• Member Since 29th Jul, 2015
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Dark Nightshade


I like to do occasional crossoves, and I can now draw. Just PM me if you want me to draw or wright something! I'm on Wattpad, check me out: https://www.wattpad.com/user/Dark-Nightshade

Sequels1

E

A few months after Fluttershy unlocked her Flutterbat form, the same thing happens with Applejack and a timber wolf. Meet Timberjack.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 45 )

The first thing I thought before I read this was how painful it would've been to transform.
And now that I read it I wish it would've been like that. Anyway, great story! It was a little rushed but it had some funny parts in it that made me laugh :twilightsmile:

I agree it did feel a little rushed and could have been opened up so do you mind if I do some expanding on this Flutterbat and Timberjack?

I am disappointed you didn't make a "Lumberjack" joke.

I like it. But They seem a bit to at ease with the hold thing.

A interesting idea, but agree with the others, feels rather rushed.

With some more polish this could be really interesting, but right now the whole story feels rather average.

having just come from watching transformations from Kamen Rider Gaim...after reading this, my mind is going places and i am not complaining...

6745077 Nice, glad you liked it.

6745470 more like i was imagining LockSeeds for Timberwolf and Fruitbat...but hey,

6745894 LockSeeds were the primary Henshin (Transform) item gimmick for Kamen Rider Gaim, in essence, they were created from the fruit of an inter-dimensional forest and used with a belt called a Sengoku Driver. it looked like this...

please make a sequail please:applecry:

6835796 I think I will. Who do you think I should do next?

6837123 Ok, that should be interesting.

Comment posted by OceanRider deleted Jan 15th, 2016

6837123 What do you think she should bond with?

I think she would be a good dragon or a little cat

Comment posted by OceanRider deleted Jan 17th, 2016

6841833 Glad I could help:twilightsmile:

Beautiful premise. This could be the beginning of something great.
My advice? Fiddle about with the pacing until it feels a bit smoother. In action scenes in books & movies you don't spend as much time in one shot as you do for peaceful scenes, and parts of this felt rushed or drawn out. :trixieshiftright:
Play with perspective- writing as though the 'camera' were next to a character's head, or in a closeup, or from farther away.
Work on your character's actions. I'm sure you didn't mean to make it feel as though they were static except for the action scenes... the movement can be inferred- 'Flutters waved a hoof in front of Applejack's maw in a desperate attempt to gain her attention', 'She backed away slowly as the realization hit her', 'Pinkie ducked back into the bush'... but it helps if you describe it. :applejackunsure:

Lastly- I advise you to get someone to help you with your English. There are a couple places where the sentences structured oddly are, and parts where their are words aren't spelled properly for there purpose. :facehoof:
TLDR - In summation, YOU ARE A GOOD WRITER. All the problems I had with your writing WILL BE FIXED WITH EXPERIENCE, but it would help you establish yourself as a writer if you worked on fixing them right now. You have the potential for greatness. Seize it! :pinkiehappy:
NightlyGrape out.

7044022 Thanks! I have a slight problem with spelling.

7048706 As we say in theater, Break a leg!

6746099 If this story made you think of that (and if you liked it), then you should read this.

:pinkiegasp:I like it. Good concept. Have a like! I also like the idea of Pinkie silently scheming.

7455899 Good! I'm working on the sequel!

This is an interesting story! Guess that explains why the fang was still there at the end of the episode :raritywink:

7457483 Thanks! Glad you liked it!

God Fucking Dammit Pinkie!

7652926 Judging by your comment, I'm not sure if you liked it or not. Did you like it?

7654821 ARE YOU KIDDING ME! I LOVED IT!!!!

7657647 I actually just released a blog post on it, asking which of the two animals on it you would like to see Pinkie as.

6842072 I've started writing the sequel. I've done a blog post about it, check it out!

Sweat Apple Acers lol

Fun read. Noticed some glaring errors, the most consistent being

timber wolfs

the proper plural of wolf that I learned was "wolves"

Strange, Ah don't think their usually that easy to chase off, thought Applejack. They might be planning something. Oh well. Untill then, Ah'm going to have to expect it. Ah need to ask Fluttershy a out this.

Your missing the B

8361092
Ah, thanks. Did you like the story?

May I ask where that art came from?

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