choosing red as the cloak color since it automatically induces images of blood and pain) and you also have the fear present in the cruel, as King Hurrand is fearful of being killed himself (as mentioned in one of the first chapters).
I like that you said the plunderseeds are from Nova. That fits so well :) Headcanon accepted :)
That is a really cool concept! That's one of the things I love about this story, where you can see the concepts form and make sense little-by-little. This is one of those good ones.
Change "tape" to "tap"
This description is one of the things I think explains so much within your story, as it was meant to. However, it not only provides reasoning for why kindness is preferred over cruelty, but shows how it benefits everyone as a whole. I love that.
This has to be one of the best unique explanations of evil that I've ever heard in a story. It attempts to move things out from being black and white and comes up with a rational explanation for why evil exists. And it shows that in some situations, that evil is present because the characters would not survive without it, which is sad.
That's a heck of a way to introduce the concept of an evil-aligned world based on survival while leading it into the actual experiment. A heck of a transition.
Beyond the fact that this is a very cold and calculating experiment on Starswirl's part, it makes me wonder what happened to the one sent to Earth. Like, I'm really interested in that.
I love this description of how even though the odds were stacked against Raiden, he managed to persevere. Not only that, but his kindness spread to others, which serves as an inspirational message to those reading that even in the darkest times and most dismal places, their kindness means something profound.
This is a very effective way of showing how the kindness has spread to the others. Not only that, but it serves the very important dual purpose of giving backstory and relationship building moments to Emeris and Raiden...
...as well as showing how Lucretia joined the mix while the three of them built one of the most united teams in all of the kingdom. HUZZAH! It's really endearing to see them help each other out, like little lights in the darkness.
This is a heartbreaking moment made EVEN WORSE by the fact that Raiden knows his power level and Zaran's are linked. UGH so frustrating! But it's a GENIUS method of creating a unique villain. They are LITERALLY the same person in different worlds, and that reflects in their anger. Oh my gosh. SO GOOD.
And just in case the readers didn't quite get it, this helps make it very clear what the red power was. It was extra energy on part of Zaran. It was anger that Zaran used to take advantage of Raiden. And Raiden fed on it like Zaran knew he would. It was so dang clever!
All good reasoning storywise for why Raiden can't do what he wants to with the elements
This is a potent visual. Very effective in getting-across why he can't gain an element.
I think this makes Raiden more interesting. He is not magically powerful. He has to use wits, determination and the help of his allies to overcome. But he's a leader. He can do this...
THIS IS THE TURNING POINT
The stakes have been raised! I'm excited to see where this goes...
That’s gotta suck.