“Bring every last one of them to our doorstep, then drag them to hell with us!” That was the plan. We know nothing of peace. Equestria knows nothing of war. With the monsters we brought to their kingdom, we must now both adapt or become extinct.
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Okay, so I've read the first three chapters of this story. First, let me start off by saying that this is a major undertaking. You've combined numerous genres into one massive epic of a tale. This had be risky as not all genres mesh well together. It might potentially turn away some readers...but I see you have a solid audience so far so what do I know.
Chapter one was a lot of information. There was a nice introduction by Raiden and a a lot of action. But there was too much exposition, I believe, for one chapter. Providing so much backstory while the fighting was going on was a bit distracting. I felt that the history of this world could have been spread out a little in the first two chapters or so. That way, you could have focused more on developing your characters.
Chapters two and three are where things start to get interesting. It was nice seeing how two worlds clash when one has known nothing but war for centuries while the other has had a thousand years of peace trying to figure each other out. I know I'm not the only one who enjoyed the scene where Elias tried to place the saddle on Luna, like he was doing her a favor.
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/655/330/54e.jpg
So anyway, good show so far.
BC
7836271 Thanks man! This has undergone a lot of revisions and I completed my second full overhaul about three months ago (Where I re-read the entire story and spruced up descriptions, added in more characterization, reexplained stuff, ect)
It has been quite the task but I'm rather proud of what I have so far. Chapter 1 has had so many rewrites I can't even imagine how many so far. I'll look into spreading things out if it feels congested. Thanks for the feedback! I'd love to hear more!
Poor Spitfire...so many fellow soldiers lost.