I am the Knackerman. Most of my writing deals with horror, suspense, and tragedy. And yes, there will be gore.
A story from the past is not quiet what it appears to be. Fluttershy, the kindest pony in all of Equestria, was not always so kind and gentle. There was a moment, a pivotal moment, in her life that made her the pony she is today. But was that moment real...or make believe?
Let Discord be your guide and see.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Pleasant. /sarcasm
A few mistakes here and there, but overall it was good. I really like the concept too!
Have a like.
This is fan fic is kinda like a Twilight Zone episode. I approve and fav.
I've been kicking around something like this but different. Long story short: Fluttershy fell as usual but no butterflies, she landed on a mountain side, had her wings so broken that they had to be amputated, but by a mareacle, her legs unbroken. She thankfully came across kind earth ponies that then took her to the local hospital and agreed to adopt her as their own. While recovering she had an epiphany that she should punish those who abuse their race's gift. (She's looking at you Flim Flam Bros.) She changed her name to Gaia Equinox and in marehood she will use the stare to basically become Amon from the Legend of Korra. Also Cloudsdale thinks she is dead. Is that too dark?
681963
Doesn't sound dark enough to me! But it does sound interesting. There's a lot of room to work with Fluttershy, There have been so few episodes that are about her that don't seem to get taken over by Rainbow Dash or one of the other mane six. Of all them, i think she's the most mysterious so far.
I was not expecting that ending. I was all "Oh, yeah, the butterflies'll catch her" and then that happened.
684377
How can you not? She's the perfect victim really. I'm surprised there aren't more stories where she's victimized. Though I will say I went out of my way to make sure that those that tormented her in the story were sufficiently reprehensible. I don't approve of bullies generally speaking.
685207
I was going for a bit of shock factor there. But think about it...how could butterflies support a pony, even a small one? I know its a just a children's show, but I really hope no one ever jumps from a cliff (or some other high spot) into a swarm of butterflies and expect to live.
celestia is PISSED
Next http://www.fimfiction.net/story/29667/Broken%3A-Loyalty
Their.
D'aww, don't you dare hurt Fluttershy or I will rip you limb from limb, and pitch your severed skull at a soon to be Cafe-Squashed Fleur de Lis for good measure.
Did you mean "Dumbbell"? Also, "best young fliers... Not the worst!"?
It's typically spelled "de facto", and you're a missing a space after "..." again.
"..." again, twice. While both "Apologise" and "Apologize" are accurate, the slightly archaic (ie: more proper, British.) way of spelling with an S might not fit with what you intended the tone of the story to be, and some people will think it clashes. So even though both are right, it's still something worth noting.
Name is, name's. What's, what is. When asking a question that is also an exclamation, the question mark generally comes first.
Again.
Again.
Again and Again.
Again.
You were warned about hurting Flutters, Hoops, let the decapitation commence.
colt's eyes, possessive.
Again and Again and Again and Again.
eyes. Fluttershy
Again and Again.
And of course, capitalization after each period.
Reference check! Natural 20.
A space and a capitalization after each (or the last in a set of) periods.
Space after the period, and it's "breathe".
"pain" and "hurts" seem to clash together, conflicting descriptive terms. You could just put "all others" if you wanted, to avoid using the word "pain" or "pains" too often.
Again with the beloved space and capitalization.
Again.
Singular creature, possessive: "Creature's shape".
Again.
Again.
Again. Also: "You're".
Again and Again.
Singular creature, possessive: "Bunny's".
Again.
Again, again, again. Also, decapitation commence.
Again and Again.
Go Fluttershy! Also: Again and Again.
Again.
Again.
Again and Again.
Sparkle's eyes: Possessive. Also: Again.
Again and Again.
Again.
And one last time: Again.
3232157
Cards on the table, my editor was burned out by this point in the series and was pretty much saying she'd read it but I'm not sure she actually did any editing aside from adding her own bits to the story here and there. That and spelling everything Britishly. She is British. As to all the '...' there are a lot of those in my earlier work. I'm trying to get away from that.
3233141
I was probably being OCD because I was like: "I already posted errors for some of his other stories, why not do it again?"
I didn't post anything for Broken Magic or Origins: A Family Recipe, or I don't recall doing so.
Because I found the concept of doing that again annoying P:
I can edit out all the corrections from my posts when you tell me you've actually corrected them in the story itself, so it doesn't sit looking tacky forever.
3240694
)
Actually, in the future, if you do see anything you think is a mistake or something that should be corrected, just send me an instant message about it rather than cluttering up the comments section. I'd rather people comment on the story itself rather than it's various grammatical qualities (or lack there-of
I've made most of your suggested corrections.
what order are these 'Broken' series in?
10311926
Technically you could read them in any order, but it probably makes the most sense to go Truth, Laughter, Charity, Kindness, Loyalty, and Magic.
Then Broken: Love is kind of a stand alone story that was meant to be part of a trilogy, but ended up being aborted due to developments in the show.
10311950
Gotcha
Memories aa strange thing. Truth is objective, but our minds and perception are limited.
Perspective...
Magic has limits and the brain cannot be so easily manipulated, unless memories are altered. You cannot change memories and you cannot implant false memories without stitching the descrepancies, patching up and masking the contradictions.
Magic can not make, but it could take and shape and break.
Pages of Harmony
How long have you been watching, Celestia? How long have you been waiting?
Two colts, evil as they were, nearly died! Was this all part of your plan, you schemer? How many have to suffer for you to accomplish your goals for a utopia?
You want to know something funny, Celestia?
You were destined to fail as soon as your little project began. You've treaded into some murky water. Does it scare you to realize how surrounded you are in that obscure ocean? This isn't a pool, this isn't a pond, and your delusions and goals have blinded you!
Look around, Celestia. You're lucky to be alive right now...