- Member Since 8th Apr, 2015
- offline last seen January 27th
Bronyprophet
All of the stories I'm writing will be updated at random, when I have the time to do so. If the story takes longer then a few weeks; trust me it will be updated again.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- bcmorgan96 · 9.2k words · 75 11 · 3.1k views
- ShrunkenBro · 19k words · 42 7 · 4.7k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.141 seconds
Total duration
1,039 users online
1,558,436 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Okay, I think you need to slow down. Everything just seems to happen out of nowhere. Build the world up a bit more first.
And I have to wonder, why would dragons even use equipment? They've got scales that can withstand molten lava. Claws, fangs and fire for weapons. Why do they need anything else?
7330742 I'm guessing from your profile pic you are extremely fond of dragons, to be exact you are quite probably are a dragonologist as in draws them studies them etc. Would I be correct?
Thank you for the feedback, the next chapter is much slower than this one. I wanted the sudden start to the story, to bring interest to the story by leaving blanks.
Though now that I explained what I tried to do, what do you think I should if I were to rewrite this chapter emphasize on?
PS: I made the dragons use Equipment as it would make it a more interesting story in future fight scenes. If I left them with their default way of fighting all I could really say, was that they swiped and blew fire at each other. Whereas with a sword and armor I can describe how the armor or weapons were damaged in a fight, emphasizing power levels easier. That would be like not giving ponies a sword or armor cause they are literally horses. Horses cannot talk or use magic. This is a fantasy Novel, so it does not have to follow logic.
7330866 Err, well I'd certainly like to, but unfortunately I really don't see how anyone is supposed to study a mythological creature. However yes, I am a big fan of them.
I guess if you wanna draw viewers in by having a really fast-paced start, that's fine, but at this speed, it kind of just feels like a wall of text. The best stories immerse the reader in them. Describe how the characters are talking, how they feel, etc.
If you wanna make dragons use equipment then you can, but I guess the bigger problem for me is that from the way it's written here, they'd be completely helpless without it. As in, when Spike was disarmed in this chapter he kinda just acted like he'd already lost, where realistically that would have minimal affect on his ability to fight. Take Twilight for example, she practically never puts on any kind of armour or uses any weapons, but helpless is far from a word you'd describe her in that state.
7330913 you have a point. So you would say that what I lack is spike actually using his claws and teeth, and dragons breath for example, and in terms of story, it lacks feeling.
I'm sorry if I annoy you, I'm just trying to narrow down the problems. As I don't have a proofreader yet, but I offer the position to you if you're interested.
7330939 Kind of. It's more along the lines of implying he doesn't even have them in the first place. Nowhere in the narrative did Spike even consider those options, and that kinda makes him look like an idiot.
If you want me to proofread I guess I'd be happy to. Just don't take everything I say at face value though. Everything I say is a suggestion, nothing more.
7330944 it's all good, I won't I only use suggestions that appeal to the story plot I have.
Looking good, keep it up!
7617104 to be honest i didn't think this would be as popular as it is, ill have to start the next chapter. sorry about the wait. but it will be coming soon.
what happened? Why is not chapter 1?
8746380
reworking that chapter
upgrade please!!!!!!!!
9305308
What do you mean upgrade?
9305671
to Continue the story. updates the new (sorry)
9306033
Ahh ok I now understand no problem I'll be working on another chapter after I finish the next chapter of another book I'm working on 5 books atm
That summary is rough as hell.
9576143
that's the point it's not suppose to tell you the whole story, just the gist of it my friend, to help you decide if its worth the read. trust me if you do read it you will like it it has twists turns action romance and tragedy the perfect balance of all of the things
9698906
How are you liking the story so far
9699136
So far good. if you are trying problems on some words better puts teen to maturity
9699176
I may have to do that as sometimes for much more impact I need to use blunt terms
9699176
Sorry about the delay on chapters but I have been working on something special for this very book a full musical symposium telling the story through instrumental music I have bearely finished chapter 1 for the composition, it has been consuming most of my time, but look forward to it it sounds amazing. Once completed I will be releasing a link onto the front cover of my book or the first thing you see when you click my book.
10087502
You are my most avid reader every chapter i write i can guarentee a comment on it from you so whats your opinion on the story so far
10087559
Use the emotion, because I will repeat the same type of phrase that I already liked in the chapter, when I have nothing more to add. But that request, or Keselth, created a situation for Ember and Twiligth, it is limitless if it is not a favor for someone and Spike, but he still believes that Ember "died" and fell into darkness, who is facing a real nightmare. The Keselth and Black Dragon empire is at the height of the war. So far I'm enjoying it.
10087704
I dont quite understand what you mean, perhaps you could elaborate a little more about what you mean by repeat the same phrase, and use emotion, and the limitless possibility i would be very thankful.
10087861
sorry if you didn't understand
10088022
Thankyou for the clarifying edit. There is many more suprises to come. so far i have kept the audience on their toes as i made the story in a way that it's unpredictable.