“Bring every last one of them to our doorstep, then drag them to hell with us!” That was the plan. We know nothing of peace. Equestria knows nothing of war. With the monsters we brought to their kingdom, we must now both adapt or become extinct.
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Okay. I have returned and now onto chapter 6.
The opening. So far so good. I like how you entailed Celestia and Luna having some anxiety in regards to the meeting. Wow. Raiden must be really used to being treated like dirt if he expects there to be a fight between he and the sisters. I suppose that comes with the territory in being raised in a war torn world. I do like how he had planned all of this out. He is not a fool. He knows what he is doing.
Okay in the conversation I noticed something
I slowly nod, as I take a few more steps across the room towards the Princess, my eyes still on the murals. “There’s not much to tell. Our people have been at war long before I was born. Life expectancy is early 30s if you’re lucky.” I eye the paintings up and down a bit, before making just a few more casual steps. Luna joins in “Why is your world like this? Do your people not want peace?” I turn to face her “Our world was attacked a long time ago. Since then, trust is difficult to find, with peace being nothing but a distant fairytale.”
The part where Luna speaks I think should be a separate sentence. Least that is just me. To be honest I know nothing about grammar so I can't be entirely sure.
Ugh I hate colds. I just hope the people with Mana Feer don't suffer from sore throats. Those are the parts of colds I hate the most.
Okay. To be honest I myself wondered if the orbs were somehow connected to Equestria. I mean Equestria is magic central so it wouldn't be a big stretch of imagination of the orbs came from them. I can see Celestia getting angry in regards to them. Or rather the prospect of her country being threatened. Though Celestia is merciful, one mustn’t forget she is an alicorn with god like power. She is not one to be trifled with.
Going further in, I wonder if the associate Celestia was talking about was Star Swirl the Bearded? It sure sounds like it. And Luna sure knows how to make an entrance. And going further down we see that Luna and Raiden have gotten into an argument. You know? In a way, I think Luna and Raiden are similar. Just something about them seems to resonates. But I sensed a feeling of inferiority with Luna in regards to Celestia. It makes sense considering that despite them ruling together, Celestia has ruled for over 1000 years by herself and has had time to become beloved. Luna must still be living in that shadow. Raiden though not the same circumstances, is under the thrall of the jerkass king.
And we see that the conversation has turned into a joyful one. Not much to say about it that it was very nice and brought a smile to my face.
Well in closing, I would say that the stronger character in this was a mix between Luna and Raiden. Both had their strong points. But I would say Raiden was stronger due to being the POV character. I could sense his desire to find some real answers. And it was more to him because he had lived in the war torn hell and wanted it to end. I mean if you were living in a war torn world with no facts as to why, I'm sure you would be eager to discover the truth. His anger seemed real. That's all I have to say.
Now I close this by saying good chapter.
I love that he's examining the ways to defend himself against characters which the reader knows would be an incredible threat if he failed in his attack in any way. But his plans are intricate and that shows a very strategic mind.
This paragraph(s) has three different characters talking, which can be a bit jarring if you're not careful. The Celestia dialogue wasn't indented so I didn't think it was separate at first.
Interesting to notice such easy tells Celestia is giving. Excellent detail! Shows how perceptive the protagonist is.
Very intriguing method there by Raiden and interesting responses coming from Celestia. I like his reasoning and his manuveuring. :)
Wow. That's coldly calculating, but definitely something he's had to do in the past with the world he's from. Intriguing tactical character.
Celestia Reputation with Raiden: =10
Luna Reputation with Raiden: +10
:P
I think they're both talking to each other in the same paragraphs. It's a bit of throw-off for me.
Blushy blushy... <3 <3
Holy crap. That mental image made ME feel a bit in my heart for her. :)
I think she was trying to kill him with her horn and then thought against it ;) Naw, i'm sure it's fine :P
And it appears pride and protocol (good title. You should use it :P ) might be the death of many of these characters after Raiden graciously gives them tactical information.
This chapter was adorable. Oh my gosh Luna, so bae <3 :D Super cute interaction between them. It's good to see them both act differently and holy crud, Luna's allure and stubborn nature are like the only two things that kept Raiden from killing them both. Wow. Excellent intrigue!
Not sure if I like any of the Humans. They are more than happy to lie and lead-on a peaceful species to their deaths at the whim of a king who needs to be beheaded. Raiden is blinded by meaningless devotion to a wicked tyrant who will only bring misery.
Maybe.
I'm all for being loyal to your leader, but there is a time and a place...this is neither the time nor the place. The king should be executed for worshiping Korne as well as his followers.
Isn't the relationship between Raiden and Luna going too fast? I mean they have just meet earlier that day
9458588
They don't have a relationship yet, it's all in Raiden's head at the moment. Luna's just being friendly.