“Bring every last one of them to our doorstep, then drag them to hell with us!” That was the plan. We know nothing of peace. Equestria knows nothing of war. With the monsters we brought to their kingdom, we must now both adapt or become extinct.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Ok so I decided in order to get more content out more often, I'm going to put out individual chapters, instead of parts. Unfortunately, my computer is acting weird along with my mouse, so if there's any errors with the chapters please let me know.
I am so pumped for this battle you don't EVEN KNOW!
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I love how you describe the side battles of Luna and Celestia in this! They add so much color to the scene showing that there is much more to what is happening than just the core fight with Raiden and his men.
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Pony houses are very small. Kind of like fighting in hobbit homes. :)
I was having a hard time imagining this...
OH him! This is the first time I've seen that background pony in a fan fiction! Kudos!
I can imagine how freaked out they must be by the levitation and how awesome it must be for those who are focused solely on fighting.
Another battle manuveurI love! Even just the use of the horn sounds cool!
Another incredible dilemma scene which shows the kind of man Raiden is and I love it. I love the fact that his friends come to his aid, silently showing that tough decisions are made easier when people work together.
I love this description of Lucretia which prepares for her sweet tactics here and against the large Og Nag at the end, helping the reader see she is fully capable of handling this.
That is a heck of a complication and very frustrating. Good detail!
O.o Well that was unexpected. Good to know the unicorns are fighting back, though!
I'm glad you didn't take the easy route and make the three unicorns a quick joke (which would have been okay, but this is better). I liked seeing how Raiden and his men and women handled the inconvenience here.
THIS
IS
GETTING
BUCKING
INTENSE
There really is! This is getting overwhelmingly complicated, but for the reader, it's in a good way!
Awww, but this is realistic because in the heat of battle, many words can be thrown around like that.
BOSS BATTLE!
Nice quick bit of info about how they've dealt with this type of creature in the past.
LUCRETIA IS THE REAL BEAST HERE :D
THAT IS A TERRIFYING IMAGE OF IT CHASING AFTER HER WITH THOSE AXES DIGGING INTO THE GROUND
EPIC!
That's when you KNOW you're dealing with a badass boss
Even though she could be mad, she still cares about him <3
This makes sense emotionally, though it's a bit tough to believe overall in the EXACT moment he chose to say that, though Luna's response is appropriate.
Nice save, yo :)
THIS WAS AN AMAZING CHAPTER
I was so into this battle! I felt the energy of it and the enthusiasm of reading it all the way through! If only you could SUPERfav chapters, like, the best of the best chapters! I would nominate this one! :D
SO GOOD! This is so awesome! :D
Okay. I am back. I'm trying something different in my reviewing format. I know I usually review as I read along, but this time I am going to try making a shorter review. Let's see if I can still pull it off.
Let's begin and the beginning. Great opening. The action sequences flowed nicely. There was one part where I felt it could have been written differently, mainly just one thing. "as I'm sure no pony is expecting a fully armored death machine to come in and try to save you". I personally would have said try to save them." To me it kind of feels like breaking the fourth wall, and I remember you taught me to try and stray away from that. But it's relatively minor.
Now moving onto the action sequences themselves. They were very detailed. You didn't leave anything unturned. Or no stone unturned when describing them. The Og Nag certainly show some relentlessness and it wasn't unbelievable when you were describing their actions. I especially liked hone you described bruising as I was able to picture it perfectly.
Now this also revealed a bit about the world they came from. It shows that that Equestria and Raiden's world has a similar level of technology, though I imagine with magic, the technology could advance.
And we got some great shipping between Raiden and Luna. It wasn't perfect lovey dove stuff, but I can see that there is something there.
Overall Raiden was the strongest character this chapter due to him being the focus. Very good, very well written.
Of course! She’s the Princess of the Night!