“Bring every last one of them to our doorstep, then drag them to hell with us!” That was the plan. We know nothing of peace. Equestria knows nothing of war. With the monsters we brought to their kingdom, we must now both adapt or become extinct.
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i found alot of plotholes here i will have to read further too see if i like it or not
Okay. Back after a long absence! I gotta say the main reason I haven't been reading or reviewing for a while was lack of motivation. The same applied to my writing. I was working on a story I wasn't really motivated to write (that's passed though). Now let's get down to business.
Good opening so far. Excellent description of the battle from before. Those Og Nag just don't give up do they? And we can see more of the king's cruelty. Dang you really have portrayed humans as bastards in this story. Not that I'm complaining. I mean it adds something to the story. Not sure what but I guess substance is the right word? But we can see with Raiden there are some good humans out there. That's what I like in stories that portray some humans in negative light, a little good to balance them out.
And we see some conflict in this chapter. The Og Nag attacking and Celestia needs some help. To be honest I like it when Equestria faces a conflict. It destroys the otherwise peaceful serene that sometimes becomes too saccharine for my tastes. And I like how you explain vehicles in this world. It's creative and a good precursor to automobiles. I just wonder if these fantasy worlds can develop such a thing in the future?
They arrive and everything is fine. And oh wait. It was a trick! The Og Nag are smarter than I gave them credit for. I initially thought them as mindless brutes. But this shows some of intelligence. Well they would have to be crafty if they were sieging a city for years.
And the chapter ends with the battle about to commence. Celestia is really a caring ruler, thinking about her people first and foremost. And I do like how Raiden had some similar thoughts to me in regards to bad things happening to the world.
Raiden was the best character in this chapter. Not much else for everyone, but Raiden really shined. I liked this chapter most for the new revelations of the Og Nag and the promise of bad things to come. Well hope this was a good review.
You are doing a great job of making this story not only intense, but making it absolutely easy to hate that king...
Oh shiz! Something's up! (later: OH SHIZ! DISTRACTION!)
I love the intensity of the preparations you have the characters undergo here. I feel the energy! It's invigorating as a reader to see all this movement take place! OH MY GOSH I LOVE IT! *Eats story* DELICIOUS!
Aw shiz. I kinda suspected something was up, not based on the note, but the fact that the King of Taraska just sent off the army with little thought.
That is an AWESOME name for a war machine! :D
Oh great! That deciding choice a character has to make! I love the dilemma here though. Fantastic tension! OH SO GOOD!
I love his deduction here to help make the decision make sense and also to give him a bit of a break emotionally since he understands how battles work and how likely it would be to get to one place in time vs another. One of the best written decisions I've seen worked out for a serious conundrum. :D
This does show a bit of that bitter darkness in him that he mentioned a few chapters back, now showing it's head again. It helps show he's a more dynamic and realistic character :)
I like this little bit where he was trying to make things better, but life got in the way.
Life = Life or death battle :P
THIS GIVES ME AN IDEA FOR AN RP! [Inspiration +1]
I LOVE THIS STORY <3
This seems like a very disjointed chapter. Suddenly a lot of things happen. there's no smooth flow of events, characters act unlike themselves. Just very... jumbled. I'd be more inclined to call it a dream being warped by Luna to test Raiden's character.
I can only hope the King and the rest die. The soldiers with our three Captains seems alright though.
Two clues that show I know who sent that false letter; any letters sent by Equestria... are always sent by an Equestrian - its a basic rule for delivering information, you send in your own messenger, so unless a pony was at the edge of Taraska and had to be stopped and gave the letter to a random guard which gave to Raiden, then that's the only explanation. The second reason is that the letter mentions the Ol Nag... WHY IN THE BLOODY HECK WOULD CELESTIA KNOW WHEN SHE HERSELF WASN'T TOLD WHAT THOSE THINGS ARE?! The only thing that would make sense if this letter was legit, was that Luna looked through Raiden's memories and saw a memory of the Ol Nag, and told Celestia, or something else. Another thing I can understand why Raiden didn't stop to think would be the fact that he received a letter from his newest allies that they're being attacked by an old enemy, so I'd probably do the same recklessly... Still, this is a low point for Raiden's skills, man survived in a forest and invented the equivalent of a Spartan Phalanx in his world, I thought he would've of seen the lies in that letter... Oh and I believe the King sent the letter, but that's just an estimated guess
Well...can’t say I blame them.