He's Coming...
Twig bashed through the door with all his might, completely knocking it off its hinges. The changeling continued his spirit until he hit a brick wall, which he recovered quickly due to his thick head, but because of it, he opened the door that he had run into and ran through it, smashing his face into the wall again, thinking he hadn't entered the room yet.
Once he pulled his head out, and finally figured out he was in his apartment, he shook his head and looked around in a panic, checking every corner of his small room, trying to find things that were deemed important to him, which was everything.
Twig turned to the first, and only, thing that he cared about; the comics. The very work of literature that provided him entertainment for the couple of months he and his brothers lived here. He scooped up the stacks that laid in a bundle next to his bed and set them on his mattress.
“Trouble.” He yelled, scratching his ear and moving over to another side of his room where his desk was. “Bad.” He took hold of drawer handle and yanked hard enough for the whole thing to come out, causing everything in it to fall on the floor. “Pain!”
Twig grabbed the assortment of miscellaneous items he had found through his trash and threw it on the bed. He then grabbed another drawer from his desk and pulled it out, revealing many worn out socks, Twig took the whitest one and made his way to the bed; but not before falling on his face from tripping over his own hooves.
Twig quickly recovered and scratched his ear stem again, making him panic even more. “Gotta hurry!” He leapt onto the bed and shoved everything into the sock. Twig was thankful that the elastic was strong enough to hold all his items as the sock grew almost to his size. With the bag now on his back, he leapt off the couch and landed on his face again.
“Gotta find...Other brothers!” With a sock in hoof, he ran to the bathroom and looked at the mirror, putting on a quick disguise before running out the wide open doorway, praying to the queen that he wasn’t too late.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“So, what’s this thing called again?”
Carl rolled his blue eyes and continued holding the toothbrush with his hole filled hoof. “It’s a toothbrush, something you use to clean your teeth.”
Stan inspecting the foreign object, still having no idea what it was. “Why would I need to clean my teeth?” Stan looked at the bathroom mirror and opened his mouth, seeing that all his teeth and his pair of fangs were intact. “They look fine to me.”
“It’s what ponies do, Stan. They clean almost everywhere on their body.”
“Why? It’s just gonna get dirty again?”
Carl set the brush down, knowing it was gonna be hard teaching his brother about pony society and how they do things around here. “Listen, Stan, we’ve been here for, like...what? four months now?”
“I dunno. How long ago was it that the sun and moon were in the sky at the same time and the hatchling ea...uh, Celestia and her sister went missing?”
Carl blinked. “uh...a week or so ago?” Carl didn’t really have an answer, for all he knew, that happened less than that, maybe even a day ago. “It was hard to tell time when that happened.”
Stan nodded in agreement. “At least that student of her’s found them in one piece.”
“I’m still surprised the queen didn’t want to take over, you’d think it would be a great opportunity.” Carl pointed out.
Stan shrugged. “Eh, she probably knew they would find her sooner or later, besides, who would want to rule over those ponies.”
“Come on, Stan. Don’t be so hard on them.”
Stan walked out of the bathroom and onto the couch, a loud squeak came from the springs as he turned to face Carl. “I don’t see why I have to learn about them when they don’t even learn about us.”
“They are learning about us.” Carl knew that was only half truth. “J-Just not a whole lot of them do.” Stan rolled the bright parts of his eyes and turned away from Carl on the couch. “B-But some of them are, and sooner or later, everyone will understand how we’re not just a bunch of-”
“Love suckin’ monsters that treat ponies like food?” Stan quoted. “Because that’s what I got told on the street a while ago.”
“T-that pony was...probably in a bad mood.” Carl reassured.
“So bad that he yelled it out in the streets while a group of others followed him with signs in their hooves?” Stan could still remember the chant. “‘Stomp the bugs, they eat your love!’” he mocked. “That’s not even that good of a statement anyway.”
“T-they were probably just...joking around...heh…”
Stan shook his head. “Sure they were...honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised to see a riot outside sooner or later.” He pointed at his door. “You really need to fix that door soon, because I’d rather not have some psycho pony smash through it and-”
*SMASH*
“TROUBLE! BAD! PAIN!”
Stan jumped off the couch and into a fighting stance while Carl rolled behind the couch once the door fell off it’s hinges and an oversized changeling fell to the floor with a oversized sock on his back.
“Alright, pony! You brought this on yourse- Twig?” Stan sat down. “What the cave are you-”
“Panic!” Twig yelled, getting up on all fours and facing both his brothers. “S-Something bad’s coming guys!” He scratched his ear again, making his brothers flinch.
“U-Uh...Twig…” Carl come out from behind his couch and walked up to Twig. “W-Why are you itching your ear?”
“Because it won't stop being itchy!” Twig then scratched his ear stem with his back leg like a dog.
Stan looked at the sock that had now split it’s entire contents on the floor while Carl talked to Twig. “S-So, what?...t-that just means a storm coming, right Stan?”
Stan nodded, knowing that Twig gets these kind of senses in weird ways. “It’s either a storm or a breach in the cave, or both...”
“But my mouth tastes fine, Stan!” Twig continued scratching. “And my ear has never been this itchy, something bad is coming…Something big! Something Horrible! Something that’s gonna wipe out all of changeling kind!”
“Twig!” Stan yelled. “Will you chill out!”
“B-But’s it’s so itchy!” Twig reached up to his ear to start another round of scratches, but Stan did that for him.
“Listen...Twig.” Stan started, hoping to calm the bug down. “It’s just a storm, I know you hate them, but they’re just-”
“No...This is the most chaotic storm of all!” Twig then paused and smiled. “A-And a little bit higher please…”
Stan sighed and scratched to the higher part of his ear stem. “What’s so bad about a storm of chao…” Stan stopped mid sentence, realizing what Twig meant. “W-Wait...what do you mean by chaos? Storms aren’t that chaotic.”
Carl started quivering. “I-I think he means someone causing the storm…”
“Yeah, someone’s gonna...gonna...” Twig hung his tongue out and thumped the floor with his back leg. “N-Now go lower, Stan…”
Stan didn’t go lower and stopped. “Twig! What do you mean by chaos? Cause there’s only one guy I know who can cause it”
Twig frowned at how Stan stopped scratching, but his ear seemed to calm down. “Carl’s right, I do mean someone’s gonna cause it…and I know exactly who.” He shifted his eyes back and forth before whispering. “El Discordtalantilo…”
Stan and Carl’s blood ran cold when he said that name. “T-T-Talantilo?...” Carl squeaked. “Y-You mean...t-the same Talantilo that...that-”
“That killed off so many of us?” Stan finished. “The same one me and you saw cary that innocent pony when we first got here? T-The same one that almost killed me when I saw him a second time when I was sober.”
Twig fished through his sock and pulled out a comic, on the cover, it read: The Curse of The Evil Tilo! With a picture of a snarling monster with a snakelike body, sharp teeth, limbs of different creatures, eyes bright red, and claws covered in a red liquid as it stood on top a hill of bodies. “It’s just as predicted in this…” He whispered.
“W-We need to panic!” Carl yelled. “W-we gotta find a place to hide, a-and tell all the brothers and run like a-”
“NO!” Stan stomped the ground. “No. We’re not gonna let another monster get in our heads, we are gonna get him before he gets us!”
Carl looked at Stan like he was going crazy. “A-Are you insane! We were lucky to live after we even saw that beast! W-What makes you think we can take him?”
“We’re not doing it alone, we need to get the other changelings and pla-”
“Strength in numbers won’t help!” Carl yelled.
“If it takes six ponies to stone him, I’m sure it’ll take over a hundred to end him.” Stan pointed out.
“B-But they had those elements stuff to help them deal with it, w-why can’t we just ask them for help?”
Stan stomped his hoof. “I’m not getting help from a pony, Carl! Because I doubt they’ll help us!”
“B-but…” Carl really wanted to say he was wrong, but he knew he had a point. “T-Th-then what are we gonna do?”
Stan turned to Twig. “Twig, how long do we have until he starts slaughtering all of us?”
Twig stopped reading his comic and looked up at Stan. “Um…” He twitched his ear to check. “Bout an hour...m-maybe two.”
“Then we better hurry.” Stan held his head high, knowing if he can get over one fear, he can get over another. “Come on!”
Carl gulped as he and his brothers made their way outside. “I-I can only imagine what horrible, awful, evil, terrible, menacing, diabolical, horrid things he’s doing right now to prepare for his dark arrival!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I can’t do that, there’s just soup.”
Discord’s jaw dropped; unable to understand how those words can be used in a sentence together like that. “What do you mean there’s just soup?”
“I mean there’s just soup.”
“Did you check everything?”
“Yes, and there’s still soup.”
“Why is there just soup?”
“Because we only sell soup.”
“Why do you only sell soup!”
The pony in front of Discord was getting very impatient at this point, first this creature caused chaos throughout the land, and now he was annoying him at his work. “Listen, ya mutant goat, this is a soup stand, so we only. Sell. Soup. What makes you think we sell anything else?”
Discord crossed his arms. “How can a stand just sell soup? You should be branching out your company so you can get more bits rolling in.”
“Why do I always get the freaks.” The pony was starting to get annoyed, this was the only customer he knew that wanted something other than soup from him. “Does it look like I’m part of a company?”
Discord shrugged. “Maybe. You ponies might have a huge business behind these stands.” He looked over at the other stands on the street, seeing the many ponies walking around and buying various things from them.
“Look, I doubt you’ll find what you need here. Why not try someplace else.”
Discord sighed, knowing this would be the most challenging thing in his life: Finding a gift for a friend. “Listen, all I’m looking for is-”
“If it ain’t soup then we don’t have it!”
Discord slammed his paw and claw on the stand. “Just listen to me! A while ago, I made some mistakes, well, actually, I made a lot of them. So, I’ve decided to come here and find something to make up for it.”
“What kind of mistakes? Cause last I heard from ya, you almost destroyed the whole world by-”
“I know what I did, pony!” Discord covered his eyes with his claw. “And I’d rather not hear it again, it’s already bad enough to remember.”
The pony rolled his eyes. “Like you care what you did.”
“Hey! I do care!”
“If you cared, then why don’t ya just make up for it in a way that’s better than buying a gift for someone.”
"Isn’t that the best way to do it?”
The pony facehoofed. “If I were you, I’d be punishing myself for what you did.”
Discord was baffled by that. “Who the heck punishes themselves for what they, themselves, did? That’s up to someone else.”
The pony slumped on the table. “Just go away, ya ain’t buyin’ anything, and a doubt soup’s gonna help in making all of us forgive you.”
“Alright, Fine, I’ll go somewhere else that actually has what I need.” He stormed off, leaving the pony to himself.
“First the princess tells us to forgive bugs, and now he’s tellin’ me to forgive him...I doubt he’ll make up for what all of em’ did, at least the changelings had a reason…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“And what reason would that be?”
Twig continued reading. “He doesn’t need a reason! He’ll go after every single one of us without mercy and rip out our limbs while cackling in evil laughter!”
“Twig!” Stan yelled. “Would ya stop reading out of that book?”
Twig frowned. “But this is useful, Stan. It even says that if we don’t stop him soon, he’ll make a deal with an even more horrid creature to rid the world of creatures!”
Stan was getting more concerned with the comic than the situation at this point. “Twig, comics aren’t real, so I doubt Talantilo will team up with...with…” Stan looked over the pages. “What kind of creature is that?”
Twig’s jaw dropped. “You don’t know? It’s horns are huge, it’s arms are buff, it’s legs are tall, and it’s beard is gorgeous! He’s the monstrous...Tireking Terror!”
“Tireking what?” Carl looked at the pages. “Who’s that?”
“A creature whose only purpose is to drain the life out of everyone he meets, growing and expanding with every life he takes.”
“So...he does what ponies think we do?” Stan said. “I mean, minus the growing part.”
Twig flipped through more pages. “Says here that he was even powerful enough to defeat Talantilo!”
Carl cocked his head, “Something stronger than that monster?”
“Nice rhymes.” Twig said.
“Wait a sec…” Stan snatched the comic out of Twigs hooves and looked closer at pages 31 and 32, depicting a full 2 page view of Discordtalantilo fighting Tireking Terror. “That red guy looks...familiar...I mean, minus the gigantic form.”
Twig leaned a little too much on Stan’s shoulder as he looked closer at his comic. “Oh yeah. Isn’t he that one guy who tried to kills us a while ago?”
Stan pushed Twig away. “Personal space, Twig, and I’m pretty sure it’s the same guy. He was such a weirdo, tryin’ to eat changeling magic when we taste as bad as the carapace on our backs.”
Carl started remembering as well. “Wait, did he eat our magic, or just absorb it?”
Stan didn’t have an answer. “I dunno, all I can remember is him trying to get Henry, only to puke up some weird green substance seconds later, and then getting his flank kicked by the queen...that was pretty fun to see.”
Twig turned another page in his comic. “Good thing Henry stopped having those grey eyes once he ate something, he was really out of is, wasn’t he?”
Carl sighed. “Why couldn’t we face this guy instead? At least we have an upper hoof if we fought him.”
“I doubt he’ll ever come back, Carl.” Stan decided to get back on topic. “Listen, all we need to do is warn all the other bugs about this, then we can prepare for him.”
Twig continued looking through the book. “Wh-What makes you think all of us can take him? He’s been known to kill hundreds of creatures with a single blast. How can we handle something like that?”
Carl came in between the two of them. “I have to agree with Twig here, Stan. How are we gonna get a whole swarm to confront that beast?”
Stan knew this plan was almost hopeless, but it was the only one they had. “I dunno Carl...b-but I’m sure we’ll think of something.”
“We need help from the ponies.” Twig said, making both his brothers stare at him in silence. “What?”
“Help? From ponies?” Stan looked over all the ponies on the street, most of them looking away from the three of them and at the shop stands. “I said this before, Twig. What makes you think they’ll help us?”
Twig read the pages. “Because, in page 23, it says ‘as the small group of creatures realized how bad the situation was, they knew they needed help from the most unlikely of sources.’” Twig looked back at them. “And what’s more unlikely than ponies?”
Stan glared at him. “Twig, I don’t care if there’s a hundred of him, we are not getting together with the ponies.”
Twig frowned. “But Stan.”
“No, Twig! In fact, I’d rather face him one on one then get help from ponies!”
“Ah, some MeAt SnAcKs!”
The trio of Changelings froze. “D-Did you hear that?” Twig said, scratching his ear again.
“N-Nope!” Carl lied. “D-Didn’t hear a demonic voice...nope, na-uh. H-How about we just keep walking and forget we heard-”
“Hey! bugs! BeHiNd YoU!”
Stan gulped, his visions going wild as he saw a giant shadow loom over the three of them. Carl held onto Twig as he saw the shadow as well. Twig only dug his face in his comic book, hoping he didn’t see it, but the images in the comic weren’t helping. They only wanted to delay the inevitable and hope this was some demented nightmare.
Meanwhile, Discord waited for a response from the changelings, only to see them shaking. “Uh...ahem, changelings, the crossing flags don’t raise any higher. Can you please turn around, I need to ask you something.”
After what felt like an eternity, the three changelings slowly turned around to face him, their minds going spastic as they stared at his menacing eyes, his sharp teeth with a protruding fang, his sharp claws, and wicked smile that made them go silent.
“Hello My PrEy!” He said. “Nice to see you here, do you think you can help me here, the other MeAt SaCkS aren’t really that helpful.” Discord waited for a response, but the changelings only stared at him with wide eyes and dropped jaws.
Discord sighed, knowing these weren’t the first changelings that looked at him like this. “Yes, I know, It’s me DiScOrDaLaNtIlO, but listen...would you three happen to know where I can find A nIcE qUiEt PlAcE tO tEaR yOu LiMb FrOm LiMb!? Cause I’m kinda in a hurry here and I need to-”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
The changelings screamed at the top of their lungs and ran away from Discord at ludicrous speed. Twig was the only one putting his hooves into it while Stan and Carl used their wings. “Run away! Run away!” Twig shouted. “He’s gonna rip us all to shreds and eat our limbs for lunch!”
“H-He’s gonna what!?” One pony yelled out.
Twig came to a screeching halt in front of the pony and grabbed her. “He’s gonna kill us and dissect our internal organs!”
“H-He is!?” A nearby soup vender yelled.
Discord started noticing the crowds of ponies that were now looking at him in shock. “Wha- No I’m n-”
“HE IS!” Twig yelled out. “He’s preparing his claws to rip us apart and put us on a silver platter!”
“I-I don’t wanna be on a silver platter!” One filly shouted.
“Then run!” Twig shouted. “Run for your lives!”
Within seconds, panic fell throughout the crowd and every pony either ran through alleyways, shutdown shops, hid in buildings, or run to another street. Discord was the only one standing in the middle, only staring in confusion. “What the hays going on?” Discord thought “A panic parade?”
Silence filled the street moments later, leaving Discord to question the princess’s decision on making peace with changelings. “It’s always the bugs.” He walked over to the nearest vender, ignoring the fact that everyone had ran away in fear, and saw that it was now closed. “Um...Hello! Would anyone like to explain why you’ve all closed six hours early?” Discord looked around the now empty street, seeing most of the shops were closed or empty as well.
“Well, no matter!” Discord yelled out, hoping someone was hearing him. “There’s tons of other places. I’m sure I can find what I need elsewhere.” He looked over to where the bugs had ran off to. “Still don’t get what's with those changelings...Looking at me and acting like I’m some kind of monster...I’m not a mon-” Discord then looked over himself. “Well...to a point, at least, but I’m definitely not that kind of evil. That’s not fun. That’s just gross.”
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Didn't read yet. Instant fav because I know its gonna be GLORIOUS!
And yeah I know its not original but I like this version xD
6659403 SAME THING! LETS GET ON THE HYPE TRAIN!
6659416
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And so begins the 3rd addition to the hilarious Stan and Carl stories, I am eager to see what side splitting jokes come out of this one. It is also time to once again feel little sorry for Discord, I'd be more so if this wasn't so damn funny.
But if there are two things that I have to agree with here; is that the ponies of Equeastria are both easily frightened and rather gullible.
*singing* He knows when you're sleeping,
He knows when you're on the can,
He'll hunt you down and blasts your ass from here to Pakistan!
Oh you better not breathe,
You better not move,
You better off dead I'm telling you dude,
El Discordtalantilo is gunning you down!
6659644 YES!
Ah, time for another one of these. I really feel like I should feel sorry for Discord because he is getting totally screwed over for no good reason, but it is just too funny to care.
Oh well, I'm sure Celestia and the elements will straighten this mess out sooner or later and it will probably get the ponies over being afraid of the changelings, but there is plenty of time for the changelings to start a riot in the mean time.
I've been meaning to read that other story of yours, but I haven't managed to get around to it yet. This one is certainly funny as hell so far, though. Discord has surprisingly good fiscal awareness.
I still love that thing you do where all the changelings have the blandest of names. I don't even know why, but it just makes me laugh my ass off.
Pfft. I can just imagine Chryssie once she finds out about all this idiocy.
Cya
Raziel-chan
6662790
Well, now that I'm done with that, I can only hope that there won't be a follow-up Discordophilia story when this one is done. Now there's a horrifying notion.
Early for the annual scare night, eh? ;p
Keep going! ;)
There gonna release Tirek to fight Discord, aren't they?
Never stop with the references. All references are good references!
I'm at soup.