Will the Princesses be badass in this story?

7016059 I'm glad you're still alive. Are you still working on your stories?

7021673 all three princesses get their chance to shine. I also give Luna and Celestia their equal shares of ups and downs.

Nice. Actually really enjoyable. I'm looking forward to the continuation.

7029228 they're in the middle of a war that goes balls to the walls brutal so good timing for youlol

7029874 Yeahp! Let the carnage begin!

wrong decision my friend

We stood outside the palace with every last soldier we had. I face what was probably the last people in my kingdom. I knew we had to do what was needed, but it’s a tough call when your entire species can go extinct in these lands with one bad strategy. Failure could always be met with retreat. I had also grown to accept that people die in war. This time however, my entire nation could be gone. We’d fade into existence as another story on another shelf. In time, maybe some would even question if we had really existed.

Excellent way of setting up the stakes at the very beginning of this intense chapter. I LOVE IT! You have a way with grabbing the reader from the get-go. An enviable skill, by all means. :)

Hell as far as the ponies were concerned, we were icons. News of our arrival and combat abilities had spread fast. When I had caught wind of this, I gave the order for every soldier to start sharing their best war stories.

Yes! An awesome tactic you've mentioned in a previous chapter.

It helped tons, but we needed solutions, not just moral.

"morale" instead of "moral" :P

“You have a bad habit of getting too caught up in a task to listen to new orders. I’m sorry but I can’t have you getting into combat and not seeing it’s time to fall back like last time.” It was ugly, but true. Cy gave me his report about how Cy and Adeodatus had to go and fetch him. They ended up losing two units while waiting for Septimus. It was always assumed we would do anything to save our own, even if they deserve their fate.

Harsh, but he needed to hear that. It's also a good throwback to a previous battle to let the reader know that some things occurred which they were unaware of.

“If you want to fix his attitude, give him a chance to prove himself. Give him some task to perform at the base or something. Otherwise this will continue to be an issue until he pulls some crap that gets him and even others killed in the name of pride.” Cy nods, turns back around and addresses Lucretia’s troops.

“You’ll all be in charge of the base defensive, but we’ll need a quick response team for emergencies. Septimus, I need you and your men to be ready at all times. If at any point a unit gets injured within range, your team will extract them.” Septimus perks up a bit and nods.

I love this consideration towards morale. Important to keep the troop attitude up so they won't falter in a fight. Good focus!

Trying to lead Og Nag to an ambush was almost always met with failure. There were so many, it was easy for one section of their group to suddenly go after another target, similar to a dog and a squirrel. Their stupidity made them hard to predict as well.

Dang, their stupidity is a danger in a way I never considered! Never underestimate the power of stupid enemies in large numbers.

I stand to the side, pounding my chest in salute. Everyone mimics the gesture and falls out, following Lucretia in step. Several units reach out and slap my arm gently as they leave; knowing this could easily be it. I choke back tears; they weren’t just soldiers, they were the closest thing I had to a family. I had never really gotten close to my parents. I was born into slavery and was told two other slaves were my parents. They both had forms of intellectual deficiency. I knew they weren’t my actual parents, but it never came up.

This is so endearing to know how much they matter to him. He's their brother in a very close bonded sort of way and to consider that they might die is painful to him. It shows he has a good heart. <3

My dad always brought me some type of present for my birthday. It was usually sticks and some form of string in the shape of an animal. Both my parents had lower jaws that stuck out a good three inches further than they should, which made speaking difficult. They also couldn’t form complete sentences, resorting to pats on the head, or shoulder bumps to say “I love you.”

That's both really sweet and really sad. They could only do so much, but they tried what they could before they were killed. :/

After I met Lucretia and Emeris, we had slowly began forming some type of bizarre family bond. I had learned to trust them, and they learned to trust me. I knew Lucretia was our best hope for the base. She was very good at being absolutely brutal. Whatever traps she was going to devise, they’d be efficient, easy, and devastating. Her creativity had never been noticed until one specific battle, where we were forced to run from enemy soldiers and had to resort to guerrilla warfare. She had taken a house and made it look like we used it as a hideout, leaving plenty of poisoned food behind.

Once the enemy invaded it, they decided to eat “our” food to save on rations. Of course the ranking officers got first picks of the finest produce, which had the most "seasoning" in them, an absolutely brilliant consideration on her part. The slow acting poisons set in some time after they went to bed for the night. Having their chain of command suddenly convulse and foam at the mouth, it was a simple matter of slowly pushing into their camp. Lucretia alone was responsible for turning a three to one disadvantage on it's head. Her promotion came shortly after.

Lucretia just keeps getting more and more amazing as time goes by. I think I remember you saying you wanted to make a side story with her, unless it already happened.

“I...I appreciate you trusting me with this.” She paws the ground timidly. I shake my head.

“You’re a princess. Why are you thanking us if you're defending your own land?” She glances at the palace, then back to me.

“I don’t normally get trusted with important matters. It feels good to be considered for...anything, especially something this important.”

It's sweet to see them interact like this :) It's also sad to see that Luna is so capable but isn't really given the chance to show it.

Now Lucretia’s troops will be making small trails on their way through the forest. It is absolutely imperative you stay on these paths. The trails will zig zag around so hopefully the Og Nag will just dart through the trees after you, getting hit by Lucretia’s wonderful surprises as they go.”

Another awesome set of traps that's unique and simple. :)

I go over the list of everything that could possibly happen ever in my head. There won’t be the time or resources to improvise if we mess up. I know any one of us can trip or get cut off by Og Nag and be forced to go through Lucretia’s traps.

I had a feeling you were hinting that this would happen to someone...good foreshadowing!

Luna had advised Lucretia on a few poisonous plants in the area. Along the trees, there were vines coated with the leaves of something called Poison Joke.

NICE! Good mention of something relevant within the MLP world, and the nameless mention of Zecora as well. :)

I wasn’t use to this kind of fear though. Why did I suddenly care so much? In every previous battle, I always fought as hard as I could, but death was always just part of the job. I suddenly felt connected to everything around me: every tree, every blade of grass, every lazy cloud. Did I finally have something worth living for? Was my ability to command compromised?

It's endearing to see this caring grow in Raiden's heart. It shows growth as a character as well, and makes the stakes that much more important.

“How...how did you know?!”. He chuckles to himself before giving me a delicious grin. He always loved analyzing others.

“Because you’ve been quietly beating your left foot into the ground. You do that whenever you’re self-conscious. Just so you know, you do it when you’re around Luna, and she knows why you do it too.” I bury my head in the ground and groan.

Aww that's sweet. :) Emeris is great. He's like the voice that explains what other think about Raiden sometimes. :P

“Sir, up ahead, the trees.” We stare at the forest a few miles to the northwest. Trees sway back and forth, birds escape in mass as their quiet home is disturbed by thousands of angry creatures crying for war. They mindlessly march out to the clearing towards Canterlot. Far to the north, we see the massive pack of civilians. Most of them freeze, and look over at the massive army of murderers. We hear the distant screams after a few minutes, as they begin running towards the castle.

Instant complication which makes the scene that much more tense and frantic.

There's no way a human can run as fast as he can. In the time it takes an Og Nag to move an arm to their hilt, Emeris has already covered at least ten meters. He flashes again, teleporting on top of the shoulders of a Garge, driving his sword through it’s skull.

That's pretty awesome! Not sure why it's happening, but I have my suspicions. :P

The Og Nag begin running towards us. Cy and myself put Emeris’ arms over our shoulders and do our best to carry him. Deep down, we know this is going to get all three of us killed, but we can’t just leave him.

I love this loyalty resorting in some very great tension internally. It's a good example of how Raiden won't fall to military training if he's trying to save a friend.

I do the only thing I can do: I pull out my bow, and start pissing off the Garge with arrows. He quickly gets tired of my crap and changes his course towards me. I bolt it, moving to the far east of my soldiers, who now have Emeris suspended again, desperately running along the path. I had a brief advantage of knowing where the next few traps are, but only for another 100 feet or so. I'm completely off the path, and dodging from memory. The traps are too well concealed to evade in time.

Gosh, this is so TENSE I LOVE IT

The Garge cocks his arm back and hurls his axe at me. I dive to the right, but the ax catches the last part of my foot. It hits with such force that I hear my ankle crack, unable to take the force. I know I won’t be able to run anymore.

OUCH! Geez that reads so painfully...

My mouth trembles as all the anger from my entire existence comes back to this moment “I am Taraska, we are born to war. We are born to die!” The last word is almost drowned out. A strange sensation fills my chest. As I yell out my last word, a deep fire from my chest erupts through my mouth,

This scene works so much better after you set up the Emeris scene earlier. It helps establish that something is happening within the characters which is now to be expected. Good setup!

A massive burst of light fills the air. All manner of creatures shield their eyes, unable to bear it's radiance. Celestia’s all-encompassing voice surrounds us like it did in Canterlot. She borderline shrieks with an oddly deep tone, her deafening voice full of every last ounce of misery she’s experienced. “I have watched long enough! I will not allow another citizen of mine to be harmed! You have invaded my home, and slain my people! Mercy will no longer be yours!”

A tremendous rumbling consumes the ground; Cy and myself are unable to stand up. Her screaming of rage is all we can hear. I see Cy’s mouth move but I can’t hear him. We cover our ears in pain. Every Og Nag in view develops a yellow glow, and get hurtled into the air so high they quickly escape my view. Celestia stops her screaming to concentrate. She lets out one last howl of agony, as every enemy that had previously disappeared into the sky, comes back to the ground with a little extra help from Celestia.

This is pretty epic! It's awesome to see Celestia get back into the fight after having been so caught up in her own emotions earlier thanks to some heavy losses. Helps re-establish reader trust in her.

I can’t help but feel drawn to her. She smiles at me.

“The feeling will wear off. It’s an unfortunate side effect of my healing powers. I’m Princess Cadence of the Crystal Empire.” I can’t say anything, I’m too nervous. I hadn’t felt this anxious since the walk back to Taraska with Luna. She looks at the ground, then to her right awkwardly.

Aw, love magic <3 :P I had thought Cadance was buffing Emeris and Raiden, but perhaps not...or Luna, but I didn't see her take credit though...

“Princess...when we look across your land, we see something never before thought possible. We see the same towns as you do, but without fire and fortifications, without patrols or horrified faces, with plentiful farms and foods. There are no pillars of smoke, there are no burnt trees, there are no bodies littering the ground. Your world calls to every native Taraskan. This land is more than we could ever dream of. For that, any Taraskan would walk into inferno for it. They would lay down their lives to protect it, or even just for the knowledge of knowing that they died to stop this land from becoming like ours.

This is an amazing speech which displays all of his emotion at once. Absolutely fantastic. :)

My mouth trembles a bit as the shock of my own words catches me off guard. Celestia does her best to pretend she doesn’t notice, then reaches over and hugs me with a wing for just a moment. My mouth goes a bit too far however.

“The King wants to take your castle.”

Celestia slowly turns her head and stares at me without an expression.

Yep. Expected that info and expected that reaction. Good ending to a chapter!

THIS IS SO GOOD

This will be critical for both moral

"morale" instead of "moral" :P

Celestia for deity's sake please don't explode into fury... Go and do that to King Harrand instead

Luna trots up to me. She knew I wanted a few last minutes with my men, and respectfully stayed back until now. She stands there nervously, not wanting to say goodbye, but still desiring some last conversation. She looks me in the eyes and gives me a weak smile. “I...I appreciate you trusting me with this.” She paws the ground timidly. I shake my head. “You’re a princess. Why are you thanking us if you're defending your own land?” She glances at the palace, then back to me. “I don’t normally get trusted with important matters. It feels good to be considered for...anything, especially with something like this.”

As somepony who was once feared both before and after becoming Nightmare Moon...I can believe that.

My mouth trembles a bit as the shock of my own words catches me off guard. Celestia does her best to pretend she doesn’t notice, then reaches over and hugs me with a wing for just a moment. My mouth goes a bit too far however. “The King wants to take your castle.”

Crap!

I thought that because of the tittle he would have some sort of necromancy power but I guess he’s a dragon now