A few months after Fluttershy unlocked her Flutterbat form, the same thing happens with Applejack and a timber wolf. Meet Timberjack.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 29th Jul, 2015
- offline last seen 7 hours ago
Dark Nightshade
I like to do occasional crossoves, and I can now draw. Just PM me if you want me to draw or wright something! I'm on Wattpad, check me out: https://www.wattpad.com/user/Dark-Nightshade
Dark Nightshade
Joined 29th Jul, 2015 ·
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Sequels1
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Dark Nightshade · 1k words · 22 0 · 1.5k views
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- Dark Nightshade · 1k words · 22 0 · 1.5k views
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The first thing I thought before I read this was how painful it would've been to transform.
And now that I read it I wish it would've been like that. Anyway, great story! It was a little rushed but it had some funny parts in it that made me laugh
I agree it did feel a little rushed and could have been opened up so do you mind if I do some expanding on this Flutterbat and Timberjack?
6743536 Sure.
I am disappointed you didn't make a "Lumberjack" joke.
I like it. But They seem a bit to at ease with the hold thing.
A interesting idea, but agree with the others, feels rather rushed.
With some more polish this could be really interesting, but right now the whole story feels rather average.
having just come from watching transformations from Kamen Rider Gaim...after reading this, my mind is going places and i am not complaining...
6745077 Nice, glad you liked it.
6745470 more like i was imagining LockSeeds for Timberwolf and Fruitbat...but hey,
6745481 What are LockSeeds?
6745894 LockSeeds were the primary Henshin (Transform) item gimmick for Kamen Rider Gaim, in essence, they were created from the fruit of an inter-dimensional forest and used with a belt called a Sengoku Driver. it looked like this...
6746099 Ah, thank you.
please make a sequail please
6835796 I think I will. Who do you think I should do next?
6835844 pinkie pie
6837123 Ok, that should be interesting.
6837123 What do you think she should bond with?
I think she would be a good dragon or a little cat
6841582 Good point, she would.
6841833 Glad I could help
Beautiful premise. This could be the beginning of something great.
My advice? Fiddle about with the pacing until it feels a bit smoother. In action scenes in books & movies you don't spend as much time in one shot as you do for peaceful scenes, and parts of this felt rushed or drawn out.
Play with perspective- writing as though the 'camera' were next to a character's head, or in a closeup, or from farther away.
Work on your character's actions. I'm sure you didn't mean to make it feel as though they were static except for the action scenes... the movement can be inferred- 'Flutters waved a hoof in front of Applejack's maw in a desperate attempt to gain her attention', 'She backed away slowly as the realization hit her', 'Pinkie ducked back into the bush'... but it helps if you describe it.
Lastly- I advise you to get someone to help you with your English. There are a couple places where the sentences structured oddly are, and parts where their are words aren't spelled properly for there purpose.
TLDR - In summation, YOU ARE A GOOD WRITER. All the problems I had with your writing WILL BE FIXED WITH EXPERIENCE, but it would help you establish yourself as a writer if you worked on fixing them right now. You have the potential for greatness. Seize it!
NightlyGrape out.
7044022 Thanks! I have a slight problem with spelling.
7048706 As we say in theater, Break a leg!
6746099 If this story made you think of that (and if you liked it), then you should read this.
7455899 Good! I'm working on the sequel!
This is an interesting story! Guess that explains why the fang was still there at the end of the episode
7457483 Thanks! Glad you liked it!
God Fucking Dammit Pinkie!
7652926 Judging by your comment, I'm not sure if you liked it or not. Did you like it?
7654821 ARE YOU KIDDING ME! I LOVED IT!!!!
7655166 There will be sequel!
7657647 I actually just released a blog post on it, asking which of the two animals on it you would like to see Pinkie as.
6842072 I've started writing the sequel. I've done a blog post about it, check it out!
Sweat Apple Acers lol
Fun read. Noticed some glaring errors, the most consistent being
the proper plural of wolf that I learned was "wolves"
8075649 Thanks!
Your missing the B
8361092
Ah, thanks. Did you like the story?
8361363
Yes I did
8361707
Good. Thanks!
May I ask where that art came from?