Discordopho- OH QUEEN, HE'S GONNA KILL US ALL!

by Dr Atlas

Over a Cup of Tea

“So, how well do you think your children are doing?”

“I’d say they’re doing quite well, but, I admit, some are still trying to adjust to this life, and some can’t even get out of bed with the injuries they have, but I’m sure they will accept it, after all, I did.”

Celestia sipped from her cup of tea and smiled. “And I am grateful that you did. It gives me the reassurance that, if we can make peace with you, we can makes peace with anyone.”

Chrysalis raised her cup to her, then pulled it back and sipped from it. “I’m still surprised that you trusted me with watching over this place, not many creatures would give us that responsibility.”

Celestia knew what she was talking about, after all, this meeting between the two of them in the dinning area was in honor of what she did. “I have to thank you again, Chrysalis. When those vines showed up and took me and my sister, I thought for sure you would-”

Knowing where this was going, Chrysalis set down her tea and said, “Celestia, I’ve learned from my mistakes, even if I wanted to take over, your student probably would’ve saved the day, again.” She chuckled, as did the princess.

The princess looked down at her tea. “I honestly can’t imagine what I’d do without her.”

“I’m still surprised they found you and Nightmare Mo- er, y-your sister when they...um...” Chrysalis stopped, seeing the shocked face Celestia was giving her. “S-Sorry, Tia. F-Force of habit.”

Celestia shook her head. “I don’t see how it still is one, you’ve met my sister and know that her name’s-”

“Luna, I know...but the stories my children tell to each other sometimes get’s in my head as well, I’m sure you're familiar dealing with something like that.”

Celestia nodded, knowing that one of the queen’s children had the same problem. “Yes, I understand.” She took a sip and decided to change the topic, remembering something else she wanted to talk to her about. “Chrysalis, I have to ask you something that’s been bothering me.

The queen raised an eye. “You’ve asked so many. How could you possibly have more? I’ve told you about the hive, how feeding works, how I can keep track of all my children, how I-”

“Why were we the one’s you targeted?

Chrysalis didn’t understand the question and answered with a, “Hmm?”

Celestia poured another cup. “What I mean is that there are other creatures out there besides ponies.” Celestia clarified. “Why not go for them?”

Chrysalis shrugged. “Well, we’ve tried living off the many monsters in the forest, but I’m afraid it wasn’t enough.”

Celestia found that hard to believe. “So, you're friends with them?”

Chrysalis smiled. “Why yes, my children are friends with many creatures. the diamond dogs, for example, are very nice to them. They always throw the craziest raves when they visit.”

“Raves?” Celestia questioned.

The queen nodded. “Yes, raves.” She took a sip and continued. “They may be a bit loud and obnoxious, but it does keep the children happy, even though it’s hard understanding what those dogs are saying half the time...Tienen una extraña forma de hablar.”

“Excuse me?”

Chrysalis chuckled. “It’s how they talk. That’s the first step of being at peace, Celestia; learning their ways.” She took another sip. “Are you at peace with any creatures, princess?”

“Of course, just not ones that are...well, roughly ten times our size.”

Chrysalis had to laugh at that, knowing that it took more than size to not like a creature. “That’s good to hear, but you have to know that most creatures like you as well, just...in a different way.”

Celestia didn’t understand. “Can you explain?”

Chrysalis looked away, slightly embarrassed to tell her this. “You ponies are rather...special.”

“What’s so special about us? Is it our magic? Our way of living? The society we’ve built?”

Chrysalis couldn’t hold back her smile. “Well, when I talked with the many leaders of the beasts in the forest, they told me about how you ponies are considered, well...a delicacy.”

“A-A what?” Celestia almost dropped her cup after hearing that.

Chrysalis nodded. “That’s what they told us; that you ponies are the tastiest things out there. You’re more delicious than any type of food they find in the woods, or any food you ponies make.” She took a sip while Celestia continued being baffled by all of this.

“H-How would they know how our food tastes if-”

“Because that’s what the ponies they caught gave them in hopes that they wouldn’t swallow them whole...which they ended up doing anyways after they stopped sobbing their eyes out and begging for freedom.” Chrysalis realized her cup was empty and lifted it toward her. “May I have another cup?”

Celestia’s jaw stayed dropped.. “T-they...They a-a-ate-”

“Ponies?” Chrysalis said. “Well, how else would they know you taste the best if they haven’t tried you? Some usually eat the same pony a couple times or have them stay captive for constant flavor eating...I’m sure some ponies might like that, yes?”

Celestia finally lost her grip on the cup of tea as it fell to the floor. “I...I-I-I…I...”

Chrysalis raised an eye. “Are you alright, Princess?” She asked as she poured herself a cup with her magic. “You act like this is surprising for you to hear.”

“O-Of course it’s surprising to hear! A-And I doubt anypony would want to live like that.”

Chrysalis took another sip from her cup. “You wouldn’t believe how wrong you are, Princess.”

Celestia was about to go further, but then realized Chrysalis was in the same group. “H-Have you ever...ever…”

Chrysalis chuckled. “Celestia, we eat love. Even if we tried pony, we would end up hacking it up for some other creature to eat...That reminds me.” She stood up and set her tea down. “Where’s the nearest restroom? I need to puke this tea out of my body before it contaminates my digestive system.”

Celestia blinked and pointed out the door. “Um...t-that way, down the hall...a-and to the left...wait, why did you drink tea if it’s bad for you?”

Chrysalis smiled and made her way out. “Just because we like the taste of love, doesn’t mean we like the taste of other things, princess.”

Celestia then noticed the cup on the floor. She sighed and brought it back to the table, cleaning the mess on the floor with a spell “Quite the most...interesting of topics...I can only begin to imagine how many creatures have tried...us.” Celestia tapped her chin. “Hmmm, now what other creature could-”

*SLAM*

“PRINCESS!”

Celestia jumped as a draconequus bursted through the double dining hall doors, completely riddled in patches of dust and bruises. “Discord?”

Discord fell to the floor. His body could barely hold itself up after running such a distance. “Princess,” He yelled, putting both his claws together and looking up at her innocently. “y-you have to help me!”

“Help you?” Celestia raised an eye. “Can I at least know what I’m helping with.” She then noticed Discord’s missing accessories. “And...where did your horns go?”

“T-They took them!” Discord yelled. “Y-You’re subjects...a-and her subjects took my horns!”

“Who’s subjects? And how and why did they take them?”

Discord continued panting. “I-I don’t know, some of them ganged up on me and tore them off my head!”

“Did it hurt?”

Discord had to be honest. “No, but it’s really humiliating!”

Celestia was still confused. “But why would they take them off?”

“T-They thought taking them would take away my magic!”

“Did it work?”

Discord shifted his eyes back and forth. “U-Um...no...b-but they won’t give them back.”

Celestia was very surprised to hear this, it wasn’t every day random ponies decided to go against the god of chaos. “I find it very hard to believe regular, everyday subjects fought you. I can understand other ponies, such as my student and her friends, but not random ponies.”

“That’s what I thought too!” Discord started pacing. “A-And to top it off, a small group of changelings were part of it...I-I’m beginning to think they were leading them.”

“A group of changelings?” Celestia was more confused by the second.

Discord nodded furiously. “Yeah! Y-You have to tell that queen about this, because if I see her, I’m gonna be-”

“I hope there’s still more tea.”

Discord and Celestia turned to the door as it swung open. Celestia gained, internally fearing as to what would soon go down. “Ah, Chrysalis, glad to see you’re back.”

“You…” Discord pointed straight at Chrysalis. “What kind of children did you raise?”

Unlike her children, Chrysalis wasn’t phased by Discord at all. “I raised them right, and who are you to say how I raised them...in fact, what are you? Can’t say I’ve ever seen a creature as hideous as you.”

Discord was about to make a comeback, but Celestia could already tell where this was going. “I’m guessing you haven’t met Discord?” Celestia asked, standing up from the table.

“Discord?” Chrysalis rubbed her chin. “I’ve heard your student talk about him when I asked her about other villains she’s faced...but I swear I’ve heard his name before that...”

“Probably from your insane children!” Discord was on the verge of losing it. “They’ve been calling me a monster and running away from me all day! And now they have half the town trying to kill me!”

Celestia was both astonished and impressed. “Half the town? Of regular every day ponies?”

“Exactly!” Discord sat down from all of this. “Tia, I can understand ponies running into a panic, but changelings? Monsters that caused just about as much chaos as me? Why would they do this? I thought they were good!”

Celestia bit her lip. “Well, Discord, I have to say that I can understand ponies running away from...well, someone as yourself, but changelings? That is rather strange?”

“The worst part is that they’re not even pronouncing my name right, it sounds like some cross between diamond dog talk and pony talk, calling me some ‘Talantilo’ like I’m some urban legend they’ve made up.”

Hearing this, Chrysalis finally knew who he really was, to her children, at least. “Ah, now I remember.” Chrysalis laughed. “You must be El Discordtalantilo? The mutant monster that roams the world looking for little changelings to munch on?”

“W-Wha...y-you sound just like you kids!”

Celestia put the pieces together. “So, you do know what’s going on then?”

Chrysalis continued smiling at this. “Let's just say that my children have quite the imagination when it comes to creatures like you, Discord.”

“Enough imagination to take my horns off!” Discord pointed at his head, wishing his horns were there.

“Don’t blame me. I never encouraged them to tell stories, I only watched.”

“B-But you could’ve stopped them! Which I know you’ll do now that they’ve done this to me.”

“What makes you think I’ll-”

Celestia cleared her throat, knowing she would have to take action as well. “I’ll start having the ponies calm down, as for you two. I suggest you talk this out between yourselves.”

“You’re leaving me with him?”

“You’re leaving me with her?”

Celestia simply walked toward the door. “I’m sure you’ll figure this out, in the meantime, I shall talk to the ponies.”

Once the door’s shut, both of the reformed villains glared at one another. “You caused this, Chrysie! And I expect you to fix it!”

“I didn’t cause anything.” Chrysalis pointed at him. “You on the other hoof have caused a lot of mess over the past thousand years. This situations seems more like a wakeup call than a problem.”

“I-I haven’t done anything!” Discord paused for a few seconds to think about that statement. “W-Well, not anything that deserves this!”

Chrysalis eyed him. “Discord, I’ve been blasted clear across Equestria, had most of my children perish, gone through a lot of paperwork for this treaty, had myself be humiliated in front of all my children during that surrender speech, and I STILL think I haven’t done enough to make up for what I’ve done.” She stepped closer to him. “and you think you’ve done enough to pay for what you did?”

Discord laughed at this. “Really? You feel like you haven’t done enough? What are you gonna do next, give yourself nightmares for the next few years to punish yourself?”

“I’m not that insane, Dissy.”

Discord rolled his eyes. “I’m sure you’re not.” He said sarcastically while pulling out a chair and sitting down, crossing his right leg over his other. “Listen, bug queen, we were all insane villains. We all did it for the fun and enjoyment out of it, not for reasons, but because we can, and because we can, we needed to.”

Chrysalis thought that was the most insane excuse for the actions they’ve caused. “I had a reason to do it!”

Discord rolled his eyes. “Taking over the world isn’t really a reason. I call it an excuse in my book”

“I did it for my children.”

Discord leaned back in his chair and rolled his eyes. “Pfffff, like you actually care about your ch-”

Chrysalis used her magic to pull his face down to her level. “Finish that sentence, I dare you.”

Discord managed to get out of her grip, thankful to know she wasn’t as powerful as before. “Don’t be so touchy, Chrysie, I’m just pointing out that I’m not the only evil one in this room. We were all evenly evil.”

“‘Evenly?’” Chrysi dropped her jaw. “To you, I’m a saint!”

Discord started naming off her sins. “Oh, really? Explain to me how brainwashing Twilight’s brother, ponynaping a princess, throwing Twilight in with her, almost destroying Canterlot, and singing a song about it is you being a saint?”

Chrysalis decided to do the same. “Probably because I didn’t brainwash all of Twilight’s friends. Granted, I did manipulate them into thinking I was good, but at least I didn’t force them to be bad.” She crossed her arms.

“Manipulation is just as bad.”

Chrysalis pointed at him. “You’ve done worse! You even cheated in your own game!”

“WHAT!?” Discord was utterly offended. “I didn’t cheat in my-”

“‘No flying and no magic.’” Chrysalis quoted. “I think that’s what you said during that game you gave Twilight and her friends.”

“What’s that have to do with anything!”

“You still had your wings, and you still used magic, don’t you think that’s...you know, breaking your rules.”

“B-But that was only for-”

“And you even knew it was a waste of time to begin with, that’s just downright cruel.”

“OH! Like sucking the magic out of a pony isn’t any worse!”

Chrysalis was getting sick of how others thought that was how they get food. “I don’t suck magic, Discord, I eat love, not like that hideous red monster who dared to hurt one of MY CHILDREN!”

“Wha..who?”

"And at least I’m trying to make up for it by helping ponies.” Chrysalis continued. “I’m guessing you haven’t even done anything to make up for what you did.”

“I-I’ve helped ponies before.”

“Name one.”

“I’ve helped Twi-”

“Besides the friends you’ve made, because I’ve done my best to ensure my children treat ponies, who I don’t even know, with respect, regardless of what the ponies think of me or them.”

Discord found that hard to believe. “You sure are doing a good job at it with how they’re treating me!” He said sarcastically. “Face it, Chryssie, you were just as bad.”

With her mind full of rage, Chrysalis decided to bring up another argument. “Discord, do you even remember what happened a week ago?”

Discord couldn’t hold in his laugh. “Oh, yes, I remember all that happened, that was very exciting, to say the least.”

Chrysalis glared at him. “For you, yes, for Twilight, it was a nightmare. I’m shocked you didn’t do anything to help them.”

“Why would I need to help them? I’m sure Twilight took it well.”

Chrysalis pointed at the doors. “Celestia’s student came running here, worried sick about Celestia and Nightma- Luna missing and had to be forced to have someone, who she still doesn’t even trust, look after the place while she looks for them. And to top it off, she finds out it was you and your seeds that caused it in the first place, I wouldn’t be surprised if you betrayed them over some stupid-””

“ALRIGHT! I get it!” Discord screamed, hearing this before. “Sparkle was having a hard time and I haven’t done anything to make up for it! Who cares!”

“The children seem to care, the ponies as well, and I’m sure Twilight might have the same feelings. Admit it, Dissy, you’ve done so many horrible things in your life. I’ll say it now, if I were to come to power, I’d turn you to stone myself."

Discord was getting tired of arguing about who was less evil, he just wanted his horns back. “Listen, Chrysie, I’d love to talk about who’s more evil than who, but can you just fix this mess so I can-”

“I’m not fixing anything.” Chrysalis said. “In fact, I think only you can stop my children from being scared of you.”

“How am I supposed to do that? They run off before I even get to them!”

Chrysalis knew exactly where most of her children were still being held. “Then go to ones that won't run. I’m sure there are plenty that are still bed ridden in the hospital thanks to our...my actions…” Chrysalis’s ears flopped after she finished that sentence.

“Fine! If that’s what it takes, then I’ll do it!” Discord didn’t notice her tone of sadness and started making his way to the doors. “If this makes things worse, I swear to Eris.”

“Who?”

Discord grabbed the handle and yelled out, “No one!” He then slammed the door and stormed off, leaving Chrysalis to herself to think about this situation.

“Hmmm, now what changelings could be responsible for telling those stories in the first place?” It only took Chrysalis seconds to know who caused her children to fear him before all of this.

“Time to pay those twins a visit.”

Comments

[Perteks]

I'm not sure if she gonna applaud them or punish xD

[Gorehound]

The whole "eating ponies" thing is quite the miss for me. Sure I can follow the thought of a dragon or the more feral predatory creatures doing so, but not the more intelligent ones. That's just me however, and I simply disregard those parts when reading these stories. Not going to stop me from enjoying the humorous parts of them.

Now the whole shpeel of former villains arguing with eachother over who is the better/worst of them is a very good idea, it can make things both incredibly awkward and so very entertaining.

[Jphyper]

6803463 Judging by her phrasing, it looks like Chrysalis was making a euphemism to mess with Celestia's head. Remember, she said some ponies enjoyed being "eaten" multiple times. It could mean a lot of things.

[Razzy]

6803691 My thoughts as well.

That's something I always found funny, that Discord was forgiven so readily. He arguably did some of the worst and most wide-reaching things imaginable, and for no other reason than his own amusement. All other villains had their reasons, ranging from the want of power to feeding their subjects. Yet it is Discord who's forgiven.

Very nice chapter. Sad to hear that mammy Cutelings did, but at least the rest seem to have a bright future ahead of them.

Cya
Raziel-chan

[howard035]

6804194 Welllllll who else are they going to forgive? In the canon it looks like Chrysalis was wiped out along with her swarm, Sombra was blasted to bits, and Tirek was imprisoned by rainbow power in the depths of Tartarus. It's kind of hard to forgive/reform a villain unless they are alive and readily available.

[tsaukpaetra]

Getting eaten multiple times? Huh... Unless you can just regrow meat...
Keep going! ;)

[Razzy]

6805053 Actually, word of god (one of the show writers during an interview) is that they survived, another said that Hasbro would never let them kill her. Plus she survives in the comics and changelings are still around in the show, judging by slice of life.

Cya
Raziel-chan

[howard035]

6806020 That's a fair point, she does survive in the comics. She attacks again, and this time she is locked up in a castle with her drones. But then Twilight tries to reform her as well, it just doesn't work.

[Razzy]

6806259 Yeah, hahahah, Chryssie plays Twilight like a fiddle then and escapes with all her subjects. I really enjoyed that moment, she didn't even have tio overpower her, she just tricked her so completely and utterly she didn't stand a chance.

And they didn't really do much in terms of trying to reform her, they kept her locked up and wanted her to tell them of her origins. Still, I suppose she might be irreformable. Oh well, she's still badassery personified.

cya
Raziel-chan

[howard035]

6806299 Yes, it was hilarious the way Chrysalis tricked Twilight. But I think the "learning of your origins" was the first part of Twilight's plan to reform Chrysalis. I don't think it would have worked, but I feel pretty sure Twilight had a 37-point checklist somewhere on reforming Chrysalis and integrating her hive into Equestrian society eventually.

[Mystic Song]

Discord laughed at this. “Really? You feel like you haven’t done enough? What are you gonna do next, give yourself nightmares for the next few years to punish yourself?”

“I’m not that insane, Dissy.”

Looks at Luna.

[Alondro]

6806299 Yeah, nothing says quality writing like idiot-balling the crap out of the protagonists.

[Alondro]

6804194 Actually, having reasons to do evil is worse. Because it means you've RATIONALIZED your evil to some extent, taken into consideration many factors, and still decided to go through with it.

Discord really didn't even seem to possess the mental capacity for very long-term planning. He'd never had to with the sheer amount of power he possessed, and thus his actions were mainly impulsive. His plans were very simple and short-term. Once he'd accomplished a basic set of goals, he paid no attention to following up on anything.

And really, if we're to take Discord and the others for equal comparison, we must then imagine what the other villains would have done if they possessed Discord's powers from the get-go. Considering all the things Discord COULD have done, he wasn't really that bad. There are quite a countless number of horrific torments he could have devised... and refused to even allow any pony the mercy of death.

[CrackedInkWell]

By the power invested in me, myself and I (since this story hasn't updated for six months) I declare this story to be dead.

May it forever rest in peace.

[Randomfastreader]

7365113 noooooooooo!!!!!! curse you life!!!!!!
and i was really starting to enjoy it.

[nioniosbbbb]

I hope you continue this story eventually.

[Teikan]

Discord during his reign did not allow anyone to break his toys, or die of hunger, etc.