King Sombra wants pudding

Source

King Sombra is constantly annoying me about pudding. Instead of paying for it he wants me to make it!

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 11 )

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Benprodemo

Benprodemo #1 · Sep 27th, 2015 · · · I want pudding! ·

No clue what to think of this...
Policy dictates.

FamousLastWords

FamousLastWords #2 · Sep 27th, 2015 · 1 · · I want pudding! ·

Pudding? All day every day.

ProjectRabbid

ProjectRabbid #3 · Sep 27th, 2015 · 4 · · I want pudding! ·

cute, keep it up.

ProjectRabbid

ProjectRabbid #4 · Sep 27th, 2015 · · · I want pudding! ·

I somehow can't upvote

GrandSpear

GrandSpear #5 · Sep 30th, 2015 · 1 · · I want pudding! ·

This was odd funny though.

LakeyallOfHeartsEves

LakeyallOfHeartsEves #6 · Sep 30th, 2015 · 1 · · I want pudding! ·

Anime boy. I want a milk shake ;0;

HoneyBadgerr

HoneyBadgerr #7 · Sep 30th, 2015 · · · I want pudding! ·

I feel like I lost several brain cells while reading this...

CartsBeforeHorses

CartsBeforeHorses #8 · Oct 2nd, 2015 · 1 · · I want pudding! ·

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: King sombra wants pudding
Grammar score out of 10 (1 is grammar that needs to be worked upon as basic principles such as capitalization and spelling is an issue, and 10 is impeccable): 3

Pros
1. So silly, that it’s funny
2. I liked the ending
3. Short, but managed to still have a decent storyline.

Cons
1. Can be somewhat repetitive with how often Sombra asks for pudding. I would try to add more scenes, maybe? We barely get to see him make the pudding.
2. Bad grammar
3. Bad spelling

Notes Section

-“I groanedSolomon don't give in once you look into his eyes there is no going back! Sombra snuggled closer to me raping both of his hooves around me.”

Uh… that’s an unfortunate spelling mistake. You do know the difference between raping and wrapping, right?

-“I handed King sombra his pudding cup he squealed in delight taking it in his magical grip. As he began noming it down he looked at me eagerly.”

Please get a proofreader so that you can fix up your punctuation. Commas and periods are necessary. Sombra should be capitalized. Here is how I would write this sentence:

“I handed King Sombra his pudding cup. He squealed in delight, taking it in his magical grip. As he began noming it down, he looked at me eagerly.”

You misspelled Cadance. It’s Cadance with an a, not an e.

Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story: The Cake Chronicles.

TheOnlySaneDraconequus